Public vs. Private Play

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Public vs. Private Play

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Public vs. Private Play

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Public vs. Private Play - 1/22/2009 7:51:30 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Ladies and those that serve them...

I have now experienced public play twice and have noted and discussed with my Lady very discernible differences in the atmosphere and feeling/connection/intimacy of our public play vs. our private play. For one...having the blindfold removed and blinking through tears at 30 people who were not in the room when you started...oh...and being butt naked to boot!

I have also had the opportunity to observe others play and noted the differences in how they play vs. how my Lady and I play. It is all very interesting. Some play I have observed contains elements of the spirituality and sacredness that I experience and identify with...some very distinctly not spiritual or sacred feeling at all.

So I would like to ask your thoughts on public play vs. private play, and if/how being a Dominant woman with a male submissive affects your play, if at all, in public vs. private. What is the energy or environment or physical difference? Is there one? What do you like about public play, and what do you not like?

And for the boys...I was very nervous about being a submissive male in a club experiencing public play. Wondering about your experiences and how you perceive your place as a male submissive in a public BDSM environment like a club or a munch. How is public play vs. private play for you? For myself, once I figured out that "male submissive" had a place and that no one was surprised to see me wearing a collar and cuffs, being naked...or even crying...it became much easier to just be...a male submissive...a bit like the tethered hawk looking back at the curious crowd.

So a bit of a ramble...but hopefully an interesting and inspiring topic. Go on then...have a go.

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 1/22/2009 7:54:11 PM >

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

Post #: 1

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/22/2009 8:00:10 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

All I do is public play mainly because I don't live alone. I've done some in private and there is a big difference. Since I'm just starting out, private seems to have a bit more stress involved. You're alone with someone and expected to know what to do. In public, even if you're not sure you can feed off the energy of other people. I'm a shy person but I cannot deny that the public setting gives me energy to break out of the shell a little bit. But then again, it depends on who is around. If friends are there or friendly people, it's easier. But having random watchers just stare at you like you're in a porno freaks me out a little bit and make it easy to lose the mood or zone.

So in the end, I've found it's not exactly the PLACE but the PEOPLE involved. Great people can make a shitty place amazing. Shitty people can make a great place hell. I do hope to find more amazing people and be able to enjoy play in public or private with ease.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 2

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/22/2009 11:53:22 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

I used to be very shy... Didn't undress in front of my siblings kind of shy. I am much less so now, but still am more of a voyeur as public play goes than a participant. I haven't, and don't see myself doing it. Having said that, if I were at a particular kool party, and felt comfortable with most of the people around, I might participate, but that is a long shot. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 3

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 12:58:33 AM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I've done and continue to do both. Particularly when I was beginning my specifically dominant scenes, I found three things helpful with public play.
1, the venues where I play--in addition to play stations--have a certain number of loan-able toys: paddles, straps, floggers, etc. Very useful when my toy bag had only a few pervertables (a solid walnut hair brush, a big rattan rice paddle, a cheap selection of wooden spoons, and the odd texture toy) in addition to my one lone flogger and a riding crop.
2, when meeting a play partner for the first ever scene between us, knowing few people personally gave me a sense of security if emotions or physical reactions got out of hand. Not to mention back-up for simple emergencies.
3, in the safety first category, I need not have an unknown person, or barely known, at my home address. There's a reason why my scene cards have my scene name, a PO Box, my scene email, and only a cell phone number on them.

Private play is for more intimate scenes, those where I want complete freedom to enjoy myself…and to make mistakes if that should occur. When trying out experiments, I'd rather leave the clutzy moments to a private playroom where I can laugh and correct it.

Lady Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)

Post #: 4

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 2:29:36 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

There are good aspects to both public and private play. As others have mentioned, the energy of others is always there to draw from. Being in a public play environment for Me has a similar effect to the way porn has on some people's sex drive. It gets My blood going. It turns Me on in a play sense and revs Me up a bit. Puts ideas in My head and makes Me anxious for My scene with the bottom. I play quite a bit in public with My sub and with others as well, so it isn't a male or female bottom thing. Of course, public venues have equipment that I don't have at home, the social aspect, and the other advantages of being around other people.

On the private side, in clip's case, there are certain things I can do in private that I can't do in public. Depending on where I am determines if I can get over on things like blood or other fluid exchange. There also aren't the time restraints that can be had with public play. If I want a scene to last two or three hours, nobody else is waiting for equipment. After care can be a bit more intimate.

I enjoy and appreciate the advantages of both. Usually, as long as I'm playing, I'm happy.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DelilahDeb)

Post #: 5

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 7:33:51 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

I have to say, I'm not a big fan of public play. I do it when I have to, but it's never as good as playing in private.

Too many eyes on me: I prefer to be a low-key pervert at events.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 8:53:26 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Public play has a tremendous number of advantages, not least being the access to excellent equipment and the ability to make as much noise as we want. The Mark in Nashville is one of the friendliest, cleanest and best equipped public spaces I have ever seen, and when I took the boykin, we played nearly continuously for three hours--including shackled bondage and beatings that I simply cannot administer at home, because I do not have ceiling beams and a pedestal which could hold him so well shackled, or a swinging table, a pre-built medical office, or even a nice solid well-padded sawhorse spanking bench, etc..

Play at home or in a private motel room is very different; it includes full nudity and sex, for one thing, and much more intimate forms of torment which I would never do in public. *shrug* Since I am not able to maintain a full-scale dungeon with sound-proofing in an industrial part of town, it's nice to get out and cut loose once in a while.

P.S. I will also ditto those who say that it is fun and instructive to watch others play, and it's good to meet people. I've even had very profound revelations from watching a scene that was public.

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 1/23/2009 8:55:42 AM >

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 7

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 9:07:18 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

P.S. I will also ditto those who say that it is fun and instructive to watch others play, and it's good to meet people. I've even had very profound revelations from watching a scene that was public.

Ditto. I remember watching two good friends at Paddles play. The boy's Domme had him on a St. Andrew's cross and applied medical staples up and down his back. It was one of the most intense and intimate sexual acts I've ever witnessed. Almost shamanic in nature. Never would have experienced that without participating at public play spaces.

As for the private home dungeon? Fingers crossed, Mistress *le wistful sigh*

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 8

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 9:12:38 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for the interesting replies thus far!

One thing I found interesting about public play was that "the bubble" still descended.

What I mean is that when my Lady and I play, it is like we are in an isolation bubble where everything in the world falls away and it is just us. Even in a room full of people while I was one of the flogging bunnies for the demonstration, this happened for me. My Lady said it did not for her, and we retired up to a Femdom only room where it was more intimate. As I said earlier, it was a bit jarring for me to come out of that after our play to find the room had about 30 more people in it than when the blindfold went on and I had that "tethered hawk" experience.

I really enjoy the energy of the public club we play in and the opportunity for socializing it presents. For me, socializing before play is probably better, as both times afterward, I was really spent and introspective and talking to people and stringing thoughts was hard.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 9

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 10:31:34 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Hello A/all,

I have a question about all of this. By public play, are you refering to a scene at the corner of First and Main; or, are you refering to play at parties and/or other "community" gatherings?

Most of my experience has been "private." By this I mean one on one behind closed doors. Recently, I have been exposed to what I call "party play" where people are strangers but into the scene. The idea of play out in front of the "public" is downright mortifying!

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 10

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 11:56:58 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, generally "public play" refers to gatherings specifically about BDSM. Clubs, parties, conventions and what-not.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 11

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 12:07:28 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Some people could be, yes. There are people who engage in kinky play and sexual play and stuff out in public, in plain site of everyone. Sometimes it's mild and sometimes it's not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

Hello A/all,

I have a question about all of this. By public play, are you refering to a scene at the corner of First and Main; or, are you refering to play at parties and/or other "community" gatherings?

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 12

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 2:34:59 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

I love both public and private play, but for different reasons. As previously mentioned, I love the energy that can sometimes be found at the clubs. While I do go into a 'bubble' with my boy, on a certain level I am still aware of the 'rules' and etiquette of club play. This awareness also lets me feed off the energy of the other members at adjacent stations. I also like what the atmosphere does to my partner's energy, and how he'll focus in on Me more, in order to lose the presence/distraction of others.

Private play gives Me the latitude to play for hours. I'm fortunate to have a St Andrew's cross and other fun equipment in my home, with little concern for excessive noise. Private play is much more sexually intimate, and as a Dominant, I tend to get more loud and demanding in private.

As for watching public play, I've learned a ton both about what I want to create and what I want to avoid. I don't have as much experience running public scenes, and so sometimes it takes me a few minutes to find a rhythm. I like to have a 'game plan' whether public or private, but I find it less stressful to improvise at home without others watching.

I am looking forward to networking with the other FemDommes in my area, as learning new techniques and devious ways of torture rank among my favorite activities. :)

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 13

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 5:05:36 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

SnowRanger: For my post, I was referring to a BDSM club in Denver, yes.

It is interesting to watch others play. As I said before, I found that some were very intense and spiritual feeling in their play, others like a kitten with a small mouse (would not have wanted to be that guy let me tell you). But it was all educational for me as I am very new to all this.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 14

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 5:08:41 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I can relate to most of what people have said here about public play.
The energy, vibe, being around nice people and the exhibitionists that put on some great scenes. I can also relate to the 'bubble'.
I also love people watching and experiencing things that give me new ideas.
I once saw a Mistress in a club flogging seven bells of hell out of a guy. I swear her eyes changed color as she was doing this. I was so engrossed in her that I asked a friend to introduce me. We have gone on to be best scene friends and travel buddies and we have done lots of double domming together since that night. BDSM clubs are great places to both scene, socialize and make new friends.

Private play is much more intimate, usually lasts much longer and I tend to do things that don't have the same restrictions as the UK clubs do.

Maria

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 1/23/2009 5:10:35 PM >

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 15

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 5:13:34 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Public play for Me encompasses anything in which other people are in attendance and have the ability to watch the scene. This goes for anything from major clubs to local get togethers.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 16

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 7:29:55 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

I do not do public play as I am a very private person and very shy around people

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 17

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 7:42:18 PM

DominaSusan

Posts: 75
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I have to admit that I am addicted to public play and will seek out new places whenever I travel. There is a certain kind of power exchange that goes on in a group dynamic that is singular to public play. Just by having observers to my scene can create new energy and that is totally exciting. Somehow these strangers and friends become a kinetic part of me and my scene and it is easier to create a unique bubble for both me and my sub. I’m thrilled to hear that others get a similar bubble with their public play. I cannot easily create this bubble effect in my private scenes. That said, there are many factors that can enhance or detract from my scene, including music or vanilla conversations just a few feet from me. Even if another person is close by and playing but not creating a good vibe this can also be a letdown. I’ve been to many different types of public play spaces and I agree it more about getting a great group of people together then the best equipment or largest dungeon. If the group dynamic is right-the scenes are out of this world.

However, there are a few things that only happen in private for me-all of which are intimate. I just consider my own nakedness a private thing-but I have no problems with your completely naked and vulnerable selves. Speaking of which, it is Friday night and time for some well deserve playtime.
PS-I can’t wait until the next time I’m in Nashville

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 8:05:02 PM

UPSG

Posts: 331
Joined: 1/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

So I would like to ask your thoughts on public play vs. private play, and if/how being a Dominant woman with a male submissive affects your play, if at all, in public vs. private. What is the energy or environment or physical difference? Is there one? What do you like about public play, and what do you not like?

And for the boys...I was very nervous about being a submissive male in a club experiencing public play. Wondering about your experiences and how you perceive your place as a male submissive in a public BDSM environment like a club or a munch. How is public play vs. private play for you? For myself, once I figured out that "male submissive" had a place and that no one was surprised to see me wearing a collar and cuffs, being naked...or even crying...it became much easier to just be...a male submissive...a bit like the tethered hawk looking back at the curious crowd.

So, would you say, your Mistress exposing you (naked or otherwise) to the public, ultimately had the affect of putting you at ease and conditioning you into your "place"?

In respects to the public setting, I'm happy you made sure to mention you were collared, cuffed, naked, and crying. You didn't, however, mention where your Mistress boot of heels were in all of this?

I've never been in "The lifestyle" per se. I admit that and want to be clear to put that out front. However, and maybe it's just my lack of understanding or me just being to caught up in my own fetish fantasies, but I don't quite *get* this idea of "play"? And I'm not directing that at you specifically, in fact I appreciate you creating this thread. I honestly don't get this idea of realness being separate from play. I mean I understand it goes on, but it seems more akin to adults playing "Cowboys and Indians."

I understand peopler have lives and responsibilities. Especially if they are ust getting into this kind of thing. But I guess in my mind my question is shouldn't - assuming one is free to do so (no kids etc) - seek to commit to one particuar assumed identity?

I think most men, most Alpha males that is, or most your "Average Joe's," do give due respect to women dominants who privately and publicaly controll their men, dominate and drive them on all fours across floors. I say that to say this, those same men honoring that woman's strenght and proven conquring over a man (like conquering the Himalayas), seem from my limited experience, not prone to beat the shit out of the male sub being driven and controlled by their dominat woman. The woman in fact essentially becomes not just the buffer between them but the protector of the submissive male. It as if those guys would see it as a "disrespect" against the "streets" and the "game" to lay harming hands on that woman's earned property.

I say this as someone who has once crawled on all fours across the floor for a woman who orderec me to do so in a house full of people (some gangsters). I was mocked by one man barking at me like a dog. I was, however, under the protection apparently, of the woman commanding me, proud as she was of her power over me. It was one of the most humiliating experiences I ever had.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 19

RE: Public vs. Private Play - 1/23/2009 8:55:46 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

My Lady was there with me the whole time.

I should also add that my tears were not from pain, but of raw emotion. Dunno why but flogging is very emotional for me and the tears just flow unbidden.

Not sure I understood your question about "Play" and the use of that term. Play is typically when a dominant and a submissive or slave have a period of time where they interact within the dynamic - it can be bondage, sensation, service - a bunch of things would qualify as "play" and I assure you it can be quite real. So not sure if it was just the term you were questioning, or if there was something else?

"Submissive Male" for me...was a term that I took a while coming to terms with and getting comfortable in my skin being. Being a submissive male in private with an intimate dominant partner is one thing...taking it out to a local club was for me something altogether different, and yes, I did have to settle in to that environment and see that in these BDSM focused environs, there is a place for being a sub male. It is not bad, no one looked at me as if I had grown a second head, but it really helped me to see that and experience it to be comfortable in the space.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to UPSG)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Public vs. Private Play

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094