Nilla Partners

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LadyMedusa -> Nilla Partners (1/29/2009 3:40:29 AM)
For those in vanilla relationships, how do you live with a vanilla partner, and still be a Domme/Mistress? Does he or she know there is a part of you, that is not "just plain normal", as my best friend (who knows) puts it? I am dealing with this in My own life, and wonder how anyone else does it. He thinks it is about a bisexual relationship and friendship with this girl. I have not corrected him on the assumption. I tend to have my time with kelaine when he is working, so he doesn't see that aspect of it all. I once asked him what he thought of being a little more kinky in our own personal relationship, and got the impression he doesn't want to go that far. It makes me a bit sad that I feel like I have to hide some little part of my personality from him, but what else can I do... sighs.

chezzy71 -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/29/2009 3:50:32 AM)
Lady M...i have been down this road before.The difference was i was married to a nilla partner who knew about my interest in the lifestyle and my fetishes.i tried to communicate my feelings and of course made the mistake of trying to change her.it doesn't work.i do hope better luck for you though.

housesub4you -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/29/2009 4:26:01 AM)
wife is nilla, she has known about my interest in this lifestyle since we met. I did not attempt to force anything on her and she is well aware of all my activities. This did not happen over night, it took years and she knows family will always come first.

Akalashi -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/29/2009 6:38:34 AM)
My husband has always known about my interests and the interest I have in D/s activities. We tried a few of them out between the two of us first and they did absolutely nothing for him. I told him that our marriage came first so no matter what, it's not like he'd ever be put on the back burner. We decided, together, that for me to be happiest, I was going to need someone that I can own and control, and so we opened up our marriage. In return, he's allowed to have a girlfriend (or more than one if he chooses) and he can either keep her a secret part of his life if he wishes or he can introduce her to me. In our relationship, he knows my boy and the two of them are very close. His first girlfriend was actually a friend of mine, so that went over rather well also. So far, this arrangement has been working for us and I expect that it will continue to work for us, but part of that is due to having a wonderful, understanding partner.

beeble -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/31/2009 9:10:09 AM)
quote: LadyMedusa wrote: It makes me a bit sad that I feel like I have to hide some little part of my personality from him, but what else can I do... sighs. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like something you have to hide from him, just something that you probably won't be able to share an interest in. Just as he, to take a horribly stereotypical example, wouldn't have to hide an interest in baseball from you, even if it wasn't your cup of tea. (I grant that D/s is a rather more fundamental part of one's personality than a liking for some random sport.) beeble.

lateralist1 -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/31/2009 12:49:08 PM)
It takes time, patience, good communication and trust to build and maintain any good relationship. It's taken me 15 years to be able to be honest with my vanilla husband about who I am. He now accepts my dominant personality and my kinky nature. If I find my submissive BDSM partner I expect my husband to be as supportive of my chosen lifestyle as I am of his.

BondageBarbieX -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/31/2009 2:29:11 PM)
I have never been in a vanilla relationship

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/31/2009 6:21:16 PM)
Hi. I had a vanilla relationship but I made him my slave and he's been my slave ever since so it turned out great. I guess for others I'd say trying being upfront about what your doing because life is too short. You don't want to hurt anyone or waste anyone's time. Hope this helps.

HardToTame -> RE: Nilla Partners (1/31/2009 11:50:30 PM)
My girlfriend is well, I dont know. She acts vanilla but then every now and again something slips during "the momment" and I think to myself "she has very slave like tendancies" and that shits me because, I wanna be the slave :( But I think she gets the picture. She does little mean things on purpose just to, but, with a smile. That worries me. I think shes becoming stronger in herself and in the process will make me her bitch :D .. I hope so, shes really pretty :D

4u2spoil -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/1/2009 9:43:28 AM)
I find it easier to talk about the personality aspects before jumping into the kink. I'll tell someone that I enjoy taking the lead in a lot of situations, that I'm open minded and like to try different things and take it from there. I also say that I really enjoy guys that enjoy pleasing a woman. Even if the guy doesn't identify as submissive or want to take it too much further, I find it helps with understanding the motivation

MistressXahDee -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/1/2009 11:10:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMedusa For those in vanilla relationships, how do you live with a vanilla partner, and still be a Domme/Mistress? Does he or she know there is a part of you, that is not "just plain normal", as my best friend (who knows) puts it? I am dealing with this in My own life, and wonder how anyone else does it. He thinks it is about a bisexual relationship and friendship with this girl. I have not corrected him on the assumption. I tend to have my time with kelaine when he is working, so he doesn't see that aspect of it all. I once asked him what he thought of being a little more kinky in our own personal relationship, and got the impression he doesn't want to go that far. It makes me a bit sad that I feel like I have to hide some little part of my personality from him, but what else can I do... sighs. I'm going to have to get back to this...have a class just now.

LadyMedusa -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/1/2009 3:39:52 PM)
WOW, so many responses. I have noticed, as he gets older that my husband is "just not that into it " anymore. perhaps he would be open to me having a girl around more often ... I just would love to open his eyes a bit more and spank her ass in front of him, just to see his reaction to that one!... grins

MistressXahDee -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/1/2009 5:32:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMedusa For those in vanilla relationships, how do you live with a vanilla partner, and still be a Domme/Mistress? Does he or she know there is a part of you, that is not "just plain normal", as my best friend (who knows) puts it? I am dealing with this in My own life, and wonder how anyone else does it. He thinks it is about a bisexual relationship and friendship with this girl. I have not corrected him on the assumption. I tend to have my time with kelaine when he is working, so he doesn't see that aspect of it all. I once asked him what he thought of being a little more kinky in our own personal relationship, and got the impression he doesn't want to go that far. It makes me a bit sad that I feel like I have to hide some little part of my personality from him, but what else can I do... sighs. sending you a message

CatdeMedici -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/1/2009 7:20:06 PM)
I don't, because of the way I am, it would feel like cheating, so I hold out for what completes Me, and its a committed submissive--otherwise--I will remain as I am--alone.

HardToTame -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/1/2009 11:05:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 4u2spoil I find it easier to talk about the personality aspects before jumping into the kink. I'll tell someone that I enjoy taking the lead in a lot of situations, that I'm open minded and like to try different things and take it from there. I also say that I really enjoy guys that enjoy pleasing a woman. Even if the guy doesn't identify as submissive or want to take it too much further, I find it helps with understanding the motivation Thats what I do but, from the reverse perspective. She knows she can control me and I think now she's starting to like it, even if it's because she knows I do. We're lucky like that, we basically live for eachother in every way. She makes me want to be like, not so much her submissive, more her protector. I like the idea that, even though she's not domineering, she's captivated me so much that, NOT living those submissive fantasies, going through THAT torcher for her, is kind of like, the ultimate punishment. The ultimate endurance. Because I think when a sub is getting his ass paddled for the most part, he'll say he doesn't like it, or say what evers required for the mistress but really his cocks probably harder than his head and could sexplode at any minute. I know if I was in that situation I would, and so, yeah, being denied that situation is kind of, the irony of it all. But the sex is out of this world :D If mistresses knew how good I was at pleasuring the vanilla universe they'd turn to mush, and I'D RULE THE BONDAGE UNIVERSE MUAAHAHHAHAHAHA :D No, I'm joking :D

MistressRouge -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/2/2009 1:38:50 AM)
I am vanilla mainly at home with my Switch fianc'e, yet indulge in my passion for BDSM and fetishes, professional and lifestyle, however not day to day in my personal relationship, we do have kinks but not fullblown BDSM. I attend BDSM clubs/events with my partner too, so he also shares in my involvement on the scene, unless I attend with any of my slave's. It would not be fair on a submissive partner, my being a professional also and playing with other clients for money, aswell as my lifestyle slave's. A relationship partnership/ life-partner or other half, I prefer a 50/50 vanilla relationship. An equal, in the common sense, he is my rock, my adviser, however I do hold the reins in our relationship regarding important decisions, so yes, I do wear the trousers, he loves it that way. My partner is aware and in a genuine way accepts my lifestyle and what I do for a living, aswell as my freetime with my lifestyle slave's etc. If I had a submissive partner, I feel it would cause more concern, maybe jealously, with my being a Pro-Domme. Maybe that special bond of our D/s personal relationship may have a submissive partner feeling constantly under threat, with my career, and in an unfaithful light, playing/sessions with other subs/slaves/masochists etc. My choice to have a vanilla relationship works better for me at home, in my personal life overall, especially my being a mother, a 24/7 personal D/s, BDSM relationship is not possible for me personally, however I do own lifestyle slave's also, that he is fully aware of, and has met them all. The balance really works for me, my kink and sadism and career is happy, my partner is very aware and supports me. I need the balance to switch off from my Domination, to relax, recoup at home, then give it my all day to day at the office [:)]

LadyPact -> RE: Nilla Partners (2/2/2009 2:34:33 AM)
My other half was vanilla for quite a while when I got back into the lifestyle. He was that other half that supported Me, went to all of the events and just hung out, came along on all of My play dates, etc. When he did develop an interest of his own, it was as a Top, not as a sub. So, even though he did acquire an interest, it kept our life at home pretty much vanilla, with no D/s between us. I think having him come along to so many things and having him as a direct observer with My interactions with others helped a great deal. He was used to having the progression happen naturally in My D/s dynamics. He was right there for negotiations, play, and all of the other things that most vanilla partners miss. Not all spouses are willing to do that, but I would suggest it for anyone who is fortunate enough to have someone do that much.

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