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mistoferin -> RE: punishments for my submissive (1/10/2006 7:14:15 AM)
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quote:
i didnt quite like being quoted to why i was asking i thought it was all about trying to help people????
I have gone back through this thread a few times now and quite honestly I can not find where anyone has asked why you were asking. I am fairly certain that the references were made at least in part to my post...and most likely to tammyjo's...so please allow me to explain.
I will not profess to read tammyjo's mind but when I read her post I assumed that what she was meaning when she asked you to define what you meant by punishment....is that there are many different ways to view that and she wanted to be clear before she gave you an answer that didn't match your meaning.
As for myself, I did not ask you why you were asking....reading your profile told me that you are indeed very new to this and thus the need for questions is completely understandable. What I did ask you is if the question you were asking was going to solve your dilemma....or if maybe there was a larger question at the core of your issue.
Quite honestly, if you stick around these boards for awhile you will see this same question asked over and over. When a dominant comes on here asking for punishment ideas, it generally says to me that there are other issues causing the behavior or need for punishment. A D/s or M/s relationship is not about constant testing, misbehavior and punishment. If this is a situation that is ongoing, it is generally best to look at the cause instead of putting a band-aid(punishment) on the problem.
There are also those who ask this question because they have mistakenly gotten information somewhere that the "Discipline" part of BDSM = punishment. Discipline and punishment are two very different things.
Then there are those who ask because they are looking for kinky or not so kinky ways to express their dominance in their relationship. Again, I don't see that as a healthy way to conduct a relationship because what that really amounts to is game playing.
All the way at the end of the spectrum there are also those who ask questions like this because what they are really looking for are cruel and unique ways to inflict pain or humiliation.....and yes I do know that is not what you were asking.
Now I am NOT saying that you fit into any of these categories....what I am saying is that, at least for myself, there is a reluctance to give this type of information without understanding the perspective of the person seeking it.
What I can tell you is that in my own life, there is generally not a need for punishment. I have been doing this for some time now and instances of punishment have been extremely rare. I am a great big grown up woman and have no need to be punished as if I were a child. If I have done something wrong I am most likely aware that I have. If I am not it only needs to be brought to my attention. At any rate, I am certainly accountable for my actions and most instances require no more than conversation to get me to understand the misbehavior and change it in a manner so that it does not occur again. I do not try to go out of my way to displease the person who I long to be pleasing to.
While you may not have agreed with or appreciated being questioned....it really was done so to ascertain more information so that the correct responses could be given. When you seek advice on a public message board....you will get a variety of opinions and answers. Some you will agree with....some you will not. But for the most part, I think that people here answer from a perspective of actually trying to help....even if
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