chastecuckoldsub
Posts: 11
Joined: 1/18/2009
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No. Neither of us believe humiliation somehow justifies or validates a D/s relationship. But I depart from your views that fundamentally, a sub by his or her vey nature is selfless and that a dom/me is selfish in that there is a self-centered hierarchy around the dominant from which a D/'s relationship eminates. The term selfish has many connotations, not all of which are neccessarily negative. To be sure, a dominant can be nurturing and caring even within this self-centered relationship. Lastly, by the very nature of a Dominant-submissive relationship, it is fundamentally unegalitarian in this respect, and thus there is an inherent selfish-based top-down hierarchy. It is an interesting philosophical question who though might be more selfish in this kind of D/s relationship. For example, often when I have heard those involved in community work, it is often said how self-less volunteers are. I have heard many such volunteers however claim that their community work is motivated by the deep satisfaction it gives them. One then might say that a sub similarly can be fundamentally selfish in his or her motivation and involvement in D/s. I feel however that such a viewpoint would be more indicative of a bottom than a submissive, who in my mind comes to this with no expectations and therefore no selfish motives. They are there to serve, regardless if they might inherently enjoy an act or not or not neccessarily feel affinity for something that a dominant might desire from them to do.
I realize that this is *my* experience and views and that human potential and viewpoints are far more varied to be easily accounted for by any one individual, post, or even thread. This is why in great part I wanted to solicit people's opinions from both the submissive and dominant point of views.
Thanks for sharing your views.
quote:
ORIGINAL: lateralist1
I think the only thing I want to query about what has been said is in the OP's opening statement. There was an element of a sub has to accept and his Mistress has to humiliate for the relationship to be D/s. Or that's how I read it. I do not believe that this is true. Rather that there is no humilaition in being D/s for Dom/me or sub.
I will not countenance a relationship where there is no respect on both sides. Or where there is no consideration on both sides. Call the feelings energy, connection, love, caring. Call them what you will. A sub does not have to be used. A Dominant does not have to be selfish. I dominate out of a deep sense of caring. I look to be in authority because it's best for the relationship. I am better at meeting my partners needs and making sure they meet mine. Sometimes that means I need to discipline them. It's a fact of life for me. Sometimes that discipline may have to come in a humiliating form but it doesn't have to. I use whatever works in the relationship. I would never wish to degrade anyone and I could not feel in the way I want to for someone who would allow me to degrade him. It seems lots of bottoms want to be degraded and humiliated. Often they pay for the priveledge. If I am put in a position where I have to degrade someone the act in itself degrades me. I am not sure if I have explained my feelings well enough for anyone to understand. I would like feedback.
< Message edited by chastecuckoldsub -- 1/20/2009 7:31:55 PM >
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RE: True Submissiion: What does it mean to you? - 
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