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Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 7:14:44 PM

ddogg2

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/6/2009
Status: offline

I've had an interest in more kinky things for a while and I always thought the term "bdsm" was just to far out there for me. Well a girl, its always a girl, that I meet off craigslist started telling me about her experiences. So I have started to get an interest in the subject. Its been about 6 months now since I meet her and I would say my experiences have still been mostly vanilla except for a few little adventures. Nothing too major. Oh we have not gotten together if you cared to know.

I've been reading alot on the subject and have decided a few things.   I know I am not a sub as that is just not my personality.   I don't think I am a dom in the bdsm term as I have no desire to have a slave or to really smack someone around and give them pain.   In fact I really don't have any desire to experiment with decipline or pain.   So why am I here?

Well I have always had a lingerie fetish. I'm not really interested in cross dressing. I enjoy anal sex, what guy doesn't? I like giving mild spankings. I've always found a woman wearing a strapon to be a huge turn on, but I don't need anal play to get off.

I just don't think my interests line up with the typical bdsm crowd?   Maybe I am somewhere in between?   All I know is that the typical girl on the street would find me to be a little wierd based on my above interests.   From 6 months of reading I would think the typical person interested in bdsm would find me too tame.

So the question is what does everyone think?   I like the online dating way of meeting woman but where should I go to find someone with like interests?

Post #: 1

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 7:21:11 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

I don't think I am a dom in the bdsm term as I have no desire to have a slave or to really smack someone around and give them pain. In fact I really don't have any desire to experiment with decipline or pain. So why am I here?

You are here to learn if that is what you think a dominant is.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 2

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 7:25:42 PM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

BDSM incorporates a huge variance in the things people like and do. There's a crowd who will tell you what you should do, tell you that you're not real, tell you day in and day out what a "true" Dom/sub will do. Ignore hell out of them. What works for you works for you, which is why so many here understand that one's kink is one's kink whether it makes any sense to anyone else or holds value for anyone else. There is good information here at times, good debate at times, pettiness at times just like there is in many places where people gather and talk. Ride the flow, take away the good things, leave the bad, and keep your mind open cause you might just find other things that have value for you.

And.. good luck.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 3

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 7:33:15 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Stick around for awhile. Use the Almighty search button and study, post questions and take it slow. Cm is great for learning about BDSM. Also please be informed no one has the rights to what is true and not. Honor who you are, be open to question yourself, and experience the inner growth.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to StrangerThan)

Post #: 4

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 9:11:34 PM

Lee4U2tie

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/6/2009
Status: offline

yeah, study, meet some people, learn. There's tons of people with different levels of being 'into' the scene. Don't worry abotu the people that don't think you're hardcore enough. It's all good.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 5

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 10:15:44 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

Usually I whip out a smartass one-liner, but I'll treat your question with the sincerity you displayed.

Being a dom is a state of mind, as is being a sub. Dominance can be subtile. Frankly, I'm suspicious of (usually young) doms who throw their weight around, as if they have to convince everyone of their dominance.

The d/s scale is a continuum. You may be near the middle of the scale but apparently have other kinks. Keep an open mind and avoid assumptions (like everyone enjoys anal sex).

Good luck.

(in reply to Lee4U2tie)

Post #: 6

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/18/2009 10:27:55 PM

LordDarkPleasure

Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

I'm a bit like you, ddogg2. I've always been naturally Dominant, although I do not feel a NEED to dominate. I simply find a bound woman to be really beautiful, and having my partner submit to me is simply in my comfort zone. I have no problem with letting another Dominant person order me around as long as those orders make sense and it gets whatever we want to do done. I'm basically quite laid back, on top of being probably one of the most normal person on collarme. That's not quite what subs look for around here.

The good news is, I still found people I could connect with on this website. There are quite a few lurkers around, who simply want to find the right person before making their profile. So make your profile, give an honest description of yourself, and see around who might be interested in what you seek. Also, you have interests that are deviant enough to make you want to seek a non vanilla person, if only to have her understand your needs. You won't find the perfect match though, in the sense that a female with the same interests as yours will come up instantly. Look up what are the interests of people that seem to enjoy similar things, and ask yourself if you'd be ready to try what they like. Figure out what you're willing to try, even if you're not quite into those things, to see if you could find a common field with them. After all if you want people to try out your kinks, you have to be willing to try out theirs.

(in reply to Lee4U2tie)

Post #: 7

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/19/2009 6:45:31 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I am a slave but not a masochist. I had wondered, like you, if this could be the right place for me. I found a Master who is much more interested in being obeyed than in being a sadist. He didn't care that I can't wear high heels, and by now we have been together for over a year.

Each of us coming here has different likes and dislikes. Some assume their roles for a session while others choose (or feel compelled to) live their entire life that way. There is a counterpart for almost everyone, a partner with similar tastes. Get in touch with what you really want from a relationship and no doubt you will be sparking interest in someone else very soon.

_____________________________

(in reply to LordDarkPleasure)

Post #: 8

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/19/2009 8:19:53 AM

Carnae7

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline

I think the fact that you even found this place speaks volumes and should answer your question for you. If not, here's another often heard phrase. "You are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment."

Best of luck.

_____________________________

How far is Heaven? Only as far away as my Master.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 9

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/19/2009 11:14:36 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carnae7

I think the fact that you even found this place speaks volumes and should answer your question for you. If not, here's another often heard phrase. "You are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment."

Best of luck.

Sometimes I grrrrrrrrrrr at that phrase, but in reality it is so true. Thank you Carnae for the reminder.

(in reply to Carnae7)

Post #: 10

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/21/2009 10:44:54 PM

ddogg2

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carnae7
I think the fact that you even found this place speaks volumes and should answer your question for you.

I guess I think I am to vanilla for the typical collar me person. I have not meet anyone here yet. I guess my interests are too tame. I prefer online dating / meeting people. Just wondering if this was the best place or was there a better place for my tame vanilla ways :)

(in reply to Carnae7)

Post #: 11

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/21/2009 10:51:05 PM

SafetySwitch

Posts: 3
Status: offline

You are not the only one who feels that way. Be who you are. Try different things, but be who you are. Explore. Yopu will find lots of women wanting a "experienced dom". That's not me either. Hang in there. You belong here.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 12

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/21/2009 10:53:46 PM

SafetySwitch

Posts: 3
Status: offline

Again, you are not the only one who is "too vanilla for kink and too kinky for vanilla." I feel the same way. Stick around though.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 13

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/21/2009 11:04:40 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

Well I have always had a lingerie fetish. I'm not really interested in cross dressing. I enjoy anal sex, what guy doesn't? I like giving mild spankings. I've always found a woman wearing a strapon to be a huge turn on, but I don't need anal play to get off.

This Guy

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 14

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/22/2009 7:42:51 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carnae7
I think the fact that you even found this place speaks volumes and should answer your question for you.

I guess I think I am to vanilla for the typical collar me person. I have not meet anyone here yet. I guess my interests are too tame. I prefer online dating / meeting people. Just wondering if this was the best place or was there a better place for my tame vanilla ways :)

You've only been here about a week and a half. Some people have been here years and have not found the wonderful chemistry they seek. Relax and be yourself.

Oh and there are about as many variations of D/s and BDSM as you can think of, and everything in between - tame, wild, you name it.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 15

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/22/2009 7:57:17 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

It depends really what you are seeking to get here. My purpose was to find out more about myself as a submissive. In my early 50's I would have balked at the idea that I am submissive, now at 57 I had learned what I have kept hidden from myself for so many years. I didn't come looking for a Dom here, but to learn. I think if I did come to find a Dom here, I wouldnt started to look right away. I would still have done what I did in the beginning..learning about me and what is it that I want. There is no right way to be, but to be comfortable with yourself.

oceanwynds

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 16

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/22/2009 1:57:22 PM

Metamorph

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2008
From: Toronto
Status: offline

There are some commonalities rooted in human psychology but a great deal of variance in behaviour and preferences as well. It also seems as if you don't have a lot of experience, and while some people know from childhood what their interests are, others only find out after fate and happenstance opens a door for them.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 17

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/22/2009 7:49:14 PM

ddogg2

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

You've only been here about a week and a half. Some people have been here years and have not found the wonderful chemistry they seek. Relax and be yourself.

Actually I have had an account for 4 months
My account will not allow me to log into the discussion forums
I have sent a message to support and they said they would get back to me
So I had to create another account to post here.
Same name but without the number 2

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 18

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/22/2009 10:16:55 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

You've only been here about a week and a half. Some people have been here years and have not found the wonderful chemistry they seek. Relax and be yourself.

Actually I have had an account for 4 months
My account will not allow me to log into the discussion forums
I have sent a message to support and they said they would get back to me
So I had to create another account to post here.
Same name but without the number 2

Oh ok. Sorry you're having techno issues! 4 months is still a relatively short time in the big picture. Have patience, take your time, and enjoy what you discover along the way :)

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 19

RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/23/2009 7:42:32 AM

Godhand502

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2008
From: Louisville, Kentucky, USA
Status: offline

Not every guy enjoys being fucked with a strap on. Sorry.

But after reading your post, you sound more like a switch than a Dom.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 20

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