Carnae7
Posts: 72
Joined: 11/29/2008
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A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve got some bad news. You have inoperable cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.” The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
”Well Daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. Let’s head to the club and have a martini.”
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to the impending end. “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.” The woman said, “I know. But I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.”
Now that’s Putting Your Affairs In Order...
Larry's Room 233
Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been?' Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.' 'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?' 'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly. 'What the hell were you thinking?' she said, shaking her head in disgust. Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'
‘Well firstly, I like to watch my money grow. Secondly, once in a while I like to play with my money. Thirdly, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'
Larry is recovering in Room 233 at the local hospital.
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How far is Heaven? Only as far away as my Master.
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Putting Your Affairs In Order - 
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