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Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray into ... - 1/20/2009 11:55:42 AM   
donny123


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		I am a male 40 Caucasian newbie and have always fantasized about being dominated by a beautiful woman.
What I mean by fantasized, I guess I mean obsessed. It is in way to many of my thoughts over the past few years.

I am not looking for sex (just an orgasm when allowed). I am happily married, but I just need to find a way to feed this burning desire. I have no idea if the feeling will continue or not once I have acted on it.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

< Message edited by donny123 -- 1/20/2009 12:53:46 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Newbie looking for advise on first foray into domin... - 1/20/2009 11:59:44 AM   
GreenesGirl


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline 		Since you're married, and just looking for experience, the best advice I can give you is find a prodomme.   www.maxfisch.com is generally a good place to start looking for one local to you that can cater to what you want to do.

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Newbie looking for advise on first foray into domin... - 1/20/2009 12:05:59 PM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		Have you discussed this with your wife ?  If not, perhaps she'll surprise you with a willingness to play.  From a lot of what I've read here, many non-pro dommes would have little to gain from catering to the perversions of a married man, so either you own up to your wife, or you pay somebody.

(in reply to GreenesGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 2:13:20 PM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'd advise you to start off by talking to your wife and someone said.  She may be interested.  Start slow.  If you're happily married, she should be open to at least hear what you have to say.

Getting books for her to read are good.  Venus on Top is a good starting point.

Also, are you talking lifestyle or more sexual/physical domination?

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 2:21:16 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		Remember to think with your big head, not just the little one. (grin)

Take care of yourself on all levels, and be sensible about it. Talking a lot about what you want and need and boundaries and land mines of past experience is very important.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to MistressFaye1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 2:47:52 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Well since you've stated it's about you wanting your fetishes done and the woman who does it has to be pretty but ok with the fact that you're married you have a few choices...

1) Pay a pro female top for sessions.
2) Go behind your wife's back and find a woman.
3) Be open with your wife and whatever woman you find.


Honestly, choice one seems like the best option. Plenty of beautiful BDSM Barbies will do all of your fantasies for the right price and she probably won't tell your wife.

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 3:06:59 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Ask her to give you an order, because that'll turn you on.  See how she reacts.  What's to lose?

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 3:44:47 PM   
donny123


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for all of the advise.
Yes, I will talk to the wife. You are all right about that. Just need to figure out how to broach that subject.

The reason I was looking to try out being a sub and giving into a mistress totaly, is I am not sure what might happen the first time (lifestyle or one time) I might not like it (I doubt it). Wanted to see what happens before I tried to bring the wife into my fantasy (if that is all it is).

I was hoping to find someone experienced in this journey that would be willing to test the experience in return for (what I hope) would be fulfilling for them.

I might be of base and if I am, I am sorry and do not want offend anyone.
Just very curious and have kept this longing in for a very long time.

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 4:36:25 PM   
GreenesGirl


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: donny123

Thanks for all of the advise.
Yes, I will talk to the wife. You are all right about that. Just need to figure out how to broach that subject.

The reason I was looking to try out being a sub and giving into a mistress totaly, is I am not sure what might happen the first time (lifestyle or one time) I might not like it (I doubt it). Wanted to see what happens before I tried to bring the wife into my fantasy (if that is all it is).

I was hoping to find someone experienced in this journey that would be willing to test the experience in return for (what I hope) would be fulfilling for them.

I might be of base and if I am, I am sorry and do not want offend anyone.
Just very curious and have kept this longing in for a very long time.



What you have to understand is that there just aren't a lot of lifestyle Dommes that are interested in seeing married men behind the wife's back, whereas there is a very VERY long line of married men interested in finding a lifestyle Domme to see behind the wife's back.  Ask yourself - are you really so damn special that you stand head and shoulders above all these other guys who are chasing the same brass ring?

For a lifestyle Domme - you just showing up to get your kink on is so not enough.  Dominant women are not some sort of uncontrollable nyphomaniacs that will do any guy just because that guy expressed an interest in them.   They're damn picky, and rightly so.  You need to be prepared to court her, to put her needs and wants WAY above your own, to prove that you are reliable and can be trusted, to be there for her at HER convenience, not your own.  Be prepared to be there for all of the mundane things in life, not just the fun kinky moments.

A lifestyle domme isn't going to take kindly to being less important in your life than your wife is, than your job is, than your kids are, than taking the dog to the vet is, than taking out the garbage or running to the grocery store. 

What you're asking for - someone to let you have some of the kinky experiences that you've been fantasizing about for many years - is what a prodomme does.   Yes, you have to pay then for their time, the use of their equipment, their expertise.    In return, you get the experience that you've been craving.




(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 5:21:55 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I recommend that you try to interest your wife in this life.  You might be surprised at the results if you give it an honest try.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to GreenesGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/20/2009 8:45:36 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: donny123

I am a male 40 Caucasian newbie and have always fantasized about being dominated by a beautiful woman.


Personal tirade here. This isn't going to be pretty. Read at your own risk. And before anyone even says it, yes I know the following might not even apply to the OP and yes I know that porn is to blame. I've just seen this one too many times and boiling-over cannot be stopped at this point.
--------

I cannot count the number of times I've read this line. Over and over and over and over and ...you get the point right? Is someone out there manufacturing men who fantasize, i.e. obsess, over being dominated by a "beautiful woman." Is someone feeding you this line? Are you in fact the same man who's been emailing me for the past 4 years on this site, under a different name each week?

Will you guys please get the fuck over your own fantasies of being dominated by anything with a vagina that you find aesthetically pleasing? If you actually wanted to be "dominated" it wouldn't matter what type of underwear or heels or corset she's wearing. It would matter the quality of her character and her integrity, her ethics, and her beliefs, her values, and what makes her happy...and what you have in common.

Oh? Those things not so important? Right. That's because you don't want to be "dominated" - you want someone to give you a little spanky-spank while telling you you're a bad, bad boy and then forcing you to service her orally while you wear furry handcuffs and she swats you with a riding crop.

As others have said, get a pro...women like me are tired of it.

My one piece of advice for you is, if you're actually serious, drop this line from your vocabulary and never use it again.



_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 7:22:38 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		sweetie, you're married--you need to face that fact--just because you have professed to be a submissive does not mean Dominas put on blinders and will swoon to the new meat---you have an attachment--called a wife--most Domina's don't want to get involved with that kind of a relationship---NOW there are some very successful ones here in which a different married partner is aware--note the AWARE word--that means openness, honesty and trust--c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n. And I can assure you those are really rare--so you have two choices: Pro or buy your wife a riding crop and ask her to apply it to your butt. So stop whining, it is what it is.
 
Investment in the riding crop:  $12.99
 
Investment in openness:             Priceless

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 8:22:14 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Married male submissive here.  My advice is to not go behind your wife's back to do this - even to a pro.  The harm you will cause is just too great - to her, and to your integrity and the total basis of trust in your relationship.  Tell her what you want, and see if it is something you can both explore -together-.  

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 8:47:00 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Talk to your wife first. If you want some book or video suggestions to help you approach the subject, I'm sure several of us can help.

I recommend (if you can still find it) this great video which is really about this subject for about the first third or so of the video. It is called "Whipsmart" and is from Good Vibrations.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 9:07:49 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		DominaSmartass is my new best friend.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 10:56:52 AM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

DominaSmartass is my new best friend.


Mine too. 

Seriously... I've spent the past few weeks talking to someone.  he said all the right things initially,  wrote great responses to my "non-kink" questions and the possibilites were looking great.  It has become suddenly apparent, by the continued talk of "kink" and debating the issue of  "if a Domme, uses Her submissive(s) to have her kinky needs met, she is in turn catering to the subs needs".  Kink, kink, kink has become the topic of that day.

What does this have to do with the thread?  You guessed it, married man.  He went from we're divorcing, to staying for the youngest daughter's sake, and finally to "we're in a reconciliation now." All that in the span of a week (the last sentence).

This is why I ask tons of questions, state with clarity what I am not interested in talking about up front.  It only takes a short period of time to see through the BS and figure out---married man, here to get his fantasy kicks off.

Be honest with yourself OP as it's been suggested here.

< Message edited by MistressFaye1 -- 1/21/2009 10:58:48 AM >

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 2:07:39 PM   
donny123


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		Folks
Thank you all for your input.
I have always been afraid of losing the trust and doing anything behind my wife's back and you have all reiterated that with me.
Thank you all for being brutally honest with your opinions especially DominaSmartass (you did worn me before I read)

You have all made me think about what I want and what I should do.

Peace!

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Newbie Male Sub looking for advise on first foray i... - 1/21/2009 7:34:53 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		Wow... did I actually do something good for a change? Mod. 11 has been after me recently so I was sure that post would be erased before anyone saw it.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to donny123)
Profile   Post #: 18
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