fear of what I desire

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allthatjaz -> fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 2:01:39 PM)
Do you ever get really nervous when you know that your dominant is going to deal with you? I have to admit that with certain things I get myself really in state. The other night I knew that what we were about to do was going to be painful. Now as a masochist I should of been looking forward to that but I found myself becoming quite fearful. He recognized this in me but he wasn't about to let a little thing called fear throw us off track. He massaged my back and spoke gently to me. He told me to do some deep breathing and prepare my head. Once he had got me in the right head space I was fine and the end result was beautiful. It made me realize that sometimes I fear what I desire. Does this happen to others? Maria

sparkyRBF -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 2:15:18 PM)
Oh most definitely. And what a great Master you have to recognize that in you and put your head in the right space so you can both enjoy it. My fear used to come in the middle of the play, a particularly painful stroke of the crop would send me into an almost panic like state and i feared the next stroke. Part of me feared it because i felt 'i'm suppose to feel fear when i'm tied up in pain' even though no one has told me i'm suppose to feel that way, no one has tried to make me feel that way and i didn't know why i felt that way. But when i realized i felt that way and it was ruining our sessions, i was able to sit back and say 'analyze the pain'. and in essence 'analyze the fear'. This has helped me tremendously. So no, you are not alone. best of luck to you. sincerely sparkyRBF happily owned slave of RedbotttomFarms

T1981 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 2:31:07 PM)
Fear is a powerful, powerful drug, and when applied correctly, makes a session damn near spiritual for me. The anticipation of having to do something I'm frightened of (the good kind of frightened), the gentle pushing and coaxing, and the incredible pride that later comes of being able to endure and possibly even enjoy whatever it was that I was so afraid of.....incredibly powerful. That's one of the things I love about submission, the butterflies, the licks of fear that flavor the anticipation, the look on my husband's face when he sees I'm trying so hard....it's bueatiful. What's even more amazing is that if I simply breath through it, as you said, and trust that I can get through this with his help, it becomes all the easier and more rewarding to work through. So yes, I do understand that. Very, very much so.

littleone35 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 2:31:43 PM)
Oh yes. Not so much anymore after almost 3 years. I remember once Master wanted to try something i was not so sure of it, but he wanted it so i would try to do it for him. He went really slow and talked to me the entire time so no surprises. It also helped relax me so i did not tense up. It went so well, and i actully enjoyed it (never thought i would) that i ask for it now. Don't always get it, but it does not hurt to ask. Matt's littleone

charlie63 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 3:30:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: T1981 Fear is a powerful, powerful drug, and when applied correctly, makes a session damn near spiritual for me. The anticipation of having to do something I'm frightened of (the good kind of frightened), the gentle pushing and coaxing, and the incredible pride that later comes of being able to endure and possibly even enjoy whatever it was that I was so afraid of.....incredibly powerful. That's one of the things I love about submission, the butterflies, the licks of fear that flavor the anticipation, the look on my husband's face when he sees I'm trying so hard....it's bueatiful. What's even more amazing is that if I simply breath through it, as you said, and trust that I can get through this with his help, it becomes all the easier and more rewarding to work through. Beautifully said. I definitely get the 'good' fear, the nervous anticipation, so you are definitely not alone, jazz. Concentrating on Him and the pleasure He is getting, and also focusing on His pride in me, transcends me past the fear.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 7:29:00 PM)
That's pretty much the reason we invented "fear play."

NewlySingle329 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/28/2009 8:37:08 PM)
You are both very fortunate to have found each other. Beautiful thread!

allthatjaz -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 1:44:12 AM)
Thanks for the replies. We do sometimes go down the route of 'fearplay'. That ominous place with an unpredictable outcome and that place where he can honestly get me to feel that I am in a fight for life sitiation. Sitting here now and thinking about that sort of play I feel its almost ridiculous that he can get me to that state because I know absolutely that he would always put my safety first and foremost. What the thread is about is not so much fear play. Its about fear of play. Its fear of not being able to do what he asks me to do and fear of not being able to take what he wants to deal out. Its a self protection too, though I do understand that this can be brought on by personal issues and we have certainly had our share of them of late, so perhaps there is a founded link here. I think the other thing is our similarities in our own dominance and sadism. When I am dominating someone I know I will push the boundaries and probably expect a lot. I lose all track of time and what may start as a short fun session could become very deep and go on well into the night. Depending on my mood I could well turn a simple session into an all out fear play session. He is very much like me in that respect and perhaps its that, that frightens me!

colouredin -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 2:45:16 AM)
Apprehension is a pretty common theme for me, sometimes it gives an edge to the experiance sometimes it is a more drastic fear. People are afraid of the unknown. I am terrified of much that I desire becuase I am so sure that I know what I want the idea of it going wrong or not being enjoyable is something that I worry about quite a bit. Of course that makes it all the more sweeter when I discover that I havent suddenly changed and actually I still feel safe.

LilacPromise -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 3:49:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz Do you ever get really nervous when you know that your dominant is going to deal with you? I have to admit that with certain things I get myself really in state. The other night I knew that what we were about to do was going to be painful. Now as a masochist I should of been looking forward to that but I found myself becoming quite fearful. He recognized this in me but he wasn't about to let a little thing called fear throw us off track. He massaged my back and spoke gently to me. He told me to do some deep breathing and prepare my head. Once he had got me in the right head space I was fine and the end result was beautiful. It made me realize that sometimes I fear what I desire. Does this happen to others? Maria In the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt......"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself" interestingly he also made this remark "Confidence.... thrives on honesty, on honour, on the scaredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.Without them it can not live " Within any Master/Mistress /Dom/Domme and sub or slave relationship those are pretty good qualities to identify with and have

allthatjaz -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:28:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilacPromise quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz Do you ever get really nervous when you know that your dominant is going to deal with you? I have to admit that with certain things I get myself really in state. The other night I knew that what we were about to do was going to be painful. Now as a masochist I should of been looking forward to that but I found myself becoming quite fearful. He recognized this in me but he wasn't about to let a little thing called fear throw us off track. He massaged my back and spoke gently to me. He told me to do some deep breathing and prepare my head. Once he had got me in the right head space I was fine and the end result was beautiful. It made me realize that sometimes I fear what I desire. Does this happen to others? Maria In the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt......"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself" interestingly he also made this remark "Confidence.... thrives on honesty, on honour, on the scaredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.Without them it can not live " Within any Master/Mistress /Dom/Domme and sub or slave relationship those are pretty good qualities to identify with and have This is also a Buddhist philosophy. They also believe you can turn pain into a positive instead of a negative. I am able to do this. I practice pure meditation and I can put myself in a place where I fear nothing and feel very little pain but it becomes very insular. An example of this is when I was suspended on shark hooks. I wasn't doing this for anyone else but myself and to get to a place where I could do it I needed to meditate myself into a beautiful place. With each hook that slid in it felt like a barrier had just been broken down and the pull of the hooks on my flesh felt like a re-birth. I was photographed through the whole experience and on each of those pictures I have a tranquil smile. I can also go to this place when I take extreme pain over a period of time from my partner. Some may call it sub space but for me it is a moving away from what is actually happening, its disconnecting. I often have to try and stop myself from doing that because I want to remain connected. I recently wrote a journal regarding a scene and in it I wrote, 'I thought about life and very briefly I thought about death. I saw the ocean and it was the most beautiful blue and I watched as the reflection of the stars bounced off its ripples. I saw twinkling lights along the shore line and I began to swim towards them. The one thing that is clear here is, I was no longer with him. I was suddenly out on my own and thats not a place I want to go to but sometimes I just can't help it.

allthatjaz -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:30:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Apprehension is a pretty common theme for me, sometimes it gives an edge to the experiance sometimes it is a more drastic fear. People are afraid of the unknown. I am terrified of much that I desire becuase I am so sure that I know what I want the idea of it going wrong or not being enjoyable is something that I worry about quite a bit. Of course that makes it all the more sweeter when I discover that I havent suddenly changed and actually I still feel safe. You are right when you say people fear the unknown and I think this is the problem for me. I'm glad I'm not the only person who worries about things going wrong[:)]

DesFIP -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:31:16 AM)
Fear of what's coming quickly turns into overwhelming anxiety for me. I can handle things better if I don't know they're coming, and that includes not seeing a scary implement. I find blindfolds a great thing.

T1981 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:33:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Fear of what's coming quickly turns into overwhelming anxiety for me. I can handle things better if I don't know they're coming, and that includes not seeing a scary implement. I find blindfolds a great thing. Same here. The singular session that broke through the vast majority of holds for me came because I didn't know what was going to happen next. It made it easier to just squelch down the fear and do it rather than anticipate the dread....made a huge difference. I'm absolutely positive if I had known beforehand I wouldn't have been able to get through even half of what I did.

allthatjaz -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:40:00 AM)
I want to thank you all because your just reassuring me that this is perfectly normal and by the sound of it very common. I was starting to think I was becoming a wuss!

Aileen1968 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:48:10 AM)
There is no better feeling than fear wrapped up in excitement. The combo of the two leads to such intense times with him. It's never a sense of fear from worrying that he'll hurt me. It's fear of just not knowing what he's going to do to me and whether I'll be able to take it. But then again he likes it when I cry.... I would be so bored if I didn't have that fear pumping up the heart rate.

allthatjaz -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 5:59:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 There is no better feeling than fear wrapped up in excitement. The combo of the two leads to such intense times with him. It's never a sense of fear from worrying that he'll hurt me. It's fear of just not knowing what he's going to do to me and whether I'll be able to take it. But then again he likes it when I cry.... I would be so bored if I didn't have that fear pumping up the heart rate. Oh I totally agree and the kind of fear where I am gripping onto his legs and pleading with him, have mascara running down my face from my pitiful cries and my entire body is shaking really gets him off and me too when I think about it later but this is more about before he starts and all the negative fears I have.

Aileen1968 -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 6:10:03 AM)
I like the anticipation of knowing that I'll be seeing him especially if he hints to what he has in mind. Rarely does it ever follow what he has planned because we tend to go with the flow, but it does put me on edge every single minute...I pace, my brain goes fuzzy, I ramble. Kind of like what I'm doing right now. I can't relate to the negative fear concept...I've only had positive fear with him, if there is such a thing.

agirl -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 6:21:11 AM)
I fear anything that involves pain.......that means I spend a lot of time with fear....lol From experience I know that it's not necessarily better than when it's actually occuring but different from the fear of it. agirl

allthatjaz -> RE: fear of what I desire (1/29/2009 6:24:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I fear anything that involves pain.......that means I spend a lot of time with fear....lol From experience I know that it's not necessarily better than when it's actually occuring but different from the fear of it. agirl Yes exactly! I think it also very much depends on your mindset. Just lately I have been so emotional over other stuff and its made me self protective.

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