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floorkitten -> Benchmarking Submission? (1/10/2006 8:56:31 AM)
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“Submission should not be measured by how much one can take.”
There are occasions when I come across a phrase or am part of a conversation in which a portion will weld itself into my subconscious for future reflection. This is one of those times.
When I was first exposed to the above phrase, my immediate response was rather cynical in nature; surely no one really thought that the level of pain one could take was a measuring device for submission. Yet, I felt that subconscious welding taking place. Did I not – at one time – use that very measurement in my own self-assessment as a submissive? Of course I did.
Thinking back to some of my first exposures to scene life, I would watch with envy the bottoms who subjected their bodies to the devious desires of their tops – thinking the entire time what “good” submissives they were and how I would never be able to reach that level of submission. For I was defining their submission, as well as my own – by how much they could physically take within a scene, no real knowledge about the underlying components that make up the core of these individuals. Of course now, a decade and a half later, my own understanding and complete acceptance of who I am, has grown, changed and matured.
When I speak about the scene today, which I liken to what it is we do in regard to the S&M part of what we do, I realize it is filled with a kaleidoscope of techniques and sensations of various levels and dimensions. Being involved in the scene, does not necessarily make one a submissive and the intensity of a scene is in no way – a measuring device for submission. As far as that goes, it is not a measurement for Dominance, either, although it is of my opinion that Dominants have this whole other measuring device all of their own, which would be a book within itself.
So my initial and cynical reaction to the opening phrase, was wrong. Which then made me wonder just how many submissives out there, use this very measurement for themselves - especially those just starting to get their feet wet.
Bottoming, being a submissive or being a slave, is about finding that one piece of yourself and learning how to embrace it. Accepting your own self definition, as well as, respecting the same self definition of those that make up our community as a whole. It is about where you feel complete and at peace, and has nothing to do with “….how much one can take.”
Just a few shared thoughts on a Tuesday.
~kitten
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