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Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/23/2009 6:26:53 AM   
TwistedAffection


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline 		How do you know which you are. I mean the only experience I have is biting, scratching, and some spanking. Have been on both ends of all, and like both ends of all. I do have a submissive nature about me. Is it possible I  could be both, I mean I know this is a tough question, but because I'm new, I'm not trying to act like I know everything. I know I know very little, maybe talking with others I can learn a bit more. What defines us, when we are all equal with simply different roles?
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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/23/2009 6:36:06 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		We define ourselves - all things being equal or otherwise - and if someone doesn't like our definition of ourselves, tough shit for them.

From the description you give of your preferences so far - I'd say switch with submissive leanings.
 
Part of the problem lies in the fact that these days -  you have to wonder whether someone is speaking strictly in the SM sense (as I am when I say "switch" regarding myself) or in the ds sense (which most people are in reference to themselves.)  If I were still inclined to do power exchange, I'd very much be a dominant person - I don't have a submissive bone in my body, though gods know I tried for years to believe that I did.  Just keep in mind that masochist/sadist is a Physical preference - dominant/submissive is a personality type or how we react to a given situation.  The two portions have endless permutations - none of them is "more correct" than the rest, though some of them are "more common" than the rest.

edited to add : I have felt for a long time that the terms "dominant" and "submissive" are misleading - it's closer to "leader by preference" or "follower by preference"

< Message edited by hizgeorgiapeach -- 1/23/2009 6:38:21 AM >

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/23/2009 6:55:15 AM   
TwistedAffection


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline 		I will agree that it is personal preference, and that we are all our own, it is what's unique about each of us. I hate those who use this lifestyle to degrade one, because that not what it's about. I have read about some really sad things that have happened. I would hate to find myself in a situation in which would was going to be detramental to my health or someone else. I mean I'll try anything once, and we all have limits, but when those limits are crossed then it is no longer an act indulgence, yet an act of ignorance. Thankyou

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/23/2009 7:05:03 AM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline 		Very good question, and I'm curious as to some of the responses.


(in reply to TwistedAffection)
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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/23/2009 5:23:54 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Many of the acts done in BDSM could be done either by the top or bottom.  You mention biting and scratching - you could be a sub with a top that enjoys having that done and they may either command it or allow it. 

It isn't the act itself that makes you dominant or submissive, but more a sense of whether you would prefer to be in charge or follow someone else's instructions.  I find that I am happiest when following someone else's lead but still have times when I very much enjoy playing the Domme and teaching someone about various BDSM methods.  My Master encourages this in me so I get the best of both worlds.  I consider myself a true switch because I crave both sides of the coin - just not with the same person.  Only you can answer what makes you the happiest, and it will take real life experiences to help you to be sure.


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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/23/2009 9:02:33 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I suppose I would chalk up selection of a term to self-knowledge; I spend a lot of time rattling around in my own skull and I believe myself capable of rather unfettered personal honesty so I simply explored my conceptions and perceptions of things.  In myself as a whole, do things still pop up occasionally that surprise me in terms of intensity of interest?  Sure.  But, that gives me the opportunity for greater contemplation and integration into a whole that I believe I largely understand. 
Best wishes,
  Davan

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May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/25/2009 8:15:43 AM   
TwistedAffection


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline 		Well thankyou, so now I definately have good comprehension that is ones choice, to which defines them. Mind you I knew this before, but figured I would ask and see what other people thought. From what I've read, this is the analysis. See I think we all go through the ratling in our head, most of thoughts, in which we don't put into words, so we don't seem foreign to all around us. Some of us start at a very young age. Like me, I can rememeber as far back as 4 or 5 drink piss from my best girl friend back in the day. We did a bunch of strange things back then, and I have always been the kind of person to be playful and whatnot. Which is something that turn those off who find it offensive. So I kind of laid back on it, and now that I am old, I definately want to explore, and learn. Along with that want to learn of how one gets things into their realm of thoughts. Is this lifestyle, something we are indeed born with or something that grows on us.

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 1/31/2009 10:07:44 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		Do you seek Power Exchange, or do you seek to give and receive sensation?

Dom Sub Master Slave are Power Exchange terms.

Switch may or may not be a Power Exchange term.

Switch, however, does employ the conjuction "and".

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/1/2009 10:32:58 AM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline 		Actually I find myself in the "none of the above" category.  I am not interested in a power exchange, I'm not submissive, definitely not a slave or dominant.  I detest the slashy speak, would giggle if ever told to call someone master.

I like sadomasochist.  I enjoy dishing out pain on occasion as well as receiving it.  I had switch at first on my profile, until I got one too many "goddess, may I worship and serve you" emails.   I guess, I'm just me.

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/1/2009 5:40:18 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		You like sadomasochism.  You are a sadomasochist.  Someone that likes to give pain is a sadist.  To receive is a masochist.  To do both is sadomasochist.

Or, as one of my friends likes to describe himself - "just plain greedy."

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/2/2009 11:21:49 AM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		You maybe just kinky. You can have kink and not be dominant or submissive. You might have some dom or sub inside you but not want to be all dom or sub. Just do the kinks you enjoy and not worry about which you are.

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/2/2009 1:54:06 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		You asked if "this lifestyle is something that we are born with or that grows on us". 
This is a part of the age-old nature vs nurture debate that generally ends in 'both'.  I think that folks have natural inclinations that are often shaped by experiences. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Nikitaa)
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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/3/2009 5:39:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Why did you try spanking someone else? It must have had some appeal or you wouldn't have done that. Same for being spanked. Both sides appealed to you even before you did it. For me, that innate appeal says that you are a switch.

Someone who has no interest in being spanked would classify themselves as dominant.

Someone with zero interest in spanking others would classify themselves as submissive.

Now, it is true that there is a difference between a top and a dom/me or a bottom and a sub but cme doesn't have top/bottom as labels you can use.

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/3/2009 11:36:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

What defines us, when we are all equal with simply different roles?


individuals define themselves...just like no two individuals are the same, even if they are twins, no two submissives or dominants or switches have the exact same experience with it.
 
there are folks who have dominant natures that choose to submit within the context of a relationship.
there are folks with submissive natures who dominate their partner.
there are folks who enjoy both dominance and submission, depending on who they are with or how they are feeling at the time.
there are folks who don't identify with a submissive or dominant nature that choose one or the other as a bedroom activity only.
there are folks who are dominant or submissive who aren't interested in spanking or being spanked.
 
...and every other combination you can conceive.
 
experiment!!!
have FUN!!!
 
...and identify as a purple spotted goat if it turns you on!

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RE: Switch, Submissive, or Dominant - 2/14/2009 10:41:37 PM   
Andrada546


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		let's see if my question fits here:

i come from a country that is new into bdsm. so, it's hard for me to have a definite answer from persons i know in the bdsm comunity there.

i am a domina into the D/s relationships. i like control, i like to train my partner. when we get to practising bdsm, after awhile i want to switch. i am a masochist and a sadist. i start as a sadist , but i like to be bottom too after awhile and not very often. i practice also humiliation, but i dont switch on that. i dont like my partner to love to hit me. not at all, if the pleasure is all mine is better. i just ask them to accept my masochistic side. the problem is that after worshiping me as a domina, they find it hard to hit me.

i define myself as a domina, but after i talk with my possible submissive partner  for some time, i tell him that i am a masochist as well ( i have to tell him that because it a must for me). if they accept me as i am, we move further, if not, that is the end.

so, am i still a domina, or a switch more dominant?

< Message edited by Andrada546 -- 2/14/2009 10:43:18 PM >

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