The One that got away, thank heavens

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CatdeMedici -> The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 5:08:37 AM)
(We often talk here about the warnings signs for flaky submissives, what one looks for, what one experiences, Other than females asking for tributes and emails from Ghana-- I thought it might be good to get some perspectives on the following): <we are not here to mention names, only incidents> What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant? In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills? Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it? Did you have what you call a "close call"?

allthatjaz -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 5:52:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici (We often talk here about the warnings signs for flaky submissives, what one looks for, what one experiences, Other than females asking for tributes and emails from Ghana-- I thought it might be good to get some perspectives on the following): <we are not here to mention names, only incidents> What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant? In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills? Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it? Did you have what you call a "close call"? I met a guy a couple of times for a meal. The first time there was clearly a warning bell and I spoke to him about it but was talked round and reassured. On the third meeting I allowed him into my home. Stupid perhaps but by then I really believed I wanted to go there. It ended up with me running from my own house with my cat in my arms (because he had threatened to kill my cat), driving round to a friends who immediately drove the guy away. I got out before I was seriously hurt. I did fear for my life and I remained incredibly calm in this particular situation. I believe it gave me all the right warning bells for an unconsensual sadist and it taught me a good lesson in always listen to your gut instinct

Aileen1968 -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 8:44:01 AM)
I passed on the guy who was a martial artist, admitted he had anger issues and was obsessed with my neck and strangling me...

OttersSwim -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 8:51:33 AM)
"I just can't wait to introduce you to my pet 'Sid'...he's actually a 50 gallon drum of acid...but body, I mean 'boy' do we have such good times together! Hey? Hey, where are you going? Come back! Come back! Sid will like you, I promise!" [;)]

WalterRego -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 9:21:06 AM)
Long delays before meeting are a definite warning sign to me. I do understand that a Dominant will want to determine that a sub is genuine, interesting, responsible and not a jerk and that it may take a certain number of e-mails and/or conversations to determine this. However, the only way you (and he or she) is going to determine if there is an attraction and personal chemistry is meeting. Might as well find out sooner rather than later. If she's not willing to expose who she is and find out you are, fairly soon , that is a big warning flag to me. Note: I do not meet meeting to play

Carnae7 -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 9:35:00 AM)
quote: It ended up with me running from my own house with my cat in my arms (because he had threatened to kill my cat), driving round to a friends who immediately drove the guy away. Holy Crap!!! That sounds very intense!! I'm sure you glad you got away with your skin and your cat intact! ~smiles~ For me, some early warning signs are when Doms talk to me in a patronizing, very phoney, unrealistic way. I often think, "Wow!! I am submissive, NOT stupid!" In fact, I am an intelligent woman with a mind of my own, and I function well in the outside, vanilla world. I CHOOSE this lifestyle, and I CHOOSE to submit, because it fits for me, and meets needs and desires deep within me. Another warning sign is when a Dom starts giving me orders right away, without knowing the slightest bit about me, and then really expects me to follow those orders! Puh-leeze!! Get the hell over yourself, you pompous Ass! Before any Dom gets the gift of my submission, He must first of all be respectful to me and others. Even then, my level of submission is in direct relation to the level of contact we have established. If W/we are in an appropriate venue, and the custom is for me to show Him respect in a public forum, then I follow the rules and comply. But only to a certain level. One last warning sign I’d like to mention, is if they are EXTREMELY private, will not tell me ANYTHING about themselves, (almost to the point of paranoia) yet demand total openness and honesty from me. Say what?? I understand the need for discretion and wanting to be sure about someone before opening ourselves up, and taking a risk with some of the information we share. But it really is a two-way street guys! I also have a life, want a certain degree of discretion, and also have a lot to lose if it were widely/easily known that I am in this lifestyle and on this type of site. For anything more than limited, general submission, first, and most importantly, He needs to be MY Dom. Then, when I do submit, it is with all my heart and capabilities, quickly, willingly, with total abandon and trust, and with nothing held back. *How far is Heaven? Only as far away as my Master.*

IrishMist -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 9:47:23 AM)
quote: What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant? Well let's see. My warning system always goes into overdrive when a Dominant posts on the boards asking what the warning signs are that make them flaky.

RCdc -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 9:58:25 AM)
quote: What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant? I do not regard the orientation of a person, just people. People that ask - what I deem to be - silly questions and asking for subjective warning signs is one of those questions. quote: In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills? I don't have anyone dictate where I go to, let alone run. I either never arrived at that stage to have to do that, am extremely fortunate or I just have good judgement. I tend to believe it's my judgement. YMMV. quote: Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it? No. quote: Did you have what you call a "close call"? And no. the.dark.

CatdeMedici -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 10:36:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 I passed on the guy who was a martial artist, admitted he had anger issues and was obsessed with my neck and strangling me... ok --I'm sorry that made me spew water.

KatyLied -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 10:38:09 AM)
quote: My warning system always goes into overdrive when a Dominant posts on the boards asking what the warning signs are that make them flaky. LOL

marie2 -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 2:02:22 PM)
I passed on the guy who thought I should turn over all my money and assets to him.

NuevaVida -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 2:38:58 PM)
My most negative experiences were not with dominants at all, rather with non-D/s folks.

kiwisub12 -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 6:19:20 PM)
The fella who wanted me to wear 5" heels and "dress-up" clothes - and give his slave a blow job in a public place! Talk about fantasy!

briarrosethorne -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 7:58:03 PM)
A lot of my warning signs revolve around being treated like I'm stupid. I do not care to be humiliated or chastised for being female and submissive. I have yet to (thankfully) have a close call, although I have met a few people who were very much stuck in a fantasy world. I recall a meeting with a guy at a party who was just not only living in a fantasy world but not very intelligent on top of it and I just about ran screaming :) hehe.... but thats about the worst I have come across in my travels. ~Briar~

subgirl2009 -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 8:44:41 PM)
Big red flag warning signs: - He didn't want me to email or talk to anyone else on CM or other chat sites after 2 days of talking with him - He wanted to meet for full physical interaction in less than 2 weeks from our first online chat - He was married and OK with the fact that he'd never told him wife he's been living this lifestyle for YEARS - He talked intensely about taking by force in the first 2 days - He couldn't handle even verbal questioning or confrontation on my limits. Head for the hills time!!

ALAstella -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 10:49:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant? You know to be honest I can't remember. Prior to Ala I had served around 9 dommes since the age of 17, some fo them still have friendly contact with me, and when I think back and especially now, all I can remember is all the things they taught me, showed me, and the many things they did for me. All I can remember is that we laughed together, cried together, share so many intimate feelings and problems, and stuck by each other through thick and thin. quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills? Even when I jump in both feet into a relationship it's a calculated risk and I operate on the principle that I never ever get myself into a situation which I cannot get myself out of independently. quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it? I approach all my friendships and relationships the same way, by being open, honest and pretty much emotionally transparent. You don't find yourself in friendships and relationships without giving people chances. Yes I did get the 'warning bells' go off sometimes, and sometimes I sat it out just to see what would happen next, and quite often I'm glad to say I was proved wrong. Usually when my intuition was right I was still online with someone, but you know, no harm no foul. quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Did you have what you call a "close call"? Yes I did, during my 'asshole phase' in Warsaw in 2003 and 2004 when I screwed up on a few good relationships and even let one or two dommes down. Not quite 'close call' I guess but more 'almost succeeded but screwed up' would be more accurate here. For the 500 or more attempts online which never came to anything there might have been more than a few close calls, but then again, what you don't know about cannot harm you.

Aszhrae -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/19/2009 11:31:15 PM)
Thank you for your post Carnae7, its exactly how I have been feeling about dommes I have spoken to as well. Generally how I feel towards most dommes and their profiles. Another warning sign is common courtesy. Not met yet but if they are not even going to display rudimentary courtesies then its time to say 'bye-bye'.

Sexycelticlady -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/20/2009 12:43:31 AM)
My first meeting with a so called Dom went badly and I am glad it didn't end up being a lot worse. I was lucky enough to encounter some really nice people involved in the lifestyle afterwards and quickly realised what warning bells I should have seen but didn't know any better. Warning bells such as not answering my questions about exactly what we would be doing ("it would spoil the surprise, after all he was supposed to be the one in contro"), not discussing limits, even though I had tried to raise the subject, using "mercy" as a safeword, one that he didn't respect the 7 times I had to use it I might add. I was silly and naive, had a bad, painful and frightening experience, which ended with me begging him to let me leave after a 5 hour scene that involved way too much for a newbie. The guy actually followed me to another website as well, by that time I had friends on the site and they alerted the local community to his activities.

subtee -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/20/2009 4:36:35 AM)
The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration. *Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: The One that got away, thank heavens (1/20/2009 5:12:09 AM)
The worst experience I ever had, was with a guy who gave off absolutely no red flags. On the surface, he was damn near perfect. I met him at a munch, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone, went out several times and got to know each other. There were no red flags to warn me of the nightmare experience I was to face once tied up and helpless in his home. The really dangerus ones, aren't the bviously flakey, red flag waving spooks.

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