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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 9:41:53 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WannaSPOON

On a side note, should I even mention what I think about her? Meaning would it be a bad idea to say "you have all of the qualities I have been looking for in a girlfriend" or something like that?

Remember that slippery slope I said you were on? You just slid 10 feet further down the hill. The very LAST thing a girl wants to hear, when she tells you she isn't interested in you in THAT WAY, is to hear MORE about it. You're not going to talk her into it, she doesn't feel the same way, she's just not that into you.

In fact, if I told someone I wasn't interested in them in that way, and they continued about how they felt about me, I would probably distance myself even more, because they're not picking up the obvious social clues telling them to stop. If you stay on the path you're on, you're going to lose her completely as a friend.

I don't know how many other ways to say LET IT GO.

Cali

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 9:55:16 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: WannaSPOON

On a side note, should I even mention what I think about her? Meaning would it be a bad idea to say "you have all of the qualities I have been looking for in a girlfriend" or something like that?

Remember that slippery slope I said you were on? You just slid 10 feet further down the hill. The very LAST thing a girl wants to hear, when she tells you she isn't interested in you in THAT WAY, is to hear MORE about it. You're not going to talk her into it, she doesn't feel the same way, she's just not that into you.

In fact, if I told someone I wasn't interested in them in that way, and they continued about how they felt about me, I would probably distance myself even more, because they're not picking up the obvious social clues telling them to stop. If you stay on the path you're on, you're going to lose her completely as a friend.

I don't know how many other ways to say LET IT GO.

Cali

I don't think there Are any other ways. The clue by four has not worked - next step is frontal lobotomy....

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 10:11:50 AM

WannaSPOON

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Wow, harsh. That's why I asked. I can't let an issue go until I've covered all of my bases (curiosities). It's the computer programmer in me. I don't act rashly or do anything without some idea of the outcomes. As it is, I can't think of any more angles or questions to pose, but any addendum advice is welcome.

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 10:29:38 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

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Not harsh, Realistic.

Over the course of the thread you've had more than a dozen people tell you "leave it alone" and yet you continue to ask "are ya Sure I should leave it alone?"

You're what - 22? That's..... very young, to some of us. Not so young that we can't remember being that age, but young enough to make us kinda groan internally and go "oh gods - I remember what *I was like at that age, and I never thought people were Serious about something I didn't Want to hear unless they got Snarky about it."

You don't Want to hear "leave it alone." You DO Want to hear "Oh, go for it - she's probably just gunshy and worried about the whole Distance thing with you returning to school." You've made that plain enough, without coming out and saying it, in simply continuing to ask whether you should Actively Persue this "friend" as something "more" than a Friend.

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee, m'boyo. She (and her emotional responces or lack thereof) is Not a computer program that you can DeBug the lack of responce out of. Continuing to examine it is not going to suddenly show you which area to rewrite in order to get the responce you want. What it Will do, on the other hand, is crash the program completely - leaving you not only without the "girl of your dreams" as a girlfriend, but without her as a Friend, either. Do they not teach the axiom "If it ain't broke, don't Fix it" in programming these days?

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 10:29:47 AM

CalifChick

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From: California
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My degree is in computer programming; don't blame this on that. This is a social cues issue. When someone says they aren't interested, you don't put your own spin on it (the "not right now" thing), you don't continue to tell them how you feel, or you lose friends and gain restraining orders.

If your boss says "I want you to concentrate on coding this subroutine for me; I'm not interested in having the main menu rewritten", do you code the subroutine then rewrite the main menu, because you figured he meant "not right now"? No, you don't, not if you want to keep your job.

Cali

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 10:37:34 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

In fact, if I told someone I wasn't interested in them in that way, and they continued about how they felt about me, I would probably distance myself even more, because they're not picking up the obvious social clues telling them to stop.

I would distance myself because i felt they were an idiot.

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 10:40:01 AM

colouredin

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Sorry this thread really does draw some sighs. Honestly OP please read what you wrote and what others wrote pretending it isnt happening to you, what would you say then?

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RE: More than "just friends" - 1/19/2009 11:03:06 AM

WannaSPOON

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Yeah, I mean once it set in I didn't have a problem accepting it. There's been a lot going on as of late and this just sort of broke the camel. Wishful thinking did get stretched a bit, but I would say I won't learn as much from this as I should if I don't squash what doubts I may have. Crisis avoided. It also made me realize I lost another good friend because of wishful thinking and false interpretation. Maybe my soul is learning this time around how to properly deal with women, since nothing else gives me as much trouble. lol.

Also, about the programmer quip; being analytical may have nothing at all to do with why I enjoy working with computers so much, but I like to think it's a nice trait to have in the process. Though y'all may think so, from the sounds of it, the posts weren't wasted.

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