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Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:05:31 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		I recently had an experience that left me baffled:

I'm in a place where I feel ready to expand my circle of personal submissives. So, I went online and posted a kinky personal, laying out my terms, interests, etc. Responses poured in, and I talked further with a few guys who seemed compatible. They wanted to know a bit more about me, so I pointed them to my website: it was made abundantly clear that I was looking for PERSONAL play, not more clients. But after finding out that I also do Professional sessions as my career, they were no longer interested.

My question is: why? Do pro dommes have cooties or something?
Would you enter into an unpaid play partnership with one? (If no, why not?)

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:13:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, in the scene pro's are regarded with much disdain unless they have managed to also become well respected in the local scene and even then they get bashed a lot behind their backs.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:14:49 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I'd think it shouldnt be so hard, considering the number of guys that come here and whine about the number of pros...LOL  Good luck, Whats!!

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:18:59 PM   
MissJana


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		One thing you may have to look out for are the guys who say they want a relationship,but only available for quickie play sessions and nothing more. Basically wanting pro Dom services for free without the strings of a relationship.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:25:54 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I think it's the "sex industry" in general that freaks a lot of guys out, not prodomming per se.  Madonna/whore complex.  I'll pay for one, but I wouldn't want her as a friend; I could never introduce her any of my real friends.

I was talking with a friend just two days ago, and complimented her on something she had done.  She said, "I wish more men saw me the way you do.  I can't tell you how many guys have told me that if we were in a relationship, I wouldn't be doing this job any more.  And I like this job!"  She and I are relationship-incompatible, unfortunately, and at that moment in the conversation I bet we were both thinking, dang, too bad it would never work out.

Good luck.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:30:05 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		I can understand a male sub looking for a personal relationship with a female Domme... and not being interested in someone who pro Dommes...

As a male Dom, I do not share my girl with others... I can equally understand a male sub not wanting to share his Woman with others...

Although within the relationship he is a sub... in his heart he is still a man...

Edit - PS - Sorry for posting in the sub forum...

< Message edited by NCNutCase -- 1/18/2009 6:31:23 PM >

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:44:38 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		Everybody, of course , is different. I have a friend who pro-Dommes to make ends meet. She does not have sex of any kind with her clients. She doesn't have "personal" relationships with her clients either.  However, she is also a switch and, in her personal life, is an accomplished submissive as well as a skilled dominant. She has no confusion between these different roles. Too bad some people do.

Btw, she is also a skilled  professional in her "real" job and is a wonderful friend as well as a loving mother to her ums and a contributing member to her community. We all, I would hope, wear different hats at times.

So, Coupleofwhats, as always, keep looking for the peeps with whom you are compatible. They are certainly out there.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 6:51:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		When I was a pro dominant, I had men cut off contact with me when I told them of my "side job", even though I made it clear (or so I THOUGHT) that I was not approaching them as a client.  And I am a respected member of the community, etc etc. 

I keep hearing from men who get into lengthy, seemingly "real" conversations with women who then ask for tribute of some kind as proof of sincerity.  That kind of behaviour just makes my head explode, but it seems very common now.  <shakes head>  I never solicited anyone's business when I was a pro, my advertising took care of that.  I think that the game has changed in some essential ways, and there are more issues than there were before.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 7:02:51 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		From my personal experience, the type of submissive who will visit a pro and the type who will serve real-time/full-time are 2 different creatures. Not entirely mutually exclusive but for the most part, not one in the same. I think that some you are speaking with may not be fully comprehending that you are both a lifestyle dominant and a professional, and thus they are bringing the "pro dom" baggage with them to the idea of serving you. It might be best to get to know them on a personal level without bringing your career into the conversation until later on. Not that they should be so simple minded as to not comprehend you want a personal submissive but I think that referring them to your professional page may cause them to question your motives in some roundabout man-logic way.

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“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 7:48:56 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I don't tell anyone what I do for a living until after I have talked with them for a while. Try that.

Mike

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:02:06 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

I don't tell anyone what I do for a living until after I have talked with them for a while. Try that.

Mike



I feel like that's a pretty basic initial topic of conversation that you can't get around: people want to know your name, your age, your occupation. And I don't want to lie...

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:04:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		And why waste time with them if they are going to be judgemental and drop you?  Be up front, it's simpler.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:07:39 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

When I was a pro dominant, I had men cut off contact with me when I told them of my "side job", even though I made it clear (or so I THOUGHT) that I was not approaching them as a client. And I am a respected member of the community, etc etc.

I keep hearing from men who get into lengthy, seemingly "real" conversations with women who then ask for tribute of some kind as proof of sincerity. That kind of behaviour just makes my head explode, but it seems very common now. <shakes head> I never solicited anyone's business when I was a pro, my advertising took care of that. I think that the game has changed in some essential ways, and there are more issues than there were before.


Yeah, it's weird. It seems like a frustrating way to do business as well.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:07:46 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		At first I tell them I have a job and can support myself. Really too much focus is put on occupation at first. Yes they need to know that you are a viable person after a while then I tell them what I do for a living. But for me there are some details that do not need to be shared on the first few "dates".

Mike

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:27:44 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NCNutCase

I can understand a male sub looking for a personal relationship with a female Domme... and not being interested in someone who pro Dommes...

As a male Dom, I do not share my girl with others... I can equally understand a male sub not wanting to share his Woman with others...

Although within the relationship he is a sub... in his heart he is still a man...

Edit - PS - Sorry for posting in the sub forum...


I'm not looking for exclusivity with them: I already have a boyfriend. I make it clear in my personal that it's about play, not a conventional "going steady" kind of deal.
And I don't think being a man equals requiring women to be totally monogamous.

(Why are you apologizing for posting?)



_____________________________

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:35:11 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I don't get those guys at all. I'd jump at the chance for an unpaid play partnership with an attractive pro domme, as long as our interests are compatible.

I'm guessing they were originally hoping they could turn this into a more intimate relationship, and flew the coop when they realized that it wouldn't.

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/18/2009 8:56:15 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I keep hearing from men who get into lengthy, seemingly "real" conversations with women who then ask for tribute of some kind as proof of sincerity.  That kind of behaviour just makes my head explode, but it seems very common now.  <shakes head>  I never solicited anyone's business when I was a pro, my advertising took care of that.  I think that the game has changed in some essential ways, and there are more issues than there were before.


I think that's a significant part of the reason.

There's also the assumption that pros are ONLY in it for the money, so any claims to be looking for someone to play with "off the clock" must be BS.

If you present as just a woman looking, *then* mention that you're a pro, the first thing that he's gonna think is "oh, great, here it comes..."

I'd walk away as well. *shrug*

< Message edited by OneMoreWaste -- 1/18/2009 8:57:27 PM >

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-and the few still remember passion over rage-

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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/19/2009 7:37:54 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

....

I'll pay for one, but I wouldn't want her as a friend; I could never introduce her any of my real friends.

...


Oh Red!  For shame!

I'll pay for one (many more than one) and know that some will become friends and one or two will become close friends.

And I introduce them to other friends - some of whom are regular posters here - with the delightful outcome that the circle of friends grows.

I sell services for a living (financial admin software stuff). No real difference between me and Coupleofwhats (except she's distinctly prettier).   

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/19/2009 7:48:18 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats
...
But after finding out that I also do Professional sessions as my career, they were no longer interested.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats
...
I already have a boyfriend. I make it clear in my personal that it's about play, not a conventional "going steady" kind of deal.



You are open and honest about stuff - could it be the boyfriend aspect rather than the pro aspect which puts them off?

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Free Play with Professional Dominants? - 1/19/2009 8:03:01 AM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		I can imagine being intimidated by someone approaching me who does this professionally.  I would think that they see many people younger, better looking, more expressive, more accomplished and actually paying.  It might make me feel inadequate and might very well scare me away.  Just one man's perspective. 

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to Sundowner)
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