RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (Full Version)

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4u2spoil -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 5:04:37 AM)

I like being guided at gift time. Especially for guys. My grandfather has never played golf, and likes things that I would never pick out. Unless he refuses to tell me what he wants as a gift, I always get whatever it is that he wants rather than something someone else has deemed a good "guy" gift, or something good for readers, or whatever interest he may have.

It's not that I don't know him, or that he hates my self thought gifts, but if he wants something specific I'm much happier to know that he'll love what I get for him than to know it's something that may make it out of the closet once a year.



LaTigresse -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 6:48:18 AM)

Yes, and in my family there are always wish lists. When I begin Xmas shopping I request them, especially from my adult son. For both he and his two boys. My daughter is easier but I still ask...."Is there something special you want?"

So, they get what they asked for AND, something/s I suprise them with. Sometimes my "surprises" are a big hit, like this year, other times.........not so much so.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 7:22:50 AM)

The money-and-relationship theme on this board is spawning more drama than the race threads.  I'm wondering if it's a sign of the bad economy.  People are worried about finances, and maybe what they "hear" is that if they lose their job, they'll lose all chance of being loved, as well.  Meaning life is over.

With so much emotion, I think more is going on than just a philosophical discussion.



Lockit -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 7:49:50 AM)

I agree Red... I see far more to this and am not sure it is the economy alone.



LaTigresse -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 7:56:04 AM)

Red that is a good point. I was thinking about it on my drive up this morning.

Take some over sensitivity, add some blunt sarcastic unsensitivity, and all hell breaks loose.

Edited to add.......I think a lot of it is the economy and state of the world right now. I have had more weird bitchy customers, people complaining about prices, quantities, just really strange things, in the last week........than in the rest of the 7+ years I've been here.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 8:15:22 AM)

Am I the only one dumbstruck by all the pessimism and hopelessness due to this crisis? I mean sure it's hard, we're losting jobs etc.etc. but it's not going to last forever. Some have even lived 2 crises in their lives, it's a situation that comes and goes and is probably inevitable and it'll probably strike again in my (and many other ppls on here) lifetime



LaTigresse -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 8:25:18 AM)

No, you are not the only one. I am feeling very fortunate and optimistic myself.

Besides, I've been dirt poor and was quite happy. My life will not end if I should ever end up in the same position.



ShaktiSama -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 8:26:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

With so much emotion, I think more is going on than just a philosophical discussion.



Money has always been a locus of power between men and women, and one in which men have traditionally enjoyed a very privileged position.  This discussion/debate has always been a major theme on this particular forum, because heterosexual female dominance challenges a lot of traditional bastions of privilege in our society.  *shrug*



LaTigresse -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 8:36:20 AM)

This is very true.

Then you have sex, which is also power. And when smart women began figuring out that you could use the power of sex to exchange it for the power of money.

All hell broke loose.

Men don't want to lose their power, and neither do the women. So, they cloak the power exchange in more palatable terms. But the merchandise and power exchange still exist. I believe it always will.



DeepSouth -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 8:10:06 PM)

I am very glad I did post this thread. I have learned alot about this lifestyle and about people in general from all the responses. I am fairly new to bdsm so reading all the posts on here has been an eye opening experience for me. I hope the way I worded it did not rub anyone the wrong way. That was not my intention. Financial stability is important in any long term relationship. I know that for sure. You probably won't have a real good time if you are totally broke always. No one would want a deadbeat for a sub or even for a Domme. Thanks for the great responses.



LadyPact -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/5/2009 10:42:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaVenus

Guys EXPECT you to have ALL of that Pro or Amateur.
They EXPECT you to send them good quality pictures.
They EXPECT you to look like you just stepped out of a porn movie in the photos.
They EXPECT your body to be flawless
They EXPECT you to not look a day over 21
They EXPECT you to have pretty outfits
They EXPECT you to have a fully equipped Dungeon!

Again... there are different kinds of Mistresses.... Some just put on a black sweater in the back of their trailer and slap men and call themselves a Domme....Others try to do everything that is EXPECTED of them with the HIGHEST STANDARDS and Quality!!!.... and all that costs a FORTUNE! Someone has got to contribute to all of that or otherwise it is a money losing venture for a Domme and no one can stay involved

I know I'm days old in this comment, but I couldn't resist.

I happen to be one of those folks who does the leather, the corsets, the boots, etc.  I don't do all of that because it's what anyone expects, wants or needs.  I do it for Me.  I do it because that is the way I want to dress when I do to an event.  It has nothing to do with who expects what.  Now, if that is My preference, how do I put that on someone else?



Wickad -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/6/2009 8:14:11 AM)

Agreed LadyPact!

I like the boots and the corsets and the make-up .... well, sometimes -lol. Sometimes I like to hang out in my metaphoric bunny slippers and jammies too. In both cases I'm still a Dominant and I still expect my slave (well, when I had one - lol) to serve. A slave's service is not dependent on the way I dress and my Dominance is not dependent on what a slave expects - lol.

The biggest problem I have with the quoted passage is that the person in question bases their Dominance on external stimulus rather than on internal definition.

Wickad



MistressAinCT -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/6/2009 11:04:46 AM)

I posted another thread about the economy affecting D/s relationships and I think that applies here as well.  It isn't that most of us WANT a financially exceptional slave (although that does have its merit!) we want someone who isn't a sponge.  I already have that with members of My family, thanks.

All I ask is that you are responsible for yourself whether it be financial-make your own rent/mortgage-or your health or your employment.  I can't afford not do I want a live in.  I state that clearly in My profile.

Gifts? Yes, who doesn't enjoy them?  I think if a Domme expects and demands more than you can offer, its time to leave that person.  But if you are also very stingy or frugal (think of George Costanza from "Seinfeld") I will show you the door.  I don't expect someone to go broke over Me or live beyond his or My means, but I would like to know that he doesn't have to sell his blood or sperm (heheheh..I can hear the jokes now...) to make ends meet.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/6/2009 3:21:13 PM)

Indeed you may be on to something Red.    I was just watching Fast Money on CNBC, where Melissa was hosting in place of the usual Dillan; she mentioned a pop in the markets has been people supplementing their incomes; specifically, more women turning to "dominatrix" work at a dungeon.   All the guys on the show began smirking, and looking guilty. [:)]   M



LadyConstanze -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/6/2009 3:52:54 PM)

Well, it gets a bit old to be approached by subs who want to live in your basement forever while you feed them and care for them...

Personally I would be not interested in a very needy sub, emotionally and financially.

Let me put it this way, most subs want a Domme who's in shape, one who's got equipment and fetish clothes, perfect manicure and pedicure, perfect makeup.... Well, here's a surprise, those things do cost and why should the Domme pay for all of them?



MistressAinCT -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/6/2009 4:02:59 PM)

Amen, LadyCostanze!  Well said!



PeonForHer -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/6/2009 5:30:19 PM)

[Hello Lady C, good to see you again . . .  I do not recall receiving your request for leave of absence and this disappoints me.  Some oversight, perhaps?]

Equipment and fetish clothes - I can see the argument that a sub should share the cost of those things - but pedicures, manicures and make up?  And gym fees?  Some of us chaps like to stay in shape too.  We do make the odd, tiny bit of effort to look presentable to you dommies.  I use a gym, too.  And, what about the costs of my toothpaste, soap, razor blades and deodorant?  I can spend up to a fiver a month on that kind of thing.  Only yesterday I had to buy a new pair of scissors for snipping off unsightly nasal hairs.  The costs mount up, you know.






LadyConstanze -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/7/2009 9:50:17 AM)

Oh dear, I shall ask next time if I can take time off for such mundane things like work and personal matters ;)

As for maintenance and all that, it's a lot more expensive if you're a woman, we could discuss now how much your last waxing was, the differences in price between a male haircut and a female one, etc. Of course we get those things also for ourselves, but subs tend to be quite fussy about how we look, it takes time and money to have all that done.

Most people want a partner who's financially secure, else the partner will be a burden. I can't imagine that anybody is actively looking for a person who's a bum, we all want somebody with a bit of a drive. Additionally, being a top can be quite exhausting, not that it's not rewarding at the same time, but as the sub you can let go, the top has to have the concentration and the skills, the skills don't just "happen", you work hard for them and show determination, so wanting a partner/sub who also has some determination and shows that he can at least keep his finances in order. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I seriously wouldn't be interested in a sub who expects me to foot all the costs and try to sort his finances out on top of it all. Most people who reached some success in their lives tend to be more balanced than people who just glide through life without any aim.



PeonForHer -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/7/2009 10:59:36 AM)

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I seriously wouldn't be interested in a sub who expects me to foot all the costs and try to sort his finances out on top of it all.

No, I don't think you're in the minority.  If I were to see a partner (yep, that's my new word for 'domina'!) being strained - emotionally, physically, financially - then I'd begin to feel that strain too.  I should think that there are other subs out there who feel the same way.

As for the costs of female clothing, grooming, etc, etc, etc - all I can say is: hideous.  I've never spent more than a tenner on haircut.   You could pay for a weekend in Paris for what many women shell out at the hairdresser's.  I cannot speak about the cost of waxing my legs, but I somehow feel that one day I'll find out all about that in possibly the most painful of ways. 



LadyConstanze -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/7/2009 11:09:43 AM)

I wax your legs for free ;)

But what I was getting at is, that a lot of subs expect an awful lot when it comes to a woman being attractive - heck, scratch sub, make that men in general (overweight guy with bad breath and missing teeth will still think he deserves a model), and we should always be well turned out, not just clean but stylish and perfectly groomed too, hell, it does cost and it only seems fair that if somebody wants something that they contribute, or else they have to put up with us just shaving our legs and deal with possible stubble ;)



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