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julietsierra -> RE: a little bird in a blizzard (1/31/2009 8:07:33 AM)
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Warm baths, even warmer and caring friends, activities that occupy your mind and your body so that you don't dwell but are able to put things in perspective. Family, a good dog, cat, bird, salamander..(sorry - the point is whatever will make you feel good and offer you comfort), a good book (my preference when I'm sad is NO ROMANCE NOVELS), soduko puzzles, (STEP AWAY FROM THE REFRIGERATOR). walks, shovel snow - TRY to appreciate how much there is, how it's drifted (if you need help in this regard, I have a driveway that'll offer you for free), etc. trees, eggs, eggs thrown against trees (it really does work!), lots and lots of tears until you're cried out and have nothing to do but realize you are moving on. Nail polish applied by a nail tech as you're splurging on the pedicure, manicure, "just this once" (be careful though, there ought to be a notice on these places of business warning against their addictive qualities), shopping WITHOUT a credit card, good music played loud, loud music played well (and sometimes that's a stretch),
And in addition to all these options, take a long hard look at what you were doing in terms of service. Start there and develop your own rituals that can both remind you of who you are and that you're becoming a better person every day.
Get dressed - every single morning - even when you see no reason to.
Eat nutritius meals - even when the chips and chocolate sound absolutely and profoundly healthy
Walk a mile every day. Then, make it two, and if need be, three.
Buy a workout tape.
Take a walk through your neighborhood and find other people who are also laid off. Have coffee. Make a new friend. Network
Take your rituals and do the exact opposite - just to see what it feels like (initially, it'll feel horrible. Later it should feel better, till eventually, the rituals you did engage in that made no sense feel silly - THEN you know you're on the road to recovery.
As you move through the steps of grieving:
Call your master names - just not in public, that's kind of tacky, not to mention it gives you a bad name. String them together and make up new words. Laugh at the words you've created. Sing that Chumbawumba song over and over and over again: "I get knocked down, but I get up again, Aint never gonna keep me down!" Breathe deep and BELLOW it.
If you're a country western music fan, try Tammy Wynette's song "Down to my Last Tear Drop" (the line "I've been rearranging chairs on a ship that's going down" were particularly profound when I was grieving the loss of my marriage), if you have children, hug them - often. Sing nursery rhymes, play leggos, immerse yourself in the business of appreciating childhood play and how good that makes you feel.
and later - much later:
Start to think of the things you learned from this person. I'm not saying cry more, even though you will. I'm not saying look to replace, even though that will cross your mind too, but seriously THINK of what he and you did together and the lessons you learned from it all. Analyze - this means as dispassionately as you can - what really worked for you and what didn't. Consider what he's taught you of the things you want in your life and what you don't want. Make some solid plans as to how to get those things.
And even later than that... venture out when you're ready.
How long this all takes you is entirely an individual thing with the only common theme being time. Time is what you need and even if you don't want it, time is what your body, your psyche and your emotions are going to demand. It's ok to take that time.
juliet
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