Did something happen to you?

Did something happen to you? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Yes, something...happened...

22% (11)

Naaah, I'm just a kinkster by nature

76% (38)

Yea, but it wasn't sexual (bubbie died, was robbed, etc...)

2% (1)

Total Votes : 50

(last vote on : 7/4/2010 2:39:12 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

rednicky -> Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:30:51 PM)
Now I know this is a touchy subject so I'm just going to ask that you either reply yes or no...or you could leave this thread alone altogether (I'm trying to avoid complainers). I wanted to know (and this kinda relates to my other thread but not really): Did you have a traumatic experience at some point in your life? Magazines and articles say that people like us resort to this lifestyle because of abuse or something else traumatic. That something is 'wrong' with us. I don't think this is true. And the best way to know for sure is to take a poll. [:)]

littlewonder -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:36:37 PM)
Every person on the planet most likely has traumatic events in their lives unless they've been living in a cave their entire life.

rednicky -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:37:53 PM)
Well I haven't lived in a cave. But I still haven't faced anything traumatic.

GreedyTop -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:39:39 PM)
I've had traumas, but I can safely say that they had nothing to do with my enjoyment of kink.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:41:06 PM)
I have had my traumas, and probably some other people's, but they have no relation to my pervage.

MissJana -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:41:06 PM)
I have had a number of traumatic events in my life, but I don't think it really had an effect on my preferences either.

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:41:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Every person on the planet most likely has traumatic events in their lives unless they've been living in a cave their entire life. I was going to say this, but I didn't. Trauma is different for different people, and I'd go as far to say that everyone who has reached adulthood has had at least one traumatic experience that has affected them in some way. IMO saying you haven't means you're in denial.

DesFIP -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:42:37 PM)
No early trauma. And I don't know about magazines or who is writing in them. But my therapist, a clinical psychologist with hospital experience and a doctorate doesn't believe this, nor does she think I'm sick for being in such a relationship. She saw me before this relationship and she sees that I'm happier and healthier in it. And that is the bottom line. Next time someone says that anyone who likes pain play is sick, ask them if they think that anyone who uses tabasco sauce is sick. Because that's self induced pain play with the sense of taste. So why is it perfectly fine to like it with taste but not touch?

NuevaVida -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:42:39 PM)
The fact that I grew up this way resulted in being traumatic, does that count? [8D]

rednicky -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:49:22 PM)
Well I was reading an old cosmopolitan magazine (years old...yea) while getting my hair done and someone had written in a question dealing with bdsm. She said that she liked breath play and have asked her partners to choke her lightly. Of course, her partners looked at her with their heads tilted to the side. So she asked the author if her kind was normal or common. The author said that her turn on was not normal and that she should seek professional help. The author goes on to talk about the health risks involved and then says that such behavior might stem from early trauma. This woman who wrote in was just like us! Was something wrong with her? Is it because of something that's happened in the past?

lronitulstahp -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:56:14 PM)
Are you referring to some sort of sexual trauma, or just any sort of traumatic event? i think there is some difference. For me, no early sexual trauma. Consider this, statistically about 1 out of every 3 to 4 girls are assulted before the age of 18. But 1 out of every 3 to 4 women aren't kinky. The magazine articles can surmise and suppose all they want. Some people aren't this way because they are broken, they are this way because they just "are". i don't even have a decent excuse for being a slut....[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image]depressing, really.

NuevaVida -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:57:20 PM)
Those who were not born with such orientations do not always understand those who were. It used to be said that gays and lesbians were such by choice, not by birth, remember? From time to time, people start threads wondering if abuse led all of us to be who/what we are. The overwhelming response always seems to be no, people are just wired to be who they are. Some people come to BDSM as a way of working through past issues, but it does seem the majority have had such thoughts since their earliest memories. I was just having fun in my earlier answer. I hope you took it that way and not in making fun. :)

windchymes -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:58:55 PM)
I was borned it.

rednicky -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 6:59:12 PM)
Well...I didn't think that far into it (whether to differentiate sexual trauma from non-sexual trauma)...I guess I should have. I can edit.

lronitulstahp -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 7:02:39 PM)
Oh no need to edit...i just had the question. i'm sure people can reply to the OP without it. =0)

parakeet89 -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 7:02:39 PM)
Well, I answered yes to this question even though I don't think it's a good one, because everybody's had "something" happen to them. But I know what you were trying to get at. I was sexually abused at a young age.. I have no idea whether that's the reason why I am the way I am. I don't think I ever will know. And honestly, I don't care whether I know the extent those experiences played. How is that going to help me? I don't need to know that in order to move on from those experiences or to be comfortable being the way I am. I don't think it's correct to assume that all kinksters are kinky because of some traumatic event, though. We don't all have "issues". Some do, but you find that in the vanilla world, too.

Missokyst -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 7:05:07 PM)
"I see dead people"

rednicky -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 7:05:33 PM)
NuevaVida Back to what you said about about some being wired this way, making it hard for us...me...who were developed this way to understand you all. Does that mean something is up with us (me)? Those who weren't born this way...were turned via some underlying cause? Making us weird in some unnatural way?

Carnae7 -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 7:06:20 PM)
@ DesFIP - "Next time someone says that anyone who likes pain play is sick, ask them if they think that anyone who uses tabasco sauce is sick. Because that's self induced pain play with the sense of taste. So why is it perfectly fine to like it with taste but not touch?" GOOD POINT!!!! And I like a lot of tobasco sauce too, so I must be one really sick and twisted sub! Hahaha! [:D] But in answer to your question - Hell yeah! HOWEVER... Did it impact my preference for BDSM? I really don't think so.

NuevaVida -> RE: Did something happen to you? (1/18/2009 7:10:10 PM)
I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. I was trying to say that people who don't do "this" (whatever you want to call "this" that we do) don't understand why we do it. I did not mean at all that if you found "this" later in life and enjoy it, then you must be weird. I meant that an editor of a magazine who has not experienced and enjoyed BDSM and/or D/s is going to voice his/her own preconceived notions, coming from a place of naivety or ignorance. To say you need therapy because you like to be spanked is irresponsible and ridiculous. To say you need therapy because of trauma in your life is a different story. But to assume those dots are connected (BDSM comes from trauma) would be grossly incorrect. Did that make better sense? I hope?

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