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Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/18/2009 6:34:34 PM   
Switch757


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline 		I'm a switch and so is my girlfriend. For most our relationship we have been just messing around with kinky activities and not really assuming roles, but we are wanting and starting to change that. When I ask her exactly what she wants to get out of scenes shes submissive in I completely understand what she's saying, but I'm unsure of good ways to go about giving her what she says shes looking for.

One of her biggest needs is to feel beautiful and wanted, no matter where the scene goes. She is much more visual then I am, as she has mentioned posture and posing ect. as fascinating to her. Pony play gets her attention whenever she see's it as well. Comfort, trust and a sense of belonging are her other main needs.

I understand from talking what it is she needs from me.... Unfortunatly, my fantasies and needs are more in the sensory dep area and feeling a partner I completely trust as completely in control of me...

I can only tell her shes beautiful so many times before it sounds like lip-service, so I would like to find some activities I can repeat that let her know that I love her and her body without stating it (preferably something I could include often). I need to find how to make her feel coveted and give her a sense of performing for me as well, but am not sure how. I would greatly appreciate any help that those reading can offer. Thanks for viewing my post!
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/18/2009 6:38:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Be specific when telling her that you like how she looks. Stroke her hands, for example, and tell her you love how smooth her skin is, how slender her fingers are. Not just "You're beautiful" but "God I love your ass/legs/whatever".

Have her dance for you, strip for you, masturbate for you. You sit and watch until you are compelled to join in and at that point remember to say that watching her makes you incredibly hot and btw she has a truly great ass/whatever.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Switch757)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/18/2009 7:19:13 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Decorate her as a way of bringing out her natural beauty (I have a very extensive collection of ladies clothes that I thoroughly enjoy using to decorate a girl)... have her lie on her back while you sit in a chair with her feet in your lap and paint her toe nails... tie her up in a beautiful position and stroke yourself staring at her biting your lip... blind fold her & bind her hands while slowly disrobing her while delicately carressing every square inch of her... Bathe her lovingly before leading her to a candle lit bedroom and do what you know gets her off...

There are a lot of activities the mind will initially consider being submissive that you can do to a blindfolded girl completely reversing the psychological effects of roles...

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/18/2009 8:58:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say go full in for a doll play session.  For a whole evening, she is your doll- to dress, to pose, to bathe, to feed, she can be a pretty baby doll, a sex doll, a glamor doll, essentially she gets to be a passive object that you order and create.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NCNutCase)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/18/2009 11:17:10 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Alby always has interesting ideas.

Also …

Try nipple jewelry and nipple chains. (Okay, that plays into my fantasies!)

Have her wash your feet with her hair, or alternatively dry your feet, if her hair's long enough.

Paint her with body paint.

Photograph her. If you have art ability, compose prints of her.

When you compliment her, be specific. Don't just tell her she's beautiful, tell her how she's beautiful and mean it. Even little things like telling her she has beautiful hands (most girls do) can be meaningful to her. Tell her how pretty she is when she sucks your cock. If she stretches to reach an upper shelf, tell her she takes your breath away.

 


< Message edited by Petruchio -- 1/18/2009 11:18:36 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/19/2009 8:17:10 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		Tie her down to the bed, light some candles, and get out the baby oil.  Then VERY slowly, and VERY deliberately, kiss, nibble, and explore every inch of her while giving a play by play commentary about what you like about each part.

(in reply to Petruchio)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/19/2009 10:00:40 AM   
Switch757


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline 		Wow, thanks for the quick and insightful responses. I'll certainly use a good many (some night I'd love to tray the doll play idea albatross, very good one :) ). 

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/19/2009 4:08:42 PM   
femmetasia


Posts: 40
Joined: 11/18/2008
Status: offline 		I don't have anything spectacular to add to these already great ideas, except to say that I love receiving compliments about little things that usually aren't commented apon, such as 'you have a beautiful narrow waist I want to wrap my hands around'.  Obvious tits and arse type compliments don't hold the same water, can lead one to think 'hey I bet you say/have said that to all the girls'.  But compliments unique to me certainly make me feel special. 

Good luck to you and your girlfriend, your attention and commitment to catering to her desires is just beautiful. 

_____________________________

I bend, but I do not break - Jean de La Fontaine

(in reply to Switch757)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/19/2009 5:59:20 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		There are other senses beyond words; you can tell her she's beautiful with each one. 
An evening sans sound seems like an intersting idea.  It would allow you each to focus on the other modes of communication and connetion available to you. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to femmetasia)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/20/2009 7:29:49 AM   
DrSysAdmin


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		How about public display? This is something I greatly enjoy, and it feeds the need you mentioned in a submissive. Now realize I am not talking about having sex in public - but merely showing off what is yours in a very public way.

For example - I enjoy taking a Pet to the mall, dressed provocatively yet reasonable, leashed, and walk them around. Invariably, she will attract the notice of a few guys, often who will follow us just to keep her in view. At that point, make sure she realizes the attention she has inspired. Show her the interest she has created. There is nothing that makes a woman feel more beautiful than to be desired - yet at the same time she is totally comfortable knowing she is within your domain of control and protection. You will be suprised how much she will respond.

Now, given that some of mine have the need for H/D - depending on the situation I may walk her over to the guy and allow him to do more than admire from a distance. Look, even touch within certain boundaries - but that depends on both the needs of the little one in question, and my particular mood. I am sure you can see a number of ways that the above can be used to feed the needs of your partner.

This can also be done in a number of other ways in a more private setting. If you have some contacts locally that you know and trust to be respectful of guidelines, set up a show in your home. Invite a few people over and display your girl, perhaps on a pole, or using direction. There are innumerable ways to satiate the "desire" need, and I have found that after an extended period of time together, that it is easier to fulfill that need through the use of others as well as myself. This of course is a personal view, and I would definitely say you should discuss anything that involves other people before you pursue it - if thats something you choose to do.

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/20/2009 12:40:55 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Switch757

One of her biggest needs is to feel beautiful and wanted



Tell to her imagine she's her best friend. That'll do the trick.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Switch757)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/20/2009 3:18:19 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Have you researched the pony play/training?
I have done pony play with females and I find there needs are very similar to your partner, in that they want to look beautiful, they want to perfect a movement and look graceful and they want to work there little arses off in the training! It can work out expensive when you consider the bridle, harness, feather plumage and boots and thats only the half of it. On top of that you would have to study the pony gait and how to go about training correctly.
If this is all too much try the personal trainer. This gives her very positive personal attention and will make her feel good about herself and pleasing you.

Maria


_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/20/2009 4:03:42 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: Switch757

One of her biggest needs is to feel beautiful and wanted



Tell to her imagine she's her best friend. That'll do the trick.


How sad that its so true

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/20/2009 7:54:08 PM   
Godhand502


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2008
From: Louisville, Kentucky, USA
Status: offline 		In addition to the great suggestions above, why not try to communicate more non-verbally? When you can make a woman feel beautiful with just a look, that is better than using words. For some reason, the look doesn't get played out as easily as "you're so hot". But anyways, something could be gained just by taking a more seductive edge with your non-verbals.

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Need help giving girlfriend what she needs. - 1/20/2009 8:11:37 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I had a meeting, I had to go to. But, when I walked by her, she just looked so ... delicious. Then I smelled her. I kissed her and told her she was driving me crazy. I got in my car and pulled out of the driveway. Then I pulled back in, walked in the house and grabbed her again. I smelled her and kissed her. I held her out and looked at her. It drove me wild. I threw her over my shoulder and carried her to the bedroom. Yea, I had to replace some clothes, yea I missed a meeting, but she sure as hell felt desirable.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Godhand502)
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