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StrangerThan -> RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM relationship? (1/23/2009 4:29:00 AM)
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The greatest love story I ever witnessed was not one invented by Hollywood, nor one that spilled out from the pages of some book. I used to coach basketball for my local elementary school. It wasn't my job, just something I got drafted into one year and kept doing for a while. One set of parents were... typical young parents I guess, mid 20's. She had that tired, pretty look about her of a mom that had too much to do. He had that tired, I work a lot look about him. Pretty obvious though they cared alot about each other.
I got to know the families well since I usually had their youngsters for 3 years. We all lived basketball. My running comment with the team was that basketball was the only sport. Everything else was just something to do in the off season. Off seasons... the mom above was hit head-on in a car crash. The car burst into flames. She was burned horribly. When I say horribly, I mean horribly. She was completely unrecognizable, burned top to bottom. There was no visible area left that wasn't scar tissue. Much of her face had to be rebuilt.. and it was in the functional sense, not the elective, I want to look better sense. Sort of a tabula rasa for the surgeons, you know, put a nose on that blank face, lips, etc.
That's not the love story. The love story is what happened after it. You can look inside relationships sometimes just by how the people involved treat each other. How he treated her was the same as I'd always seen him treat her... like she was his princess. What you can't see when you look at things that way is how hard it must have been to convince her to go back to a normal life.... meaning let's go to the park, come to the store with me, walk with me, hold my hand, let's have a baby kind of life. I saw them years later with more additions to the family and the same sense of she's my princess that had always been.
So my perspective on this kind of question is simple. Marriages end all the time for one reason or another. People rationalize the reasons away, forget their own complicity and duplicity in what evolved, and generally find ways to come to terms with whatever the reason or reasons it ended. But there is more to life than sex, than Dominating or submitting, than having your own needs met and I personally, would not want to be involved with anyone who would end a relationship on the single issue you asked about - because I wouldn't. Then again, I don't play casually and I want more out of my relationship than someone who will do what I tell them to do.
Right? Wrong? There are only two people to whom that question will ever really matter and that's the two people who go separate ways. From my personal perspective, the answer is no. If my girl could not engage in anything even remotely related to kink, could not have sex, there would be no ending of anything for those reasons.
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