Responsibilities of a Master/Partner

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LilacPromise -> Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 11:31:09 AM)
There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.

Mel12261981 -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 1:07:10 PM)
100 people have read this and NO ONE has an opinion? Shame on you! If the Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship flows over into a vanilla relationship then there is really no different expectations then that of any other boyfriend or husband, or girlfriend or wife. The only difference is what got them together, if it was fishing that brought them together you wouldn't expect either partner to bait the others line, give up fishing or start fishing with different people. If the couple was together and stumbled into BDSM in their own rights together, then it is like any other thing that a couple shares. In short there really is no added responsibility that is to be assigned in my opinion with a bdsm relationship incorperates vanilla into it or vise versa. I however have to admit, once bdsm and vanilla tied into one another for me, I was far more intune with my husband and his needs then most of the other wives I knew, and he was by far more affectionate, proud and intune with my then most of the husbands I knew. Just my opinion there. Why didn't you put down your thoughts on the matter? You almost have to have an opinion if you posed the question.

Demspotis -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 1:36:55 PM)
Every relationship is unique; and the responsibilities in any relationship depend on many different things. They can perhaps be divided into social and individual things: some are dictated or just assumed based on the standards of a society or a subculture (for example, if someone is aligned with one or another ideology or subculture in the bdsm world, or any other that includes some kind of D/s dynamic); and others come from purely individual values and traits, including and especially emotions. The opinions of others with whom we are not in some way connected really don't matter. What is really important is to know how the people we get involved with understand the responsibilities of the partners in a relationship. It is reasonable to consider that different kinds of relationships might give different responsibilities, but it's not definite, because of the many variables. The variable of emotion is most likely to change things, including a person's perception of their own responsibilities toward the other person. It could change a hypothetical D/s relationship from one of exploitation (whether benign or malign) to one of nurturing, for example. On the other hand, some people consider that there is a responsibility to be nurturing to those under their dominance. That's my stance, and I recommend it to others. I call this principle "dominance oblige", punning on the traditional ideal of "noblesse oblige", the responsibility of nobility to care for and protect those under them. ~Demspotis

DesFIP -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 2:07:09 PM)
Every relationship is different. For us, the health and well being of the relationship comes first. Which means that as he knows I'm not bi, forcing me to have sex with another woman is something that he won't do. Since he knows it would cause irreparable harm to the relationship. Someone who doesn't much care if you stay with him won't accept your limits, they want what they want and if it destroys the relationship afterwards - well, so be it.

T1981 -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 2:14:58 PM)
Responsibilities: Do no permanent harm (includes emotional and spiritual) If there are limits, respect them. Push when given permission to (this was one of the hardest things at first, as my husband just didn't know how to push and it frustrated us both for some time, as I needed to be pushed) Be a decent person Know your aftercare ....that sort of thing

SteelofUtah -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 2:42:56 PM)
Every couple of months someone gets on this Responsibility Kick. Op Forgive me as you are about to get a LOT of information that isn't directed at you but rather at the concept of what it is that you have asked. Lets get something straight. There are NO rules in BDSM. Even the Basic "Protect Life" although a give in for most is NOT A RULE. Case in Point is SlaveMaster who killed 6 women under the guise of BDSM. Once one has accepted this it is easy to understand that NO MATTER WHAT there are different strokes for different folks. No matter how many times you ask the question you will get a different answer because what BDSM is, cannot be defined in words that are definded by words. BDSM as a LIFESTYLE takes on as many forms as there are fetishes and trust me that's higher than I can count with or without my shoes on. So what are the Responsibilities in a BDSM Relationship? Same as in a Vanilla Relationship. The Problem I have is all too often this question is asked when a slave is tired of being the only one doing dishes or taking out the trash, so someone wants someone else to say that a responsibility to the orther party is equal share or that a Master should help with the housework and in a perfect world yes that is what would happen but you know what some people are Lazy and don't want to do shit and when they have a slave they expect them to do the things that they don't want to. Someone I respect a whole bunch made a comment that I have since Adopted as it makes so much sence it isn't even funny. I prioritize my life based on Wants and Needs and I define the priority as such The slaves NEEDS come First My NEEDS come Next My WANTS come Next The slaves WANTS come Last This is SO SIMPLISTIC that ANYONE can follow it. The Problem comes in teaching your slave the difference between wants and needs. My RESPONSIBILITY to my slave is to make sure her NEEDS are met. So that you know my slave is also my Wife so this applies to your question. However what I do on any given day to help her or what I expect of her change with my mood. Some days I require very little and I am happy otther days I require much and I expect it done. As long as I have given her what she needs to do as I request then I have met my responsibility to her. Truth of the matter is this works about 95% of the time and 5% of the time I need to guide her to what I expect. Steel

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 2:46:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilacPromise There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships. The responsabilites of a Partner vary depending on the relationship and the other partner. Things like that have nothing to do with the lifestyle, simply the people involved. DV

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 2:48:06 PM)
For me personally I wouldn't take on a Dom, who wasn't my partner, We either have a full complete relationship or he's not going to dom me. However that being said, I guess it depends on the relationship. It's different for everybody. quote: ORIGINAL: LilacPromise There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.

MasterTslave -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 3:40:01 PM)
My Master is also my husband. We started out as a vanilla relationship...Master T was into BDSM for many years before I knew him...I was open to all kinds of kink...so he told me he liked to "tie up women and have sex with them" and wanted to know if I was interested in that (this was before we had ever had sex or kissed)...I told him that I was open to anything and he started training me... I would say that there are no rules as to responsibilities...other than normal household things...so a little vanilla mixed in with bdsm lifestyle. As another post said...there are no rules for BDSM...whatever floats your boat.

IrishMist -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/29/2009 3:41:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilacPromise There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships. Responsibility IS responsibility. I don't try and seperate it into neat little cubby holes.

BitaTruble -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/30/2009 2:20:04 AM)
~FR~ Pretty much we are both responsible for being true to our natures. He's the caretaker of the power, needs are prioritzed and what's most important comes first regardless of who needs what. Wants, desires, whims and fancies are on his schedule so sometimes that means I get what I want, when I want and sometimes I don't. He usually gets what he wants when he wants, but not always since he still hasn't quite Mastered the outside universe, just the private one we dwell within together. We both submit to circumstances beyond our control and I'm a bit more adaptable in that department than Himself but I'm pretty good at keeping an even keel for him in those times. Not perfect, but pretty good. The husband/wife thing is more of an aside than anything else and doesn't play into our personal dynamic too much except I get to do some extra stuff because we're married that otherwise would have been more difficult.. like move with him to Portugal.

sujuguete -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/30/2009 4:01:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah The slaves NEEDS come First My NEEDS come Next My WANTS come Next The slaves WANTS come Last Steel, I like this! To the OP, why would a marriage make a difference in the level of responsibility? To me, it seems the level of responsibility taken on by the Dom is directly related to the amount of control he/she takes from the sub. The more control released by the s, the more responsibility falls on the D, whether they are married or just occasional play partners or somewhere in between.

IronBear -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/30/2009 6:55:42 AM)
On a general basis, I don’t see my responsibilities to a slave I own as being much different to those responsibilities to my two dogs. Legally she owns toe girl and I own the boy but we both take care of them because I delegated the care and feeding etc to Lady Neets and myself which is what it is with slaves owned by Bruin Cottage. A slave personally owned by me is my responsibility as long as I am home. I accept on collaring a slave, full responsibility for: her well being (including safety), care, health, further education, training, discipline, maintaining an open channel of communications for all situations in which she can speak freely after asking to do so. Ensuring that there are clearly written Home Rules, Standing Orders, special orders, and that she understands them. I am also responsible for her uniforms and other clothing requirements. Remember as my slave I own her and she is the property of Bruin Cottage of which I am the head, or she is my personal property. Such things as her daily tasks and any BDSM play or behavior in public or when there are guests present, do not come under the auspices of this thread.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/30/2009 9:32:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilacPromise There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships. All relationships are different, of course, and the answer will vary depending upon how the couple collectively defines "slave". In my view, a preexisting intimate partnership of affection dilutes and complicates the pursuit of slavery. If lover came before slave, lover trumps slave in many ways. I say this due to the rigid way I define slave and the strict expectations inherent within it which often don't mix well with "lover". This is not to say I believe lover and slave can't exist equally on the same plane. Rather, it requires some very interesting math from both parties—math that is excruciatingly rare and difficult for most to implement realistically.

LilacPromise -> RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner (1/30/2009 9:37:12 AM)
Thank you all who took the time to post replies. Appologies if I pulled up an old thread with my question. This interested me, as I personally see that if two people are in a Master/sub relationship and also within a relationship be it B/f / g/f or Husband/wife there are no different responsibilities - infact I could not be in a BDSM relationship with someone outside of a Partnership relationship. I feel the two very much blend together enhancing each other. Lilac

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