Desiring an Asshole Dom?

Desiring an Asshole Dom? (Full Version)

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wisdom58 -> Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 2:43:07 PM)
On another thread, someone who seems wise and experienced said: " I find ... a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole, or confuse a bit of asshole behavior with strong dom behavior." What has been your experience in this regard? If the statement seems accurate to you, why is it so?

windchymes -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 2:47:27 PM)
Some of that theory probably is based on the "bad boy" concept....that a lot of women seem to be attracted to "bad boys", in both BDSM and vanilla relationships. Not me...I'm only attracted to niceness.

feydeplume -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 2:50:11 PM)
I usually desire the he goes away quickly. If he makes good eye candy, they i desire that he shuts his mouth, takes off some clothes, and let me get on with appreciating him in the best way for both of us.

littlewonder -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 2:54:11 PM)
When I was a young confused girl I thought the whole bad boy stereotype was sexy and it was fun for awhile but now that I'm older I have no desire for it whatsoever. You can't settle down and make a real life with a badboy. All you'll get is hurt and disappointment or worse. I'll take a nice, down-to earth-Man any day.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 3:02:46 PM)
Since I'm the one who made the comment, I completely agree with this. It's worse when they are novices.

oceanwynds -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 3:02:57 PM)
Never been attracted to assholes, though am attracted to quiet brainy types of men. I dont really know why some might be attracted to that type of Dom, but I guess it isnt all that bad, or those Doms would not have the s-type.

corsetgirl -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 3:15:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder When I was a young confused girl I thought the whole bad boy stereotype was sexy and it was fun for awhile but now that I'm older I have no desire for it whatsoever. You can't settle down and make a real life with a badboy. All you'll get is hurt and disappointment or worse. I'll take a nice, down-to earth-Man any day. I agree with you because I think the reason why women are attracted to the bad boy types is because they are considered to be the alpha males. However, there is huge difference between being confident and just an asshole. I am over that attraction and have learned to stay away from those who are not worth my time let alone friendship.

mc1234 -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 4:23:49 PM)
I've found there is a difference between an asshole dom and one who is commanding. It took me a bit of time to get there, though. I thought at the start that someone who ordered me about was being a dominant, but he was just being domineering if he didn't/couldn't give me the other parts of the relationship that I need - the loving, caring side. In short, he was being an ass. Flash forward a few years and I've found someone who cares about me, my feelings and what it is that I want from a relationship ... as well as knowing how to get what he wants and needs as well. I love it, just adore it, when he's all commanding and 'do this/do that' with me ... but that's not the majority of our time together. And without having the other side, the affectionate side, it all becomes rather meaningless for me. Having both together ... priceless. [:)]

agirl -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 4:26:06 PM)
No idea. No-one's defined an arse-hole as yet. agirl

wisdom58 -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 4:54:56 PM)
quote: No idea. No-one's defined an arse-hole as yet. Seems others have been able to respond without what must inevitably be both an over inclusive and under inclusive set of criteria. But taking you at your word, how about "congenitally self-centered, brutish, and domineering, all in a consistently arbitrary and capricious way"?

colouredin -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 5:00:17 PM)
Hmm see I have been with people who pride themselves on their ability to be assholes, and I find them really appealing. Its not the bad boy thing its the honesty. The other thing you see that I tend to be attracted to is people who seem nice initially, interesting sweet, then moaning and pathetic then often manipulative and finally it tends to be that its all a huge facade. They use the 'nice' thing to play the victim card at every opportunity. I prefer someone who accepts their flaws and embraces them, someone that is multi-faceted and interesting. I know I can be an asshole at times. However in the genuiene sense of the word, I have been taken in by horrific people, I have mistaken fear for passion. But without having felt that I wouldnt be able to recognise the genuiene feelings. So its a good thing

NuevaVida -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 5:03:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdom58 On another thread, someone who seems wise and experienced said: " I find ... a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole, or confuse a bit of asshole behavior with strong dom behavior." What has been your experience in this regard? If the statement seems accurate to you, why is it so? Yep. Seems accurate to me. :)

wisdom58 -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 5:31:29 PM)
quote: Yep. Seems accurate to me. :) Nueva Vida, Any further thoughts as to why? Do you think that it is mostly a function of confusing such behavior with something else that is more appealing, i.e. the Bad Boy syndrome that other have spoken about. Or, perhaps, is it that many feel like Colouredin, and find that behavior more "honest" and, paradoxically, less emotionally dangerous?

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 5:36:55 PM)
I like a " good bad boy" if that makes sense to anyone. I like someone thats rough and hard, but with me is a teddy bear.

DesFIP -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 8:14:41 PM)
Some people confuse domineering with dominant and arrogant with confidant. As far as the bad boy thing; I've always thought it a leftover from a rebellious period.

trappedinamuseum -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/24/2009 9:36:38 PM)
I'm not sure this is a good answer, but here goes... When the "Face" and I are playing, he can be an asshole. He's caring (and makes sure I am okay yeah), but it is pretty much "My way or the fucking highway"...which I find incredibly hot. But, while we are playmates, we are also friends. when I was upset about a date gone wrong, he came over, held me, brushed away my tears, and was there to support me. I think he likes to have the asshole image, but when it comes down to it, he's a good person. So, I guess I go for both.

NuevaVida -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/25/2009 6:47:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdom58 quote: Yep. Seems accurate to me. :) Nueva Vida, Any further thoughts as to why? Do you think that it is mostly a function of confusing such behavior with something else that is more appealing, i.e. the Bad Boy syndrome that other have spoken about. Or, perhaps, is it that many feel like Colouredin, and find that behavior more "honest" and, paradoxically, less emotionally dangerous? First, what is "asshole" to one person may be desirous and attractive to another, and vice versa. I do believe, however, that many (and certainly not all) submissives seek out and are attracted to certain no-nonsense, assertive, even arrogant and/or caustic personality traits for various reasons. For some it feels safer because there is no guess-work it's pure raw honesty that's right to the point. For others it emits a kind of power that can be consuming. For others it may simply be sexually hot...and so on. But such a person might easily be confused with being well intended when that might not be the case at all. At times these attitude traits might be seen as wonderful and cool and hot and powerful but without knowing and understanding their bearers intention, may actually be coming from a less than honorable place. Hence, asshole, being confused for something else.

SassySarijane -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/25/2009 7:06:55 AM)
There's a difference between asshole and alpha. I like alpha very much and one that isn't afraid to show his softer side. Assholes, no thanks, been there done that, had enough. I think asshole gets confused with alpha, dominant, strong, and self assured a lot of times. They are not the same.

OmegaG -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/25/2009 9:48:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane There's a difference between asshole and alpha. I like alpha very much and one that isn't afraid to show his softer side. Assholes, no thanks, been there done that, had enough. I think asshole gets confused with alpha, dominant, strong, and self assured a lot of times. They are not the same. If I may expound on this a bit. To me an alpha is a man who is confident, commanding and assertive. He knows his self worth and is comfortable with the world around him. An asshole tends to be insecure, in order to try to fool others into thinking that he's better then he thinks he is he tends to act arrogent, demanding and aggressive. To me the difference between the two is really subtle-- upon a brief glance they appear the same, but upon further scrutiny, the asshole demands that people think that he's wonderful whereas the alpha lets his quality speak for itself and doesn't worry about what conclusions others come to.

SassySarijane -> RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? (1/25/2009 11:16:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane There's a difference between asshole and alpha. I like alpha very much and one that isn't afraid to show his softer side. Assholes, no thanks, been there done that, had enough. I think asshole gets confused with alpha, dominant, strong, and self assured a lot of times. They are not the same. If I may expound on this a bit. To me an alpha is a man who is confident, commanding and assertive. He knows his self worth and is comfortable with the world around him. An asshole tends to be insecure, in order to try to fool others into thinking that he's better then he thinks he is he tends to act arrogent, demanding and aggressive. To me the difference between the two is really subtle-- upon a brief glance they appear the same, but upon further scrutiny, the asshole demands that people think that he's wonderful whereas the alpha lets his quality speak for itself and doesn't worry about what conclusions others come to. Definite thanks for expounding on that. What you said is pretty much what was going through my head in thinking on the differences between asshole and alpha.

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