Ho hum, now what?

Ho hum, now what? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

CatdeMedici -> Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 10:33:54 AM)
So you have some things that you really like to play with/do/experience--but eventually they don't deliver the wow factor or they get boring or too hard to plan for--what do you do to keep those favorite things hot while you look around for some new wow factor?

Mercnbeth -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 10:36:34 AM)
Maybe it's not the same old boring play/scene; maybe its the actor(s).

littlewonder -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 10:42:05 AM)
If it's no longer giving me the "wow factor" then it's not what I'm doing, it's who I'm doing it with.

NCNutCase -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 10:51:10 AM)
More detail will give opportunity for clearer answers... When I got 'bored' with rope, I tereveled to as many demos as possible and watched rope experts do their thing. I pulled them aside afterwards and asked dozens of questions. This helped me get over a learning hump and I added suspensino to my bondage skills. Since then rope has yet to again bore me... When I got bored with electricity, I bought more electro toys and learned new ways to use my old ones. Since then my attraction to electro play has wavered, but with an eager bottom I can always become inspired... Most of my other interests have also wavered. Learning new ways to exercise the fetish or new toys to use with it is a good way to keep it fresh, but in the end sometimes taking a break from an interest allows it to renew itself naturally. This is also a great time to try new things. PS - I disagree with the above suggestion of it's the people involved. When I hit my wall with both rope and electro play (these walls were years apart) I was playing with multiple girls... and several of those girls I continued playing with after I got past my wall... But that's simply my experience, I can also understand that getting tired of a play partner may feel like I'm tired of a particular fetish....

DavanKael -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 11:07:12 AM)
I agree with Mercnbeth and littlewonder. There is also the detail that across time, with repetition, certain additions or whatever may be reasonable but I think that would be evidence of growth in a relationship ideally; ie: the next reasonable step rather than a needed addition to save things. Davan

akisha -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 11:12:46 AM)
I've never been bored with a scene. Just the fact that Master and I are together and connecting and touching and well stuff, is all the WOW factor I need. If things are getting to "routine" then make a suggestion in doing something different. If you are always needing to push the bar then that is more an you issue then anything else

kallisto -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 11:23:35 AM)
I have to agree that it's not the "things or experiences" but the person you're doing them with in not delivering the "wow" factor. But being too hard to plan around could simply be life is getting too fast and time to take a step back and see what can be done to not make it so hard to plan around.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 11:31:50 AM)
There are so many things to do... when I get tired of something, I move on to something else for awhile! Or stop doing anything that seems routine, and go back to the same old things with fresh interest.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 12:07:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kallisto I have to agree that it's not the "things or experiences" but the person you're doing them with in not delivering the "wow" factor. But being too hard to plan around could simply be life is getting too fast and time to take a step back and see what can be done to not make it so hard to plan around. Hello kallisto. I find that people expecting being delivered a ''wow'' factor are the one's most likely to receive the less ''wow'' (unless it is new, exciting because of the novelty effect). People who think they are the ones who ''deliver'' the ''wow'' to the ones they are with, have a much higher success rate in being ''wowed'' in return. It is what you bring to the table that is on the table. Narcissists (all about me) are very wanting and usually do not get ''exactly'' what they desire. Altruists (all about you) are always getting something fresh no matter how repetitive and routine things get. Since most people are between the two, with a little work and focus, any scene should get you some ''wow'' as long as you put your focus on giving ''wow'', not receiving ''wow''. People have the restaurant going attitude, menu please! The best ''chefs'' are in the kitchen and can wow you with the same dish every time. Just my opinion. RL.

thetammyjo -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 12:09:56 PM)
You know I'm never the same person even if the activity may seem to be identical. My slave is never the same person. I think once you get beyond the activities and into the joy of observing these changes the same old- same old is suddenly "wow, this time he reacted like this" or "wow, that felt different this time". I can't tell you how to get to that place though. It comes from a connection that grew over time. I don't recall doing anything to make it grow or even looking specifically for it.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 12:24:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici So you have some things that you really like to play with/do/experience--but eventually they don't deliver the wow factor or they get boring or too hard to plan for--what do you do to keep those favorite things hot while you look around for some new wow factor? I haven't run into this problem. I am always looking for ways to change the old stuff I do and I always look to add in at least 1 or 2 differing things every 12 -18 mos but one of the things that makes it interesting for me always is looking to mix it up by doing what the submissive really likes sometimes and what I really like at other times. For me, even when the scene is comprised only of stuff that the submissive likes, by varying how I do it, it stays interesting for me and...I have found so far...for her. Luckily, with most of my partners, it has been the connection between us that mattered more in the end than the play we were doing and that connection was always woven into the play.

chezzy71 -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 12:37:14 PM)
Obviously,i already undesrtand with Mistress that scening will take place when the time allows it.SAhe has a very important job and is always busy either with that or her um or the pets.Iam glad she is that busy because when the time is set aside,whatever she thinks of will be fresh and i know will always come from her heart.one can't ask for more than that.

mummyman321 -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 12:43:13 PM)
Your mind is your only limitation. If you find something boring, obviously a change is required. But only you can decide what that change needs to be. Half the fun in BDSM is trying new things to discover if you like them. The other half is doing the one you enjoy again and again.

KnightofMists -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 2:02:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici --but eventually they don't deliver the wow factor or they get boring or too hard to plan for-- aaaaawww No... After 20 plus years... that smile of Alandra still wows me... her laugh wows me... her eyes still wows me... Even last night as I lay to sleep.. I was wow'd with just being between Alandra and Kyra. Kyra is has only been with me a few years... I am excited as hell to know that next 20 plus years is going to be more wowing... and then some. If Alandra or Kyra ever stop wowing me... I am going to have to look at what I am doing wrong and not look for something new to wow me.

DesFIP -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 2:32:17 PM)
Some people are adrenaline junkies, they are always looking for a bigger rollercoaster to ride. Thankfully that isn't us. We are perfectly happy doing the same old thing whenever time allows. But perhaps if we had time to play nightly things might begin to bore us. Since it's another three years till we get an empty nest, I'll have to report back then.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 2:46:54 PM)
Wow, I just wrote about this in my journal. I offer another idea (not judging anyone else, just speaking from personal experience). I believe that things become boring, because we are not in complete relationship. I don't ever judge whether a relationship should involve two, three or more people, but I think we let lifestyle or kink overshadow the completeness of a relationship between people. While not denying the power and passion of that side of a relationship, it alone, will leave us with a hunger. Too many try to fill that hunger by involving more people or chasing the same dream over and over with different people, trying to recapture the excitement. But life needs balance. I want the passion along with the quiet love and trust that is actually the truest and strongest part of a relationship. I've come to the realization, that if a relationship is built on love, trust and a sense of belonging, the passion will grow and grow. While we may experiment with certain differences, we will always be wowed. I agree with you KnightofMists and I'm jealous. I, too, want to find a person to wow me, each and every day, for the rest of my life.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 2:56:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici So you have some things that you really like to play with/do/experience--but eventually they don't deliver the wow factor or they get boring or too hard to plan for--what do you do to keep those favorite things hot while you look around for some new wow factor? I have yet to have any interaction with this man become boring. We spend a tremendous amount of time talking which leads to little lightbulbs going off in our heads about new things we want to try. They all go on the very long and fun "to do" list. We also never specifically plan anything. Our play flows from the unique energy that's felt when we're together. Things have become more intense each and every time we've been together. He can even make my brain go fuzzy just from a text message.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 4:07:25 PM)
Hello Aileen1968. Love your reply. Makes me think of a dancing partner with whom you dance the same dances over and over again. At first you have a feeling of self, dancing with the other. With time you just have a feeling of dancing and you forget about the repetitions, you are just in a bliss. Synergy, that is what it is called. It comes with repetition and a dancing heart. Novelty may be exciting, but refinement is bliss. RL.

eponavet -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 4:19:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici --but eventually they don't deliver the wow factor or they get boring or too hard to plan for-- aaaaawww No... After 20 plus years... that smile of Alandra still wows me... her laugh wows me... her eyes still wows me... Even last night as I lay to sleep.. I was wow'd with just being between Alandra and Kyra. Kyra is has only been with me a few years... I am excited as hell to know that next 20 plus years is going to be more wowing... and then some. If Alandra or Kyra ever stop wowing me... I am going to have to look at what I am doing wrong and not look for something new to wow me. Awesome post....i often wonder how it will be in 20 years, when i am not a physically pleasing, or limber...lol. But i know it is a deeper connection and we'll make up new things that i AM capable of doing to please Him (or Them....) physically..and hopefully He'll still love my eyes (the thing He seems to love the most...well, the thing i can share with YOU guys! [:-]...)

ALAstella -> RE: Ho hum, now what? (1/19/2009 4:35:10 PM)
We don't have to do much, just be ourselves. Seems that other people have the wow factor.. or that it's easy to blow some people's minds.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125