what do you do after session

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ropesubby39 -> what do you do after session (1/11/2006 12:05:30 PM)
Hi: I am seeking other subs' opinion on what do you do after you have disappointed your Dom? I am feeling so much anger right now, anger against myself....i dont know who i can talk to about it since i dont have much friends in this lifestyle, so again, i will swallow my anger and move on. I guess i would need to vent, but i will go do that on my treadmill before my sweet mouth gets me in trouble....... Be well Thanks! ropesubby

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 12:09:54 PM)
Why don't you talk to the dom? You're likely to get the best responses and most progress that way. For me, I generally get defensive, then angry, then self doubting, then sane, then mulling and finally accepting. Disappointment is a simple fact of relationships. That doesn't really make it easier when it occurs, but it helps to soothe a bit.

phoenixslave -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 12:34:24 PM)
Absolutely. Talk to your Dom. He Is your best friend in times like this.

KatyLied -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 12:54:01 PM)
quote: but i will go do that on my treadmill before my sweet mouth gets me in trouble....... You aren't permitted to have a discussion with your Dom about disappointing him? I do not understand this. You need to be able to communicate. As far as what you do afterward -- make an effort to improve the next time.

ropesubby39 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 1:02:07 PM)
Hi: Oh i do talk to my Dom, i was just wondering how other subs deal with the emotions i have mentionned in my first post. He is my best friend and always accessible when i need to talk to Him. ropesubby

ropesubby39 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 2:44:32 PM)
I want to rectify that i do communicate with my Dom almost everyday :) Sorry for not being more precised. Have a good evening thanks ropesubby

Rayne58 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 4:00:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ropesubby39 Hi: I am seeking other subs' opinion on what do you do after you have disappointed your Dom? I am feeling so much anger right now, anger against myself....i dont know who i can talk to about it since i dont have much friends in this lifestyle, so again, i will swallow my anger and move on. I guess i would need to vent, but i will go do that on my treadmill before my sweet mouth gets me in trouble....... Be well Thanks! ropesubby Sometimes things don't work out for various reasons. I know I have felt, not anger so much as disappointment in myself that I wasn't able to go as far as He or I would have wished - luckily I have a very understanding Master and we talk about things afterward, cuddle and resolve to try again another time.

ropesubby39 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 4:15:33 PM)
Hi Rayne i would say disappointment in myself is the right word for what i feel. Even tho my Dom said to stop worrying and be hard on myself (after a smack on my tush), i cant shake it off. But i do feel much better than this morning............i felt like crap Be well [:)] ropesubby

EriaeMelody -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 4:28:16 PM)
quote: I am seeking other subs' opinion on what do you do after you have disappointed your Dom Talk to him. No one is perfect, and I doubt very much that he expects you to be at all times. Use the anger you feel at yourself to analyze why and how you disappointed him in the first place.

classykindasassy -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 7:12:29 PM)
What did you do/not do, naughty grrl? I go thru this when I let myself down, on top of letting Him down. You are human, babe. If He says that all is forgiven, then you owe it to the both of you to stop doing your own self-serve masochism, and take yourself off the hook! Hey, would you masturbate behind his back if you are prohibited? Just say no to your own masochism.

seaturtle50 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 8:32:06 PM)
quote: I am seeking other subs' opinion on what do you do after you have disappointed your Dom? quote: Even tho my Dom said to stop worrying and be hard on myself (after a smack on my tush), i cant shake it off i might suggest that you believe your Dom. Believe what he has already said to you, and believe in Him. It sounds as though it is YOU who has not yet forgiven the wrong. If i am reading you right, he has already moved on. Is that correct? So, it is more an issue of how a sub feels when the sub thinks he/she has disappointed. i have noticed that the need to not disappoint one's Dom/me seems to be one of the strongest feelings that a sub experiences. Somehow, it smacks to me of being somewhat controlling. Something very self-centered. To hang onto the feelings associated with dissapointing, after you have been released from them by your Dom/me. (However, i do reserve the right to be absolutely wrong about that opinion [;)]) So, unless you enjoy the suffering, surrender that feeling to him, by taking him at his word, and swat! [:)] m

lilyophelia -> RE: what do you do after session (1/11/2006 10:08:50 PM)
Well, i think a big thing to think about, also, is if you really feel terrible about dissapointing your Dominant. What led to your behavior? Have you two settled on a rule or ritual that is very hard for you to maintain in a realistic way? i had a friend once who was beating herself up because she couldn't handle anal sex with her Master. It just hurt her too badly, and they had to stop (there were a lot of factors leading to this). But after he forgave her, she was still abusing herself over it. In truth though, she wasn't physically capable of performing in that way at that time; it was outside of her control. i would look at why i failed to please my Dominant and go from there. But, when i hurt my Miss, i do feel really badly, so i understand. i guess it mostly helps to share your thoughts with someone, and to reaffirm that you won't willingly disobey or dissapoint again; if you think you might break a rule again, discuss it with your dominant beforehand. Hope some of that is helpful.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: what do you do after session (1/12/2006 3:05:33 AM)
communicate...it happens to all of us and i know how you feel , because i am tough on myself too.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what do you do after session (1/12/2006 6:27:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ropesubby39 Even tho my Dom said to stop worrying and be hard on myself (after a smack on my tush), i cant shake it off.ropesubby LOL sometimes it really pushes my impatience button when my local partner continues to dwell even AFTER I've cuddled, even AFTER I've reassured, even AFTER I've established that everything is well again. Here's one approach: Stop being self-absorbed! You aren't trusting the dom, you are denying yourself and your dom pleasure of the time to be together securely. It's not your job to beat yourself up and you're only feeding into your insecurities. Another: Go to him directly and LAUGH about it. Say "I'm being a total dork over this but can't seem to shake it off, got any ideas?" Ruminating over things is normal. But you have to break your insecure habits or you will drain eachother.

KatyLied -> RE: what do you do after session (1/12/2006 6:32:59 AM)
quote: Even tho my Dom said to stop worrying I think you need to let it go. You've discussed it, evidently it's not an issue for him.

justheather -> RE: what do you do after session (1/12/2006 5:06:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: Even tho my Dom said to stop worrying I think you need to let it go. You've discussed it, evidently it's not an issue for him. Sometimes that is easier said than done, tho. I had a hard time letting go of something recently and I found that some thoughful tasks given to me by my dominant really helped me to focus on the reality of the present moment and let go of the issue I was clinging to. It also helped me to focus on positive feelings I encounter as a result of our relationship, which was especially sweet since I was so wrapped up in feeling the negative ones about myself. I have no idea whether or not he knew how perfectly crafted the "assignment" he gave me was, but either way it helped immensely. Maybe your dom could help you in this way too.

ropesubby39 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/12/2006 5:49:07 PM)
Hello A/all: Thank You A/all for your replies. It made me feel much better about the situation and somewhat realized that i am human and for sure some days i cant take pain as much as other days. Have a good evening and thanks again [:)] ropesubby

Noah -> RE: what do you do after session (1/12/2006 10:17:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ropesubby39 Hi Rayne i would say disappointment in myself is the right word for what i feel. Even tho my Dom said to stop worrying and be hard on myself (after a smack on my tush), i cant shake it off. But i do feel much better than this morning............i felt like crap Be well [:)] ropesubby He told you to shake it off and even gave you a whack to send "it" on its way but you're still holding it? Well now that's two things you've done wrong. You should feel terrible.

ropesubby39 -> RE: what do you do after session (1/13/2006 2:44:01 AM)
Hi Noah: My Dom did not say to shake it off i did..... ropesubby

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what do you do after session (1/13/2006 6:08:53 AM)
Let me guess this is the series of events: You get into a good hot scene The dom works you up real good and really wants to push you with your pain limits You try in vain but simply cannot go to that level Your dom is fine with it and tells you not to worry You feel crushed, take it personally, make it all about you and your "failure" and become wrapped in your insecurity Happens alllllll the time. Eventually you will hopefully a) learn to the trust the dom that he means it when he says it's ok b) learn to not automatically presume that you are such a huge deal that just one scene makes you a horrible failure The problem of course is that some doms really WILL take this sort of thing personally, get all insecure and defensive about it themselves and will even lie and say it's ok when it isn't. Luckily, that doesn't seem to be the problem here.

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