Questions to ask potential Dom (Full Version)

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sultryvoice -> Questions to ask potential Dom (1/10/2006 3:40:23 PM)

I have tried to look in the archives for this and I am not having any luck..I am talking to a potential Dom and I want to know more about him. I don't want only D/s compatibility but compatibility in other areas. I have waited a long time and I want to be sure we have enough in common for it to have a chance of working. I would like to compile a list of questions as a guide..I am open to your suggestions..

Respectfully,
sultry



EriaeMelody -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/10/2006 3:45:48 PM)

Well, if this was just a 'nilla relationship you were trying to build on...what kind of things would you want to know?

Those are the questions that I would be asking...the D/s side...that's obviously there already, so now you need to know what kind of a person he is outside the scene.



lsycko -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/10/2006 4:17:17 PM)

Well, i would start with your interests. What do you like to do for fun, or entertainment.



KatyLied -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/10/2006 4:20:39 PM)

Ask him about his life, his work, his hobbies, his family. You can tell a lot about someone by learning their basics. You should learn what he's about as a person before you get overly concerned about the Dom stuff. Then you can move on to lifestyle and kink-specific information.

Good luck!




sub4hire -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/10/2006 4:27:10 PM)

I'm with everyone else. A BDSM relationship is built on trust. You can't have trust if you have no prior relationship. Sure, you can play here and there but that is far from a relationship.
So, get to know him. Who he is, what his hobbies are. Are you compatible on a vanilla basis? If you are then start asking the lifestyle questions.



sultryvoice -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/10/2006 5:40:57 PM)

Yes, I plan to do those things..I do know a bit already..but the vanilla is what I'm concerned about right now..I know we have some possible compatibilities in D/s..Thank you for your answers..

Respectfully,
sultry



floorkitten -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/11/2006 3:04:14 AM)

sultry,

here are some great questions to ask potential dominants - even titled as such...lol

http://www.kamsky.org/Submissives/Submissions/floorkitten/questionsfordominants.html

~kitten



sultryvoice -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/13/2006 6:23:54 PM)

Thank you for the link floorkitten..



aurora31 -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/13/2006 7:13:43 PM)

Thank you for the link floorkitten. I never can rember the questions I want to ask a potential Dom/Master. Now I have a list I can just look at and ask away. Play 40 questions...lol

aurora



IrishMist -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/13/2006 7:22:50 PM)

Even I have to admit, that is one hell of a list of questions......very, very smart and well thought out.



subfever -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/13/2006 10:25:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: floorkitten

sultry,

here are some great questions to ask potential dominants - even titled as such...lol

http://www.kamsky.org/Submissives/Submissions/floorkitten/questionsfordominants.html

~kitten


That's an impressive list of questions there!



Arpig -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/13/2006 11:29:31 PM)

somehow seems to take all the romance and passion out of it really, but then again I am picturing meeting in some cafe and sitting down and being grilled with all 40 questions [:)]. I don't think I would really ask many of those things outright, but most would be a good thing to learn.



MadameDahlia -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/14/2006 1:06:45 AM)

They're good questions for anyone to ask really... Dominant individuals and submissives alike could ask all of them, in some cases with a bit of tweaking.

Very nice link...



gbgirlz2003 -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (1/14/2006 4:02:27 AM)

Those are terrific questions. I tend to try and avoid the touch-feely ones and concentrate on the REAL ones. Like who are you ...REALLY?
and the isnsitance on talking to others he/she has been involved with.
I would never get involved with a divorced person without first taking the ex to dinner...lol.
Every story has various angles.



truesub123 -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (5/31/2006 8:39:27 AM)

As for me, I am very intuitive. I just let the conversation flow. If it doesn't go anywhere,that tells me something. If it's going great, then I start to read between the lines...look for indications of his personality; is this someone I respect? does he like the same things I do? does he respect women? is he unethical? sensitive? intuitive? You can tell this kind of thing by just listening to a person. No need for 20 questions. Even with STD concerns, you can tell if this is the type of person who will keep you safe, insofar as is humanly possible.



sublizzie -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (5/31/2006 3:27:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gbgirlz2003
I would never get involved with a divorced person without first taking the ex to dinner...lol.
Every story has various angles.


While I understand your sentiment, I would have a problem with that. You see, my ex died just a few months ago (no I did not do it!) so there would be no way for someone to talk with him. But it's a great idea if the ex is alive, around, and willing.



cillydom -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (5/31/2006 6:09:13 PM)

I just put this in another thread but i think it fits here too>


I don’t think there is a shortcut to finding out about someone.

That said get a sense of wether his answers are consistent across different questions and try to determine if he is giving you answers he thinks you want to hear, his answers should be his answers wether you like them or not.

Below is something I put in another thread.

How to find dom/subbie.

Take two pieces of paper. On th first write a description of the person you want.

On the second piece of paper with much thought write a description of the relationship you desire.

Take the first sheet of paper and tear it up.

Take the second sheet of paper and go find him/her.



babysburnin -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (5/31/2006 6:59:26 PM)

The list of questions is a great one...just remember, anyone with half-a-brain can answer those questions "correctly" to win you over.  There is no substitute for first-hand experience with a person.  Use the list of questions as things to ask while getting to know the person, rather than a pop-quiz.



pinkee -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (5/31/2006 7:09:59 PM)

To the Op:  by "potential Dom" i presume you mean a Man from whom you are considering accepting a collar.
 
S'where, under the nick "candystripper" is a thread on background checks.  If you cannot find it, email me on the other side.
 
pinkee



wandersalone -> RE: Questions to ask potential Dom (6/1/2006 11:43:55 AM)

I liked the questions included in the link given to this thread earlier however with some of the questions, criminal conviction and mental illness I would ask for more information to put it into context eg if a person experiences depression and their mood is stable because they are compliant with their prescribed medication that would be ok. 

I like to ask a dom to tell me a bit about his dreams, his values - what really matters to him.  I find that I also learn a lot from how a person copes with the silences that may occur naturally over dinner, does he try and fill the silences with superficial talk or is he happy to just 'be'.

smiles

wanders



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