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TexasMaam -> RE: Have you ever been in a relationship where (1/25/2009 1:23:38 PM)
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A Dominant who 'no longer wants to be a Dominant' will usually find themselves craving their submissive counterpart after a few weeks or even a few months of 'downtime'. A Dominant personality is usually hard wired to be Dominant and will eventually resurface IF that individual is truly Dominant by nature and not just presenting themselves as Dominant because of others expectations.
A resistant sub, however, may be having more long term personality conflicts that may last for a much longer period of time.
I had a male sub who began to behave like an inconsiderate jerk. He wanted to be bound and tied at his convenience, but was never ready or present at MY convenience. He stopped putting a priority on pleasing Me, became agitated at My expectations.
I realized it was because he was resisting his submissive nature. Things were out of control in his financial life and I believe he needed a different outlet where he could control things, whether in a vanilla romance or whether he needed to go 'play' as a Dom.
It's not easy to help someone who's become resistant to rediscover their submissive self and their joy in submission, but it can be done.
I'm simply not inclined to engage in that dynamic anymore. I want a sub who IS a sub who KNOWS he is a sub and who has no compulsion to dominate ME. I want a sub who is a masochist and who is willing to jump through hoops to beg me to whip him and who is ready to BE there when I expect him to be.
Having gone down the road of trying to 'be patient', trying to 'give the sub their 'space' or 'distance', having tried to 're-ignite' that submissive sense of service once it's bolted out of the barn I've learned that it's best to release them and allow the sub go explore their needs than to try and channel them in the direction that I want them to develop.
Now, where Dom/Domme burnout is concerned, I think that's a slightly different matter. It takes a great deal of time, consideration and after care on the part of the Dominant to care for a sub. It's easy to burn out on the responsibility, especially if other demands, like work, family, or finances become a constant train wreck.
I think every Dominant sometimes needs to shake off all of their 'minions' and just curl up with a nice glass of port and be 'undomly' for awhile. Take a load off, chill out, take a haitus from WIITWD for awhile.
If you're dealing with Dominant burnout, talk to your Dom and see what it is they specifically do not want to 'engage in' as a Dom at this moment in time. Suggest that a specific activity or responsiblity be shifted or avoided for a time until the Dominant's need for control re-energizes itself.
If you're dealing with submissive resistance, you need to help the sub do some soul searching to find out what it is about their circumstances in other areas of their lives that is making them feel resistant or resentful of their submissive activities.
Either way, introspection, self analysis and the courage to take steps necessary to work through or to change current relationships is the only resolution.
TexasMaam
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