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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:44:55 PM

Andalusite

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I don't have a webcam, and am hesitant to share face pictures with people I haven't met. Since I'm not interested in online BDSM, we wouldn't be a match in any case, so I suppose it's irrelevant.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/26/2009 12:19:01 AM

eponastar

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You could always make them take a picture holding a piece of paper with your name on it with red ribbons in their hair... thats unique and I doubt they could recreated it with a friend all to quickly.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/26/2009 2:41:06 AM

BondageBarbieX

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I always go on cam for Dominants but my criteria is that they better also have a cam and be prepared to get on it.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/26/2009 7:08:08 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I was doing some research yesterday... or was it the day before... humm.. anyway... I found this handy dandy cam thingy that was created to pre-record so that people would think they were looking at you and seeing you... when it was made to help people hide who they really were. So if you do use the cam to verify... make them do things so you know it isn't pre-recorded! lol

No cam... get one or we don't talk. No phone... you are shit outta luck darlin... next! I will not meet a stranger right away for many reasons... and not from fear. If they can't show me who they are... I don't have any time.

well I could give you my phone number and you could call me, but I sound like a guy on the phone, so I am not sure if that would help.

You do NOT. Sheesh.

that is because you know me. Trust me, when I am on the phone at work, I get called sir a lot more than I get called maam.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/31/2009 8:56:47 AM

beeble

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quote:

LadyMedusa wrote:
I have yet to find a girl who meets My personal criteria of having a pc cam so I can verify her sex. Is this too much to ask?

Yes, it is. I am very wary of revealing my identity online and wouldn't be willing to show you a picture of my face until I felt I could trust you. If you were willing to show your face on camera, that would be reassuring but I still wouldn't be happy to receive a demand to see my face before I was ready to show it. `Less willing to reveal her identity than I am' is not, in my book, a valid reason to reject somebody.

That said, it is reasonable to want to verify that somebody really is a woman before getting too deeply involved with them. I would suggest that you remain open about wanting to verify (though more flexibility than just a webcam would be good) but not press hard for it early on. Most men who are pretending to be women probably won't want to spend time getting to know you before anything kinky happens; most people who want to enter into an honest relationship will be happy to spend time getting to know you first.

beeble.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/31/2009 10:02:26 AM

MsDDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMedusa

Now normally I am pretty good about weeding out the fakes and such. But I am starting to wonder if anyone will ever answer after reading My profile. I have yet to find a girl who meets My personal criteria of having a pc cam so I can verify her sex. Is this too much to ask? Am I possibly asking too much of these submissive girls? I am not asking them to get naked the very first time, I just want to see they are the real deal, after being taken a few times online.

What is your opinions on this?

u have the right to ask and my take is if they r not willing, then they r not for u. i am not saying forcefully someone HAS to do it, but i figure just like in someone asking for a license to verify age before buying alcohol, u can ask for verifications. it is UR method of verification.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/31/2009 12:39:53 PM

LaMistressa

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I'm not a big webcam fan, so I usually voice verify and try to meet someone for coffee if I'm interested in them. If they aren't close enough to meet me, they probably won't work out for me anyway.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/31/2009 4:58:08 PM

DominantDamsel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMedusa

Now normally I am pretty good about weeding out the fakes and such. But I am starting to wonder if anyone will ever answer after reading My profile. I have yet to find a girl who meets My personal criteria of having a pc cam so I can verify her sex. Is this too much to ask? Am I possibly asking too much of these submissive girls? I am not asking them to get naked the very first time, I just want to see they are the real deal, after being taken a few times online.

What is your opinions on this?

I haven't read the other posts and am just responding to the OP. My opinion on cams is that I don't have one and don't want one. I find them intrusive and would never cam with anyone regarding discussion of wiitwd. I wouldn't advise anyone who didn't want the world and the entire internet to see them talking about this lifestyle to cam. These cam sessions can be recorded and shared. They aren't guaranteed to be private. Why even begin something that could harm you professionally or possibly in other ways? Why even go there?

No offense to the OP whatsoever but I just don't think that camming is a good thing to encourage for anyone. If you want to verify that someone is who they say they are, meet them in a public place.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 4:36:04 AM

cjan

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Well, suspicion is a two way street, yanno. As Lockit pointed out, there is software available that can fake an authentic webcam broadcast and , of course, there are software programs that can make a wrestler's voice sound like Shirley Temple. I would be wary of someone who is looking for an " online only" relationship. It would be a red flag for me, as is rushing to "verify", for a number of reasons.

I agree with others who have said that taking the time to get to know each other, through a variety of mediums, and then setting up a face to face meet is the prudent way to go.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 3:42:30 PM

LadyMedusa

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LOL y'all, I don't expect her to get naked on the first date...ok ok, so if she offers, who am I to turn it down...lol

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 3:55:24 PM

CuddlyCreative

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I know I'm not your target audience but this is a topic I have strong feelings about.

I went out and bought a cam at the request of a Dominant I was talking to almost a year ago. Long story short, he ended up veing a real jerk and I ended up feeling foolish for being the one to make efforts like this while he rarely did so himself. i also felt foolish for doing sexual things on the cam at his request. Mind you, I had spoken with him both on chat and on the phone for many hours before doing this. He still turned out to be a jerk. At this point, because of this experience and many others, I do not trust anyone, nor do I go out of my way to do things for someone, until we have met in person. Online stuff is often fraught with lies and I won't put my self out there--my honesty, sincerity, and effort--for someone who themselves may be insincere, dishonest, and a user.

At this point, the cam is in a closet somewhere as I associate it with him and with VERY hard feelings. If someone insisted that I cam with them before meeting, my answer at this point would be a resounding NO. If they can't accept that, then it's buh-bye. The Dominant I'd be interested in would not expect me to do something just because they said so, even before we had met!

So my answer would be yes, you are being, if not unreasonable, then not exactly fair. You are asking someone to make an investment, both in time and money, to get a cam if they don't have one, and to do what you ask them to do when THEY don't know who YOU are.

Good old-fashioned meeting in person solves a lot of these issues. If you ask them to meet and they evaporate, then you know they were a bullshit artist in some way. The risk of meeting in person is exaggerated by many; the risk of wasting your time and heart online is UNDER-emphasized by many.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 4:00:45 PM

CuddlyCreative

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"I am very busy right now and do not have the time to devote to r/t at the moment"

Yet you expect THEM to have the time to devote to running out and buying/learning to use a webcam. Very off-putting.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 4:32:16 PM

Nikitaa

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I do not think is too much to ask. You have right to set your own conditions. If the person does not agree then you do not continue.
I think people should have webcam. This way you can make sure person looks like picture and is not using stolen pictures.

I have cam and every 3rd guy ask me to verify myself in first message. When a man ask me to verify myself in 1st or 2nd message I answer with "I can not verify because I am fake, good bye."

I do will do phone call and webcam verification when I think I have made connection. Then we both can verify each other.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 5:06:02 PM

TranceTara

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After reading all the responses I find that we all have our own criteria that will work for us. None are right or wrong.

For me, I don't own a webcam and don't plan on getting one any time soon. I have made contact with some people from CM and Alt in the past. We started with emails, then as we felt comfortable we did phone and with several it was coffee in a public place in which I had safe calls lined up. That is how I prefer it. Usually it was emails for a week or two, then phone a few times and then coffee. With some it was a couple of emails and coffee. It depends on who and the comfort level. Also how far away they are plays a big part as well.

And, if I feel orders are being given at the go, I am gone. I wish to be met first and foremost as a human being. I am no one's submissive until that offer is made and accepted, therefore I am not to be treated as such until the process begins. I have dealt with some Masters in a group and none has ever assumed domination because of their title, yet many in internet land feel it is an inherent right. Not with me.

As for online only, I skip all those profiles completely. I had been in contact with a Mistress and in writing to her and opening up to her I began to go to a very submissive place. The feelings and emotions that began to arise were powerful and extremely confusing. I had some medical issues, but I was also going into a very vulnerable and submissive head space. I needed support in r/t. And, I had apparently gone to far in expressing some feelings so I was forbidden to communicate with her for a couple of weeks. After writing an apology and correcting my behaviour I still did not hear from her. Then I got a sentence back. That was when I knew I needed to say goodbye. I found a support group in which I was able to cry and express all those submissive feelings as well as the guilt and shame at "failing". The love and support I received showed me I had done what was best for me and aftercare in r/t is essential if I am to open up and begin the process of offering myself.

That's what works for me.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 5:22:14 PM

sylkenkitten

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So this thread caught my attention while checking mail and after reading the replies I figured I'd take a look at your profile.. you know curious like a kitten and all that.

So here's the thing, if YOU have trust issues, do you not believe that OTHERS might have trust issues? After all it is not just reserved to a single person to have trust issues.

Now your profile was entirely off-putting, having to 'prove' that I'm female all for what? A few messages online because that's all the time you have for a female submissive?

Might I suggest perhaps revising your profile to express that you would like to speak on the phone with the lady, not to prove that she's a woman but because for you it's a way of connecting and ensuring that you can build trust with that person... Or something that is less off putting then 'I want to make sure you're a woman' especially considering you don't really want to invest any time...really. I mean.. I get living a 'hidden' lifestyle because of your home environment or your town environment or such things, completely understandable, and I understand trust issues everyone has them really, but you don't seem .. opened to the possibilities and to opportunities that may come your way simply by the way you phrase your profile.

now that I've dropped my thoughts and my two cents on the matter, I do with you good luck in your search and hope that you find that which you seek.

~Kitten, who has too much rolling around in her head most of the time

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/1/2009 6:11:44 PM

cjan

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OP, after looking at your profile, I have to agree with the posters who say that your profile is off-putting. You come across as a guy who is into cam-wanking with no interest in actually getting to know anyone.Sorry, but you asked for input and impressions created by your profile.

< Message edited by cjan -- 2/1/2009 6:13:27 PM >

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/2/2009 3:05:21 AM

beeble

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quote:

Nikitaa wrote: I do not think is too much to ask. You have right to set your own conditions.

Of course she has the right to set her own conditions. But she was asking whether the conditions she has set are reasonable.

beeble.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 2/2/2009 9:25:12 AM

Nikitaa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

Nikitaa wrote: I do not think is too much to ask. You have right to set your own conditions.

Of course she has the right to set her own conditions. But she was asking whether the conditions she has set are reasonable.

beeble.

Only the person she becomes involved with can answer. What we consider unreasonable may not be considered unreasonable to person who she becomes involved. No standard or request is unreasonable if requested BEFORE relationship begins because people know standards before entering.

I make some unreasonable standards for submissive I seek. Sub will know about standards before relationship so standards are accepted and not actually unreasonable. If I make new unreasonable standards during relationship then this not right.

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