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Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen again - 1/19/2009 12:57:36 PM

curiousINct

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

I'm very new to bdsm and have been seeing a Dom met here (thanks CM) for just about 4 months. We spent this weekend together and everything was, as always, wonderful.

Yesterday we played for a bit. Nothing new was introduced, maybe the intensity turned up just a little. My body, however, reacted like it never has before. The internal fireworks (major explosions would probably be more accurate) didn't stop for a good 10 min after we were done.

The problem was the way I reacted afterwards. It totally freaked me out. I was on my feet and heading to get dressed within 2 minutes of when the fireworks stopped, and completely shut down - struggling to even make small talk over the next hour or so til I got home. At the time, I couldn't put my finger on what had me freaked, it was only this morning that I realized it was because of that amazing, holy-crap-did-that-really-happen feeling.

Have any of you experienced a reaction like this? Any tips on anything I can do to make sure something similar doesn't happen again?

It's disappointing to react this way to something that was so amazing.

< Message edited by curiousINct -- 1/19/2009 1:00:03 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 1:57:41 PM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

You say it like it was a bad thing.

Any time you have a new and very intense emotional experience you might find yourself unable to respond normally; that doesn't mean you won't regain your composure just like you did this time. Part of the joy of this lifestyle is to have those amazing feelings, and I suspect over time you will be better able to enjoy the roller coaster ride. Give it some time.

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 2

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 2:39:48 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What kind of aftercare do you normally get? What would have helped?
Does he hold you afterwards, stroking you till you calm down or are you expected to immediately be your normal self?

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

Post #: 3

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 2:47:39 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Some would call it subdrop, its a physical and emotional reaction to the wow factor---I am sure your Dom was pleased that He was able to reach you thus.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 4

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 2:54:54 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't know Cat, subdrop has never hit me within 2 minutes of play stopping.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 5

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 2:56:11 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I call it the morning after syndrome...but it usually hits the morning after.

You shouldn't be disappointed, we're doing intense stuff here, you're putting your mind and body through paces it's never really even considered much before and playing with body chemistry in all new ways. Scene space is irrational headspace. Trying to put a rational skew on it just won't apply.

The fact that you've experienced it prepares you for it next time, so you'll be more attuned to it and it might go away altogether. There is, as mentioned, aftercare. Either with him or with a friend or by yourself to give yourself some more time to relax and reassociate into the rational world.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 6

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 3:18:06 PM

curiousINct

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What kind of aftercare do you normally get? What would have helped?
Does he hold you afterwards, stroking you till you calm down or are you expected to immediately be your normal self?

Hi Des,

No, I'm not expected to immediately be myself, he's very caring and has never rushed it. The thing is, I wasn't even open to aftercare. It was me who hopped up right away and got moving, I'm not sure there's anything he could have done to change the reaction - this was all me not being able to deal.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 3:31:51 PM

curiousINct

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Some would call it subdrop, its a physical and emotional reaction to the wow factor---I am sure your Dom was pleased that He was able to reach you thus.

Hi Cat,

I dropped a few times in the fall, it was happening 24-36 hours after and lasting a full day minimum. (it seemed to stop after I made more of an effort to communicate openly, and not answer questions with one word - like 'fine.')

This was much different - it was instant, more of a panicked feeling, and it went away once I was alone. (then the confusion kicked in about having such a childish reaction..lol) I

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 8

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 3:41:04 PM

curiousINct

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I call it the morning after syndrome...but it usually hits the morning after.

You shouldn't be disappointed, we're doing intense stuff here, you're putting your mind and body through paces it's never really even considered much before and playing with body chemistry in all new ways. Scene space is irrational headspace. Trying to put a rational skew on it just won't apply.

The fact that you've experienced it prepares you for it next time, so you'll be more attuned to it and it might go away altogether. There is, as mentioned, aftercare. Either with him or with a friend or by yourself to give yourself some more time to relax and reassociate into the rational world.

Thanks, LA. This makes sense. Hopefully if it happens again, I'll recognize and be able to stop it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 4:15:41 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

sounds like he reached a place that you've let few get into..and that can be hard to admit at first so instead,,you hurry off to digest it in private...

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 10

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 4:48:12 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

I agree with Huntertn. I need personal space sometimes to deal with an intense emotion he stirs up. I don't feel the need to getup and go as you did, however, the next few days sometimes I feel a bit disassociated from him and find myself withdrawing a bit if this happens.

Have you spoken with your Dom about this reaction?

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(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 11

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 5:09:28 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello curiousINct. What you had was not subdrop but plain old ''shock'' (a small shock
not a big shock)

You can get shock not only from high level ''displeasure'' it can be from high level pleasure
also, but without the psychological negatives that ensue.

I think you did not do a proper ''warm down''. It is akin to high level athletes doing light
exercises after a gruelling physical effort. It keeps them from passing out from the blood
pressure drop (oxygen to the brain = good!)

Next time you play hard, tell your dom you need to walk around and talk for 5 minutes.
Fruit juice helps also to bring sugar levels up to par for the brain. That brain was working
very hard on many levels, it needs sugar and oxygen sometimes after intense activity. Talking
is part of aftercare, it brings you back to the ''frontal lobes'' and has the advantage of telling
your partner when it is time to go (if you are not very coherent you should not be alone'').

Hope this helps. RL

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 12

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/19/2009 5:16:41 PM

curiousINct

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

That might be it, Hunter. A little while ago it occurred to me that until now, I've managed to hang onto a little bit of control over my own reactions (at least in my head) and this was the first time that little bit of control was not there.

mc - No, except for a quick text explanation after figuring out it was a good thing that caused the bad reaction. (didn't want to bother him at work). Am going to now though, was just checking in here one more time before doing so.

Thanks to everyone who posted. Talking it out a bit helped a lot.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 13

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/20/2009 6:44:35 PM

faithfulfemme

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

When scening, and i get to fairly "deep" levels, i find there is a veritable electric storm going on in my head as i process all that is happening to my body and mind. It can be overwhelming.

Aftercare for me, is just to lie down, cover up with a blanket, and let my brain and the electrical storm calm down. i'm not alseep, i'm not in a coma, lol, i'm simply "coming down" from all the activity in my head. If my Top wants to hold me, it's ok as long as i'm not disturbed from this "reverie" i go into. No patting, no talking, no stroking, just sit with me and hold me.

Afterwards, when i rouse up from this state, which can be as long as 30 minutes, as RL mentioned, i have to have chocolate and lots of water. The chocolate gets my blood sugar up again, and the caffeine starts my heart up again.....jk..........

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 14

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/21/2009 6:44:15 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousINct

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Some would call it subdrop, its a physical and emotional reaction to the wow factor---I am sure your Dom was pleased that He was able to reach you thus.

Hi Cat,

I dropped a few times in the fall, it was happening 24-36 hours after and lasting a full day minimum. (it seemed to stop after I made more of an effort to communicate openly, and not answer questions with one word - like 'fine.')

This was much different - it was instant, more of a panicked feeling, and it went away once I was alone. (then the confusion kicked in about having such a childish reaction..lol) I

Remember: we are not plug in robots--emotional, physical and psychological factors can creep in and create an unsuspecting time bomb--to expect to react the same way all the time is not realistic. Take it for what it was--a different reaction.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 15

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/21/2009 9:17:25 AM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

I had that happen with Master T and it upset him. He finished and when he got up, all I could do was cry and didn't want to talk...not sure why, it was great, but just couldn't help it. Master T took it personally and really reacted himself. He was freaked out seeing me like that and was much slower the next time. I think that he understands now that I couldn't help that reaction...but he had never had anyone do that before. Just don't worry...it happens to everyone at some point.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 16

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/22/2009 2:14:05 PM

lilah333

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2009
Status: offline

I am really glad you posted this. I also appreciate the responses.
For me, i am also knew to this and have things happen that have been hard to understand until now.

The first time my owner used me in a way that caused me to feel very intense things. When we were done, I was almost in the fetal position. I could not talk and wanted to put my thumb in my mouth.

He kept looking at me and chatting away, but my eyes were like big saucers and I couldn't talk.

Whenever he uses my body to please himself i have trouble with trembling after. i am just used to it now i guess.

Thanks!

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 17

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/22/2009 9:03:19 PM

BalletBob

Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

I think you reached Sub Space. I done it only once, but I will never forget the feeling. Just enjoy the moment, and let it come all over you.

Sincerly, BalletBob

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(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 18

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/23/2009 11:46:54 AM

CallMePatches

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline

It's happened to me. It also scared the hell out of me. I couldn't put things into words on what was going on inside of me. I felt totally ill prepared for what happened and thought that I had over reacted to the stimuli. I felt like crying, and did. I tried talking to people about it but didn't really get much from it.
I guess I put it into terms for myself that sometimes I might be just a smidge more open to things than I normally am. Something happens to make everything feel more somehow. Now that it's happened to you, you can be aware of when it happens again. Just ride it out like you do the other awesome things. Don't try to articulate it right away. Give yourself some time to process things a bit.

(in reply to curiousINct)

Post #: 19

RE: Reacting poorly and making sure it doesn't happen a... - 1/23/2009 1:57:56 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

~FR~

What you've experienced is perfectly normal and I'd like to reiterate what faithfulfemme wrote.. chocolate should be a standard in your first aid kit when you play.. no joke.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to CallMePatches)

Post #: 20

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