RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

cloudboy -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 2:24:08 PM)


Yes, its your imagination.



Underumam -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 2:32:31 PM)

I can also point out that many of the little details some of the Dommes here point out when searching for a sub, are just simple common sense things that any true gentleman would automatically do for Her.(open doors, pitch in with whatever needs to be done etc.) Some of these type things are not/shouldn't be just reserved for this lifestyle.  When you really love someone, why wouldn't you do whatever you could for the other?



ShaktiSama -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 2:52:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

I can also point out that many of the little details some of the Dommes here point out when searching for a sub, are just simple common sense things that any true gentleman would automatically do for Her.(open doors, pitch in with whatever needs to be done etc.) Some of these type things are not/shouldn't be just reserved for this lifestyle.  When you really love someone, why wouldn't you do whatever you could for the other?


Why wouldn't we do whatever we could for our fellow human beings in general? [;)]

As to gallantry--women traded it away when they put the axe to condescension, and the idea that women were less competent and capable than men. Very few men aspire to be a "true gentleman" nowadays, and very few women can afford to wait to meet one...

There are some women here who demand a great deal of gallantry from their submissives, and I've noticed that they sometimes incur resentment and derision from others. Their detractors will cheerfully tell you that they make their subs crawl around naked on the floor picking up marbles by mouth or clean the house with the handle of a feather duster stuck in the bum--but suddenly they get very superior and snarky if a woman says that she makes her submissive open the door for her, or pull out her chair at a restaurant.

Apparently, making your sub a ridiculous spectacle in private is acceptable: making him a gentleman in public is not. *shrug*



Underumam -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 3:38:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama


quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

I can also point out that many of the little details some of the Dommes here point out when searching for a sub, are just simple common sense things that any true gentleman would automatically do for Her.(open doors, pitch in with whatever needs to be done etc.) Some of these type things are not/shouldn't be just reserved for this lifestyle.  When you really love someone, why wouldn't you do whatever you could for the other?


Why wouldn't we do whatever we could for our fellow human beings in general? [;)]

As to gallantry--women traded it away when they put the axe to condescension, and the idea that women were less competent and capable than men. Very few men aspire to be a "true gentleman" nowadays, and very few women can afford to wait to meet one...

There are some women here who demand a great deal of gallantry from their submissives, and I've noticed that they sometimes incur resentment and derision from others. Their detractors will cheerfully tell you that they make their subs crawl around naked on the floor picking up marbles by mouth or clean the house with the handle of a feather duster stuck in the bum--but suddenly they get very superior and snarky if a woman says that she makes her submissive open the door for her, or pull out her chair at a restaurant.

Apparently, making your sub a ridiculous spectacle in private is acceptable: making him a gentleman in public is not. *shrug*


Those are just things that should come naturally. And it's not just for someone that I love. I feel better when I can open a door for anyone. It's just the right way of being.  (except for the feather-duster up the arse bit) lol. Although, I must confess to having a "pony tail" there a few times.  :)



Steponme73 -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 4:13:47 PM)

I think for the most part what you say is true.  But I don't think it is limited to just this lifestyle or this board.  People in general are more hateful, less thoughtful, show less intergrity, and less respect for others. 
This may not be the time or place, but a prime example was George Bush at the end of his term.  He was our president, and the position deserves respect.  After all we put him there.  Whether you like him or not you still should respect him. 
But it is not just him.  Ask any of the women on this board about the nutty emails they get from men...then if the men don't get the response they like...they respond with really stupid and disrespectful emails. 
Or look at the morons on walls street ripping the public off, or the money managers who have done the same.  It is just nuts!
People as a whole are a lot more self-serving, disrespectful and have less intergrity than in the past.
Just my 2 cents worth.



LaTigresse -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 6:18:45 PM)

Actually, I do not believe that because one individual was able to fool a large number of people and get placed in a position of power, means they deserve my respect.

They get respect by using that power in a way that earns my respect.

It does not mean that if I were to meet the person they would not get my courtesy. They would, unless they behaved in a manner that earned them otherwise.

Similarly, just because millions of people think the pope is something special, does not mean that he is to me. To me he is simply another man. A strange one at that.



EvilKitty -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 8:55:34 PM)

I must agree with your observations, underumam. I was lucky enough to have been raised by 2 amazing people who believed in personal responsibility. Last Thanksgiving was spent in Atlanta, GA with my 4 siblings & our 5 spouses & my 7 nieces & nephews (ages 4-12). It rained for 3 days straight & we spent everyday at one or the other sibs' house. All 17 people together & stuck inside a house for 3 days......
For all 3 days, I saw children helping one another, asking each other which channel they'd like to watch or which movie they should watch next. They played together with laughter & good sportsmanship. They would come to a grownup if they thought another child needed something. I never heard one cross word or angry, raised voice from any of these kids for 3 days. The grownups were the same way...we all got along with each other, reminisced with laughter about our late parents. All the couples had a great time, not one argument or one angry word.
I am SO proud of my siblings & so proud of the way they're raising new people into adulthood. We all 5 of us still feel that we should make our parents proud & I like to think that wherever they are now, they ARE proud. I hope so.
Yes, I know just how lucky I am & I am thankful every day of my life. If there are still folks in the country raising children well, there is still hope.



UPSG -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/24/2009 11:12:40 PM)

Somethings have gotten worse - depending on location and what time period it is contrasted to - but somethings have gotten better too. The old mining towns, like Butte, Montana were ruled by mob law, enforced by mob lynchings, gambling, every vice, and corruption were present. Contemporary New York City is better today than it was in the 1980's (if you go by homicide rates and level of decrepit property) and it is certainly better than it was in the mid 1800's and later 1800's were little pre-pubescent, White, immigrant boys would be dressed up and pimped out on the streets by adult men. The adult pimps and "tricks" not incurring  the wrath of "proper" society or law enforcement, but rather the little boys pimped out as girls. You would likely not have found a wealthy woman or cop of the time that would have cared (other than to make jokes) about the little kid who once presided in the beaten, raped, and swollen corps laying in some dirty New York city apocolyptic alley way.





Underumam -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 12:49:31 AM)

Swollen corps.......That's gonna ring a bell for a lotta people real soon I'm afraid....



GoddessTeaze -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 2:52:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
. This is just something that's been on my mind ever since my 14 year old daughter was born and I started contemplating what kind of world my generation was leaving for hers. It's been downright scary sometimes..

Hello Underumam,
Good question you asked, and I would like to add that this isn't a topic just for in the Usa, but for all over the world.

I'm a single mom with an 14 year old son, and I do see how he grows up, and has a good set of brains, and is polite, and helpfully, especially elsewhere grinz, but of course he does help at home too.
he loves to be online, which is at one point great, because
all the information is out there, but on the other hand,
it's of course better to interact with people, which he does too,
and the time has come, where he wants to go out, to
safe party's(party's with no drugs & alcohol) in town.
I always say to him, I don't
fear that you will do silly stuff, but I don't trust the world out there.
So make sure you go with friends, so you don't walk alone.

We've seen enough violence which started out of nothing,
simply because it's "fun"[&:] to just beat someone up.

So yes, where is this world going too,
where is the tolerance of people, and acceptance that
we do live all together in this world, and the understanding,
that We have to do it with each other.

There are so many people who spread hatred around,
and the amount of violence ain't getting any less.

It's a scary world out there, and one can raise
their kids to their best ability, but then it's up to them.
To meet the world.

We can do only so much.

And you had a great statement about :
"when you really love someone, why wouldn't you want to do whatever you could for that one"

I so fully agree.
But I believe that's also something which has to be taught,
and in some once character.

I live by that motto too, and I do that.
It's just no guarantee it's returned.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`



lobodomslavery -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 3:07:02 AM)

You may have to search hard. But you will find some people of integrity here amongst the posers , masqueraders and deceivers which unfortunately populate this site as others. But like i say amongst that dross, there are good  people around
good luck
kevin



gumshoe -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 6:30:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Is it my imagination, or are people in general getting more self-serving and thoughtless regarding others? Have you noticed a debasement in simple human decency and tolerance of others? If so, how do we find the passage back to the place we as humans, were before?



This sounds like hankering after the good ole days that never were. Perhaps you are commenting of your perception of social reality rather than the actual nature of social reality.

The problem with personal experience it is always anecdotal and so too limited a basis from which to form accurate generalisations about the world around you.

There always have been people with no values and always will be. People with no consideration of others, their rights, how they see the world differently.

Perhaps such people have got no self-respect and so they can't respect others.

The better we treat others, then the better our own world will be.



gumshoe -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 6:36:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

So for me, quietly living a life that reflects what you want to see in the world is the best way to create change.


Very true. Deeds are more potent than words. Monkey see and so monkey do. People imitate others, if they see good maybe they'll imitate it. There again the same goes for bad as well.



Underumam -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 8:34:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
. This is just something that's been on my mind ever since my 14 year old daughter was born and I started contemplating what kind of world my generation was leaving for hers. It's been downright scary sometimes..

Hello Underumam,
Good question you asked, and I would like to add that this isn't a topic just for in the Usa, but for all over the world.

I'm a single mom with an 14 year old son, and I do see how he grows up, and has a good set of brains, and is polite, and helpfully, especially elsewhere grinz, but of course he does help at home too.
he loves to be online, which is at one point great, because
all the information is out there, but on the other hand,
it's of course better to interact with people, which he does too,
and the time has come, where he wants to go out, to
safe party's(party's with no drugs & alcohol) in town.
I always say to him, I don't
fear that you will do silly stuff, but I don't trust the world out there.
So make sure you go with friends, so you don't walk alone.

We've seen enough violence which started out of nothing,
simply because it's "fun"[&:] to just beat someone up.

So yes, where is this world going too,
where is the tolerance of people, and acceptance that
we do live all together in this world, and the understanding,
that We have to do it with each other.

There are so many people who spread hatred around,
and the amount of violence ain't getting any less.

It's a scary world out there, and one can raise
their kids to their best ability, but then it's up to them.
To meet the world.

We can do only so much.

And you had a great statement about :
"when you really love someone, why wouldn't you want to do whatever you could for that one"

I so fully agree.
But I believe that's also something which has to be taught,
and in some once character.

I live by that motto too, and I do that.
It's just no guarantee it's returned.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`



Thanks for your kind reply GoddezzT! I know exactly what you mean by no guarantees on the returns. But you know what? I don't care(too much). When I'm in a relationship, a return is just part of a healthy comittment. Out in the world, I don't personalize the things the Creator might do THROUGH me to assist/benefit others, as it's not mine to begin with. I can only make a conscious decision to cooperate with such higher ideals such as love, faith, hope and charity. This to me, is where it's truly at. This is also something that I believe we were put here to learn,work and flourish in, and it just saddens me to no end to see how many people not only haven't a clue, but will actually oppose one who works in this way.

I fully believe that the Females of this world can guide/accept nothing less from the people around them and well be on the right track.  Thanks again for your comment.



KatyLied -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/25/2009 2:51:01 PM)

quote:

So for me, quietly living a life that reflects what you want to see in the world is the best way to create change.


Another thing that helps is to remember that it is your job to teach people how to treat you.  If you set up boundaries and expectations from the begining, it makes it easier for them to understand what you will/will not accept.  Remind them that this word exists:  next.



GoddessTeaze -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/26/2009 1:16:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam Thanks for your kind reply GoddezzT! I know exactly what you mean by no guarantees on the returns. But you know what? I don't care(too much). When I'm in a relationship, a return is just part of a healthy commitment. Out in the world, I don't personalize the things the Creator might do THROUGH me to assist/benefit others, as it's not mine to begin with. I can only make a conscious decision to cooperate with such higher ideals such as love, faith, hope and charity. This to me, is where it's truly at. This is also something that I believe we were put here to learn,work and flourish in, and it just saddens me to no end to see how many people not only haven't a clue, but will actually oppose one who works in this way.

I fully believe that the Females of this world can guide/accept nothing less from the people around them and well be on the right track.  Thanks again for your comment.


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeazeHello Underumam,
It's just as simple as, just finding the right needle in the
haystack, someone who is on the same level as you,
and 2 souls who bond, so you can live in Love Peace
and Understanding forever happily after.
no?

I wish you enough.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`



Underumam -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/26/2009 4:46:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

So for me, quietly living a life that reflects what you want to see in the world is the best way to create change.


Another thing that helps is to remember that it is your job to teach people how to treat you.  If you set up boundaries and expectations from the begining, it makes it easier for them to understand what you will/will not accept.  Remind them that this word exists:  next.


lol. Around here- for the most part, subbies aren't allowed to have such freedoms..(just kidding.)(I think) lol.



LaTigresse -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/26/2009 7:21:21 AM)

Actually I have been surprised to find that I am often the one that sets their boundaries when it comes to interactions with me.

One girl has problems interacting with people and has used seclusion as her way of creating boundaries. I am hoping that, in time, after she is with me permanently I can help her see that people are not innately bad. Teach her how to communicate in a way that does establish boundaries yet does not close her off from humanity.





CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (1/26/2009 11:50:12 AM)

quote:

Is it my imagination, or are people in general getting more self-serving and thoughtless regarding others? Have you noticed a debasement in simple human decency and tolerance of others?


Manners and common courtesy seem to be less valued in our current culture, but I think that humanity has always suffered from waves of ignorance, rudeness, mistreatment of our fellow men -- it is only when one has had the opportunity to experience a different attitude (as some of us did due to being raised during earlier decades in this country when manners and courtesy, formalized and informal, were emphasized) that we see how far we have fallen. It isn't a matter of the community exploring WIITWD, but of (in particular) the culture in the United States. Very few of our young people seem to have been taught general courtesy, and even fewer of them practice it... and by the same token, very few adults -require- general courtesy from either contemporaries or youth... nor do the give it to their elders or superiors. I think that this tends to follow the more 'entitlement-oriented' culture that we've developed, where everyone is led to believe that xhe is the next best thing to white bread, and shouldn't have to recognize experience or treat others with a modicum of dignity. 

It is also pretty apparent that much of the human race are petty, cruel, selfish creatures. There are wars going on on the face of our planet that have been fought for THOUSANDS of years -- people who hate one another with a passion that should be reserved for exquisite art and glorious prose... and instead, is tossed into methods of destruction that would have horrified our ancestors and a level of cruelty reinforced through daily images and words in our newspapers and on our televisions that I expect our forefathers would have considered the greatest obscenity against our own race that had ever been conceived. I wonder, some days, if, in seeing what we have done with the ideals set forth for us, our ancestors would have stepped into the bowl of volcanoes and thrown themselves into the cracks of the Earth to prevent the continuation of the race.

quote:

If so, how do we find the passage back to the place we as humans, were before?


Part of the problem is that the graceful, polite, far-sighted, and courteous world that you are 'remembering' has never really existed. We humans have had brief respite which included rituals meant to display a polite face... but from behind that mask of civility, we have committed horrific attrocities against one another.

Just because we've never managed to maintain this before doesn't mean that we are incapable. We are thinking, choosing, deciding creatures. Whether one sees oneself as a 'child of god', or as an individual in charge of hir own destiny and direction, the key to improving the interactions between humans, in this community or others, rests on the shoulders of each one of us and the decisions we make. The place we need to start is the only place we -can- start... with oneself. We can demand of ourselves that treatment for those whom we encounter. We can set an example, and can treat with dignity and general courtesy, even when there is a need to correct or to debate. Those of us who are responsible for other people (whether parents, managers, or Keepers) can do our best to assure that those with whose lives we are charged treat others with whom -they- interact with that same general courtesy. We can offer an example, and can comment on and show our appreciation for general courtesies and human dignity offered to us by others.

As long as one person is willing to stand out and behave with courtesy and grace, there is the chance to pull our treatment of one another out of the toilet.



MsMillgrove -> RE: Discussion regarding honesty/personal integrity (2/3/2009 1:10:19 PM)

rambling responses...
When I was a tiny child I was under the misapprehension that one could understand most things, that it was merely a matter of education. I also made mental notes to self about the future--remember to do this when you have kids--oh.. don't do that.. that's not good.  I have long mental lists on how I planned to behave or topics I needed to master. 

Some of this worked ok, a lot didn't.  It's very depressing to realize there will always be many more questions than answers..and even worse is the knowledge that there isn't certainty even in so-called scientific "facts".  The longer you live, the more you discover that things you were taught or learned have been disproven and replaced by new theories, which are likely to be overturned again.  And again.  For the intellectually driven, curious person..this is not good news.

I always promised myself never to tell "good old days" stories, to be positive and forward thinking. Wow what a challenge. Who knew how hard that was going to be. Because I feel like things are slipping away that i value...maybe they aren't slipping in the big picture--the long run--but they feel like they're sliding down fast in the past twenty-five years.  I am constantly looking for fresh fodder for the "postive" outlook...while trying to minimize the negatives.

Whether women can be effective globally?  Take a look at statistics for women in elected  positions of leadership in the US.  We rank 52 world wide.  Think about that one. Women don't have the political power in the US that we need if we're going to have global impact.  We also aren't well represented in the boardrooms or as CEOs of  Fortune 500 companies.  I think most people have no idea how far we're running behind the curve.  If you look at statistics for the time between the late '30s and the mid 70's you'll discover that women spent almost 40 years being shoved backwards.

The post WW2 period featured a successful social engineering project to pressure U.S. women out of the workplace to re-employ returning veterans. Women have made significant strides since the '70's but it's nowhere near what the women of that era believed was possible then.  I'm not sure how much of an impact women will have outside their current spheres in the next decades.  I fear it will be smaller than I hoped.

My experience in CM re personal integrity has been good and bad--the lies told regarding age astonish me--how common it is to discover someone has chopped off ten years. Last week I ask one person.. what's your age several times before he finally admit he's taken ten off in an "oversight". huh?
Of course that 'oversight' hasn't been corrected.
I know one guy whose old profile took off ten and his new one lops off almost 20. 

How can we trust one another when we begin with deception?



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875