What Is "Real"

What Is "Real" (Full Version)

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Morghan -> What Is "Real" (1/7/2006 9:58:04 PM)
I have been thinking a lot about the posts on these boards. Every once in a while someone posts with such glaring errors in their typing or with such outlandish statements that they are greeted with ROFL's and LOL's and other derison for being a bit out in left field. So I thought to myself, how about a discussion on being real? What is it that makes each of us feel like we are the genuine article? Or, what do we look for in others to know that they are the real deal, someone doing more than poking about on the internet? I'll start with a few things I look for, and hopefully others will share what they consider 'green flags' instead of focusing on the 'red flags.' Offering of mundane life info Respectful tone (even from a dominant speaking to a sub) *Diverse interests (not focused solely on what I'll do to him/her) ~Morghan

Petruchio -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/7/2006 10:35:25 PM)
I have to recuse myself. Chymes has already concluded I'm unreal.

truesub4u -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/7/2006 10:48:32 PM)
I would laugh... but not sure I should... so I'll say.. Nice Posting Petruchio, but I think you being real or unreal hasn't been established quite yet. I think you are still under the review boards as to being alien or not. (Grinz)

veronicaofML -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/7/2006 11:12:53 PM)
real what? real 24/7? like me being on-duty 18 hours a day..7 days a week....and IF i get 6 hrs of sleep i call myself damned lucky..... what type of real do you want to talk about? real enough that i never am allowed to leave the property on my own...i am either in the house/...coz it is winter or i am outside for a bit while the dogs do what they gotta do... is this it??? real that i have zero money at all times??????? real that SHE has access to my bank and all my sites and email...with my passwords? what kind of real do you want????? real that i have no outside friends to see or talk to....real that SHE is my whole world???? real that "I" am only allowed 2 hrs of tv a week? real that i do not have access to a radio, unless i walk out in the cold and sit in my van for a few minutes? please tell me what kind of real???? that i am not a do-me and have NO sex fantasies or kinks to be used as a control method by dommes?? am i close yet?

ShiftedJewel -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 4:55:25 AM)
quote: Offering of mundane life info Respectful tone (even from a dominant speaking to a sub) *Diverse interests (not focused solely on what I'll do to him/her) Great points and I would like to add... the conversation isn't all about kink. We always try to get to know the person as a person first... That's not saying we don't flirt, Scooter and I are both major flirts. I think one of what I see as a "green flag" is that some add their "dislikes" and "hates" to their list of interests and then when you talk to them those don't change... if that makes any sense at all. See, to me, I believe the other person is more believable when they don't change their interests as soon as you say that you enjoy something that they hate. It's almost like a lot of people are playing the guessing game out there with the likes and dislikes catagory... you know, throw out enough bait and your bound to catch something. As for me and mine... we are willing to give out our real names and phone numbers to any potential... As well as offering to be seen on cam (seen... not cyber) and will also give out contact info for the BDSM support group we belong to and are willing to meet face to face. But, as far as I'm concerned... all the info in the world can be fabricated easily enough, it's the willingness to meet on neutral ground that stands out to me. Great topic by the way! Jewel

Padriag -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 5:45:34 AM)
Yup, consistency is something to watch for. Both consistency between what they say in conversation and what's in their profile / posts as well as consistency between conversations... that what they told you last week is still what they tell you this week. Someone who isn't perfect... has normal problems, flaws, etc. Whenever I come across someone who either seems too perfect (they just don't have any problem of any kind and seem to be everything I asked for), or someone with a lot of problems... I get concerned and usually back off.

windchymes -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 5:48:18 AM)
If Petruchio wrote it, you can laugh[:D] He's as real as it gets! chymes

windchymes -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 5:50:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Yup, consistency is something to watch for. Both consistency between what they say in conversation and what's in their profile / posts as well as consistency between conversations... that what they told you last week is still what they tell you this week. Someone who isn't perfect... has normal problems, flaws, etc. Whenever I come across someone who either seems too perfect (they just don't have any problem of any kind and seem to be everything I asked for), or someone with a lot of problems... I get concerned and usually back off. This is a really good point, Padriag. (Yet) another old wise saying that I live by is that: "If it seems to good to be true, it probably is." chymes

MHOO314 -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 6:15:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morghan I have been thinking a lot about the posts on these boards. Every once in a while someone posts with such glaring errors in their typing or with such outlandish statements that they are greeted with ROFL's and LOL's and other derison for being a bit out in left field. So I thought to myself, how about a discussion on being real? What is it that makes each of us feel like we are the genuine article? Or, what do we look for in others to know that they are the real deal, someone doing more than poking about on the internet? I'll start with a few things I look for, and hopefully others will share what they consider 'green flags' instead of focusing on the 'red flags.' Offering of mundane life info Respectful tone (even from a dominant speaking to a sub) Diverse interests (not focused solely on what I'll do to him/her) ~Morghan What a marvelous question Morghan and welcome to the boards (I see you have posted but are still somewhat new)..For Me, being real starts with representing who you are, yes, we all shave a year or two, a pound or two--BUT most of us are here for a reason, to find someone compatible to our needs/desires--it seems that because it is the internet, people feel that they can and do blantantly misrepresent and they think its funny--if one is so insecure abotu discovery that they feel they need to misrepresent, why come to a site like this that they could indeed run into the pastor--so it starts with being who you say you are--then as you mentioned, its having a side that is not kink related, outside interests, sharing as you so wonderfully stated "mundane life things"-- Those are some of the things that attracted Me to the boy--he had a vanilla life--with day to day "stuff" as I call it and so did I--it wasn't easy either at times for us to share those things, it isn't easy for Me to share with him when I am angry over My Mother's death and the decisions she made that may have caused it, but he has to know that there is a real person behind those stiletto heels (down boy---grins)--he even posted recently saying that we share the daily grind-and we are interested in it*--it matters to us. That is another area of real--it matters to us what the other goes through during the day--we know the kink factor is there, but its woven into our lives as a rope is woven--too much of one and not enough of the other is not IMHO a good balance. We have been communicating for over 4 months and have just ventured into music likes/dislikes--I am well versed as he is, but he has introduced Me to new artists I knew little about--we continue to learn and grow--no conversation is left feeling empty. The respect factor---is huge in My book, on BOTH sides of the dynamic--I respect him--he is a man/boy/submissive--I respect all those sides, I respect the mere fact that he is honest about those sides. I cannot stand the "flip" attitudes--the arrogant tongue in cheek come ons, I didn't tolerate it in public. I don't tolerate it here. He repsects Me as a Woman and all My sides-- My job is international marketing, My teams are around the world, so I am on the phone constantly and have developed a very good ability to find the person behind the conversation--so moving to live communication is very key to Me to find the real person-- listening for the clues that tell Me, true or pretend--I do not though give out My home numbers at first since I have others in My home--but I do give out IM addy and I make the first call or calls--a well written profile does not always mean a deep person behind it--talk is very key. The last thing for Me is that it isn't all about them--I know there are submissives out there like that, but that is not in My menu--gleening what I am going to do so they get off--that is not what I personally seek--but it also isn't all about Me--I want an "all about us" approach. I am going to use a phrase I use at work-- " Fear of exclusion leads to the sin of inclusion" and I think that holds true here, what we miss is that by not being real we make the search harder--but there are also those that don't care-- Thank you for a great question!

Petruchio -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 5:04:04 PM)
quote: If Petruchio wrote it, you can laugh He's as real as it gets! (gasp) Uh oh! My veil is being pierced! (Just don't pierce my heart.)

Petruchio -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 5:08:06 PM)
quote: I think you being real or unreal hasn't been established quite yet. I think you are still under the review boards as to being alien or not. I give 'blue blood' a whole different meaning. trusub, your photo's gone missing. Is it in bondage or something?

talmar -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/8/2006 5:18:53 PM)
I look for shared vanilla interests. I am willing to give my name. I am willing to share actual scene photos of me playing. I can provide scene references. I am willing to give out my real email & phone numbers once I feel I am compatible with someone. I look for the same willingness with anyone I would consider playing r/t with.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/9/2006 6:09:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morghan What is it that makes each of us feel like we are the genuine article? For me it's just knowing my orientation like I know I am bisexual and polyamorous. I simply feel more ME in relationships that have this aspect of them. This is also why I understand it's ridiculous for anyone to try and judge anothers orientation outside of a perosnal relationship with them. quote: Or, what do we look for in others to know that they are the real deal, someone doing more than poking about on the internet? That's pretty easy to figure out- the sincerity of their questions, the scope of their questions, and their willingness to take it offline. quote: Offering of mundane life info Respectful tone (even from a dominant speaking to a sub) *Diverse interests (not focused solely on what I'll do to him/her) ~Morghan That sounds like normal vanilla getting to know people stuff. I agree, those are good things to have, but not really useful in figuring out whether someone is just a good person to know offline versus whether someone is compatible for you in a Ds type relationship.

truesub4u -> RE: What Is "Real" (1/9/2006 7:50:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Petruchio trusub, your photo's gone missing. Is it in bondage or something? I noticed that. I came on line 2 days ago and it was gone! The pic that was on boards here was same in profile. So beats me. But that was gone too. So I added pic to profile again. But it's not here. So don't know why they removed pic. Haven't asked yet either. Just thought I reached a time they figured it was time to get rid of it... LOL (Damn since moving to laptop I do more editing for typos than ever before.. lol)

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