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Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 2:40:12 PM   
shellymeow


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		i have fairly recently entered into a relationship, one in which i shall be trained as a slave, i shall have to earn a collar, and then at the end of my training (Sir said at least a year), i will be marked, and shall be given to someone Sir considers worthy of owning me. i have been in one previous D/s relationship, where it was more or less a complete joke and waste of everyones time. This though, has been completely different. i respect Sir completely, and have for years prior  to actually speaking to Him, due to His work and reputation in the lifestyle.

So i have entered this with hardly any training or prior experience. Sir has given me so many life changing rules and tasks, that my life has turned upside down, and i am feeling very overwhelmed. i wish so hard to please Him, i dont want to fail him at all. i have already come this far, and i dont want to mess up what may be one of the greatest opportunities i have ever had. i have had to change my eating habits and schedule completely, start exercizing, keep a journal (which i have done previously, thats not a big deal), email him what i have eaten every day, and rules that i am familiar with through "The Story of O". Sir has also given me ample homework assignments, such as papers, and assignments relating to what I am going to school for. He most definitely keeps me on my toes, and i hope Y/you can understand why I am so overwhlemed - as all of this has happened at once.

Plus He said 3 strikes and i am out, i have already received one. A strike can be anything from forgetting to email him what i ate that day, to anything else i could imagine. i am always so careful to not get any strikes, but sometimes i forget things. i feel silly because its just my shoddy memory, but i blame it on the massive changes made to my life all at once - its really hard to remember it all!

Opinions? Advice? i do not want to fail him. He can read me better than i know myself - His background in psychology helps that one. He demands a lot from me, and i want to be able to give that all to Him.

ETA: Yes, i have met Him in real life, multiple times, and have scened with Him.


< Message edited by shellymeow -- 1/18/2009 2:48:21 PM >
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 2:43:45 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Before I answer, have you actually met him in person and do you know for a fact that he is the person he claims to be?


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to shellymeow)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 2:46:37 PM   
shellymeow


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		Yes i have. :) Multiple times.

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 3:08:10 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		In my opinion, someone who rules by threats (three strikes and you're out), sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy.  However, this apparently is something that you were okay with when you entered the relationship.

And apparently you are okay with being given away to someone (and I'm guessing you have no choice in who it is).

Okay, you asked for opinions.  For me, it would indeed be a complete waste of time and a joke.  But for whatever reason, it seems to be working for you.  Are you allowed to communicate your feelings?  Are you allowed to tell him how overwhelmed you are feeling?  Does he know that you are not being defiant?  And not that it's really important, but I'm curious as to what his reputation is.


Cali



_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to shellymeow)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 3:08:52 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Everyone errs.  There is no such thing as human perfection.  Because of this, I personally would not enter into such an arrangement which I know I would fail and be "out" for having made three mistakes.  I'm not a fan of living in fear of blowing it - been there, done that.  I have nothing against a master having his(her) slaves work their ass off or having extremely strict rules.  But I prefer to work hard out of knowing my owner would be pleased, as opposed to out of fear of being turned away.  I just don't think that kind of nervousness and fear contributes to a healthy frame of mind over time.

Other than that, I don't know what kinds of opinions or advice you might be seeking.  If you are fulfilled and thriving in this arrangement, then go for it.  If you are afraid your memory will fail you with all your tasks, keep lists and let him know when you are feeling overwhelmed.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to shellymeow)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 4:33:18 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		shellymeow

Sent a cmail with some ideas. I am not a master or a mistress or a ma'am  so it is not my place to post here.


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to shellymeow)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 4:58:30 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		I'm not a Master, Mistress or Ma'am either but I post here regularly as do many, many others who are none of those things.  It's OK.  Really............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to feydeplume)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 5:04:30 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		This seems to be a very one sided dynamic and ruling by threats isn't my thing.  I thrive better in a environment where I am allowed to be human and behave as one. I don't do well with living in constant fear of making a mistake. I cannot thrive in that kind of suffocating environment.  It seems from your post that he doesn't allow you to be you. Have you talked to him about being overwhelmed?

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to shellymeow)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 5:20:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah I don't see the problem- you knew what you were getting into, things are following that path as they were informed that they would. 

Don't rack up two more strikes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 5:22:51 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Based on his "three strikes" rule, and his overwhelming you with everything-all-at-once, I am not impressed with him. You are young. To me, he appears to have little grasp of psychology, despite his background in it. To me, these things smack of inexperience, ignorance, and arrogance. Not someone I would entrust myself to.


It is a foregone conclusion that you will have three strikes against you well before this year of so-called training is up, due to the fact that the strikes can include the simplest of mistakes. We are not talking willful disobedience here. Everyone makes mistakes. Its not like your doing it on purpose when you forget to send him one of your daily diet logs, for example.

The whole thing sounds like a setup for failure. Never forget that no matter what you do, say, sign, etc. you are perfectly free at any time to vote with your feet and leave this pompous "dom".

I suggest that you institute a three-strikes rule of your own, and then kick him to the curb when he makes his third mistake, rather than waiting around for him to give you the boot. If it were me I'd save time and just leave him now, explaining that you're sure that neither one of you can live up to each other's standards, regrettably, etc.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to shellymeow)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 5:34:09 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Does he allow you to work off strikes?? Even military schools allow the cadets to work off demerits

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 5:53:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's a set up for failure. Everybody screws up occasionally, gets down and eats the wrong thing one night etc. Plus you have no experience and he's overwhelmed you with rules. Beyond this, he's planning to give you away to somebody else? Somebody you may hate and despise, distrust and you see no problem in this?

A good dominant doesn't set up a situation where someone fails and is immediately discarded. A good dominant doesn't fill a submissive with anxiety about failing. A good dominant teaches someone to succeed, which he isn't doing.

Me? I wouldn't have talked to him past the "three strikes" thing. And I don't pay blackmail which is what him holding the threat of throwing you out is. Beyond that, a good dominant can't train a sub to fulfill someone else, because he doesn't know what the next dom might like. He may send you to become a sushi chef because he loves sushi, but the next one may hate fish and your training will be wasted. Except I doubt if his idea of training includes anything nonsexual.

You deserve better treatment than this. You deserve to be with someone who wants you to succeed and teaches you how to. This man doesn't. Next time, don't settle for less than you deserve.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Huntertn)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 6:27:14 PM   
shellymeow


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		Thank you A/all for your input!

i shall have to ask him if theres any way for me to work off strikes... as for being given to someone, i will have say. Ultimately, i am in this willingly, and i can leave when and if i wish to. As for my training, yes actually at least half- if not more of my training has been non-sexual. He gives me a lot of assignments - such as now i am writing a 500+ word essay on what "service" means to me. He also gives me assignments such as planning a dinner - that i may have to cook for Him and His guests (so i will be learning how to cook - i have no idea how to). He gives me design homework, as my major is fashion design. He currently has me working on a corset line. He is trying to better me as a person and not just to please him sexually. i am not completely convinced that he doesnt want me to succeed... and He always fully explains his reasoning... hm.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 7:39:30 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Feydeplume, this is a public forum. You are more than welcome to post here.

_____________________________

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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 7:46:39 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Shelley.. you're a student, presumably with a fair amount of SCHOOL assignments to handle.. personally, I think he's doing you a disservice to expect you to concentrate on arbitrary rules and writing assignments NOT related to your studies.  500 word essay on what Service means to you?? wouldnt that time be better spent studying for your classes?

Seriously, if you're ok with all of this, rock on..

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 7:54:13 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		First for me no one can train someone else for me. Training is learning what I like, how I like it and when I like it. I know you said you have meet him, but it really sounds like a good wank session to me. But if it works for you two then enjoy it.

Mike

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 8:00:17 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Thank you, oh great, wise, GreedyTop. I was just about to add something to that effect to my previous post. Thanks for saving me the trouble.

I hope Shelly's grades don't suffer, for all the bullshit this guy is putting her through. Oh, sorry- "training".

If my slaveboy were in school I would be focused on making sure I helped him accomplish his academic goals. Not on piling a bunch of other crap on him.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 8:08:03 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

oh great, wise, GreedyTop

Who?????

What I hear everybody saying is that there's fantasy, and then there's reality.  If this is the first such relationship for both of you -- and it sounds as though it is -- there's going to be screwing up on both sides.  You might ask him if he really wants to lose you if you make two more mistakes.  Is it worth that much to him to not back down from what sounds to me like a beginner's rule?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 8:19:50 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		The first thing to strike me was similar to SirMike's response.

Shelly, do you want to be trained by him to be given to someone else? It's ok to say no.

The social contract of D/s is commonly misunderstood. Since you will never legally be bound somewhere (you can always leave) it should follow that anything you get into is consensual. I'm not trying to be a home wrecker, but the idea of spending a year under someone's tutelage to be given away is a practice that must be watched with a careful eye. Yes... You can live a life where others choose for you, but that's a choice you need to make for yourself.

Take a minute to consider: "Is everything in this relationship what I want?" Everything is negotiable or changeable. You can always leave.
Can you stay for more than a year?
Can you meet this new owner?
Are you feeling safe?

If you've decided you're good with the deal then I'm very happy for you =)

If you're struggling with particular exercises, ask him to help you be better. Any dominant who turns down this plea doesn't deserve to be training slaves for others. He is serving as a teacher, and needs to do it well. Your future depends on it.

My opinion... which also comes from a psychological background, if that lends more weight to it, is that this is a wonderful fantasy, but the reality of being "slave" 24-7 is very demanding. Some people can handle this, others cannot. In the latter case, you cannot force the mind into it. A person must be eased into a position of submission. The "sink or swim" style of teaching fills the lake with bodies pretty fast.

Calling a caterpillar a butterfly doesn't change the fact that grubs can't fly.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
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RE: Opinions wanted on progression - 1/18/2009 10:43:14 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

oh great, wise, GreedyTop

Who?????



smartass :P  I do have my moments! LOL

quote:

If this is the first such relationship for both of you -- and it sounds as though it is -- there's going to be screwing up on both sides.  You might ask him if he really wants to lose you if you make two more mistakes.  Is it worth that much to him to not back down from what sounds to me like a beginner's rule?


yep yep

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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