Carnae7
Posts: 72
Joined: 11/29/2008
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Penis Research
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do a study of their own. After $250,000.00 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Newfoundlanders, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
$10 TestA fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?'
'Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.' The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?' 'You must pay first...... Those are the rules,' says the bartender.
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. 'Okay,' the bartender says, 'here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.
Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex. You have to take care of that problem!'
The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things.' 'Your call,' says the bartender. 'But, your money stays where it is.'
As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?' He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks... but he doesn't make a face, and he did it in fifty-eight seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling, biting, and screaming sounds... then nothing but silence!
Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body.
He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'
The moral to the story: Listen carefully to the directions, and don't trust your judgment when alcohol is involved!
_____________________________
How far is Heaven? Only as far away as my Master.
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