RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/20/2009 10:33:52 PM

ArthurMasters

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Joined: 1/17/2009
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Yes. Compatability is just as important in a D/s relationship as it is in any other. As can be seen from these posts, there is a wide variety available. Find someone who suits your own tastes, and if you are not sure yet what they are, then find someone who is willing to explore with you and help you to find them. Not all Doms/Masters are into TPE (total power exchange) by any means.

I wish you well in your search.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/21/2009 12:18:37 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cagliostro

He's abusive. There's a big difference between inflicting pain for the purpose of mutual pleasure and getting pleasure from inflicting pain. And you have every right to say that it's too much. So if he doesn't respect that, kick him to the door.

I don't agree that he is necessarily abusive. I do not enjoy pain but my Master takes great pleasure from inflicting pain. My pleasure comes from seeing the pleasure he gets and the look on his face when he is inflicting it. Not everyone that takes pain is a masochist some take it for the pleasure it gives to their partner / Master.

(in reply to cagliostro)

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/21/2009 1:02:53 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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I agree with many that their is nothing specific hear that would identify the OP'd Dominant as being abusive. However, I do feel that the OP is asking questions that seem to imply a concern for her well-being in the dynamic that she is in. It would appear that she is looking for validation to some internal concerns that she has with regards to her relationship.

To the OP... I think you need to stop looking for outward validations and trust how you feel about your situation! I would suggest you don't just jump at one thought with regards to your situation either. Look at your relationship on broader scope to determine your over all feelings of the relationship. In the end... you need to consider how do you feel about yourself! I personally believe a healthy relationship with another person makes you feel better about being who you are and not less! The relationship should validate how you see yourself in a constructive and healthy prespective!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sophiessong)

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/26/2009 5:09:02 PM

SensibleSam

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
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I was a Boy Scout. I know a lot of knots. I learned most of the fancy rope bondage techniques years ago. However tying a woman up doesn't do anything for me. I like to beat them.

I used to tie my long term subbie up all the time but then she mentioned that she didn't like it much. She liked cuffs. Cuffs it was from then on. IMHO a Dom should always try to please the subbie - with the correctype and amount of pain and suffering.

I like to bring pain to women under my control. I like it a lot. I mean I really, really like it a lot. But that doesn't mean I want to adminsiter maximum pain. Rather it means I want to administer optimum pain. If you are a normaly big and strong guy and have a typical bag of tricks (crops, tawses, canes and whips) you can deliver a whole lot of pain to any woman. Big deal. The trick is to beat her just enough to drive her mad with desire.

One of the reasons this calibration can be tricky is that the same woman may react differently at different times. A woman's response to pain in non-linear. Many subbie women go quickly into "sub-space". This state may be recognized by her speech slurring, her eyes getting dreamy (or actually rolling up in her head), and she becomes very compliant. In this state they are indifferent to pain. She will at such times accept long hard caning with no complaints at all.

I always try to send a subbie into "sub space" usually with repetitative caning and hypnotic speech. Some subbies however sink on command or with the first strike. OTHN some subbies avoid sub-space because they want to experience the pain. Tastes vary.

Most subbies in my experience crave some degree of pain. It is my job to figure out just how much. I know some Doms want to "push her limits". That's Ok I suppose if she is a newbie but experienced subs usually know their limits full well. Giving them more pain than they need seems just stupid to me.

Alas, so many Doms are in fact stupid.

(in reply to Aynne88)

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/26/2009 5:53:39 PM

Huntertn

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Joined: 10/7/2006
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giving pain can be good..However..its just as much fun to mix it up...and there are days where making them cum till they drop is soo much better...grinzzzs
but leaving them marked for past a couple of days..No...Not I! but thats just me..then again I want them to live long term too!!!

(in reply to Aynne88)

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/27/2009 3:57:52 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
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My Lord is a sadist and enjoys doing those things which I hate. This is not always pain, though it can be. He inflicts pain, but because he likes to, and I like it, not because he didn't write the rules.

If this isn't working for you, discussions and conversating might be in order. If that doesn't work, well, there's plenty of doms out there. Time to go fishing.

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--nobody's resident anything.

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/27/2009 5:00:14 AM

bamagirl4u

Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
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The two do not go hand in hand and that is NOT a rule. If he can not respect that you have limits--dump him. Find someone that enjoys what you do and understands it is a mutual and consenting relationship. You are a sub, but you still have a mouth to say no--use it! Good luck.

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~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

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RE: levels of pain in a D/s relationship - 1/27/2009 7:47:50 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sophiessong

Physical bondage is what brought me to this way of life. The mental aspect, guidance, and control are key elements; of much more import now.

I understand some of what the role pain plays in the relationship, as well as heightening sexual excitement. I even enjoy it, but then it seems too too too much. I have found, however, that in my narrow experience of a year or two, that the Dominants I have been with, even my last Master, are really much more into pain than I seem to be. When I asked Him about it, He said "I didn't make the rules. Pain is just a part of it all. Pain is pleasure, pleasure is pain."

I realize that it is part of being submissive; that some things I am not going to like. When he collared me, he marked me. I have been spanked so hard my ass was purple and black for a week. I am not whining; I just want some feedback please!

"Pain is pleasure, pleasure is pain."

That's right up there with other such nonsense as it's all about strap-ons and cross-dressing. The St. Andrews sensation hysteria does bewilder more than a few honest souls who enter "the lifestyle" seeking service on either side of the fence. In my experience, submission doesn't have to be accompanied by pain slut, nor dominance by sadist. D/s is about dominance and submission, not a pain/pleasure circus.

That your Master enjoys inflicting pain doesn't invalidate his dominance at all, but smuggling one's motives and actions through cryptic clichés is never good. Simply stating, "I am a sadist. Physical abuse is part of the deal when serving me; it's what I like, and that's that," is a little more direct.

(in reply to sophiessong)

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Post #: 28