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RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 1/31/2009 2:24:30 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		The break up was very recent.Sometimes Dominants use silence as a way to punish and hurt  the sub...I would give it a few days and try to make contant one again.Good luck.

(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 1/31/2009 5:00:52 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Better lonely with no owner or collar than owned, collared, abused and miserable. Nobody says it'll be easy. It's not, but it is worth it. The really good things generally don't come easy. You are more apt to appreciate what you have to work for to get. Work on you, grieve and heal, then think about meeting someone again.

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(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 1/31/2009 5:09:22 PM   
BigDirty


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX

The break up was very recent.Sometimes Dominants use silence as a way to punish and hurt  the sub...I would give it a few days and try to make contant one again.Good luck.


I would not do that.  What you should do it go ahead and get back into your life, you have a time of pain and misunderstanding.  Once you get through that, make sure to take the time for yourself and get back to you.  If your MASTER wants to come back, he will, let him make the decision to contact you.  If he wants to, he will, if not, then it is simple.  Either way, GOOD LUCK

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 1/31/2009 5:53:30 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi, and gentle hugs to you lilah. It is a hard moment in your life and you are going to hurt. One thing to keep in mind is you are not the only one that encountered this, and there will be others after you that will seek your guidance.

Though my situation is differernt, I too have lived through this fear. After 29 years of marriage, I was left a widow. I ended up in a strange place, strange state with only knowing one person, my mother. That was 3 and half years ago, and I made it. Everyday you got to remind yourself you are worth making it, and do something constructive for yourself. You have to become discipline for yourself and no one else. You have to build yourself back up and one day you will fly.

Yes being without a collar or a wedding band can make you feel so lonely and isolated, but it is also an opportunity to become something beyond where you are now. You have received a lot of great advice here, so I will not add anything on that part. Just know you will make it, because you choose to learn to fly again.

oceanwynds

(in reply to BigDirty)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/1/2009 4:10:06 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333

Ah,,but life is so empty without an owner and a collar!


It may seem so, but until THE right owner and you find each other, you may be doomed to repeat this experience.

Don't be in a hurry to find someone to fill the apparent void in your life. Beware of predators who only want to take advantage of you . There has been much good advice given to you in this thread. Take it to heart. Work on making yourself happy regardless of your relationship status and , yes, get a job...any job to survive, if you have to.

Humor and a sense of "rebellion" is also healthy. Since doing the opposite of former required rituals seems fun and tickles your funny bone, keep doing that. Take "him" down off the pedestal on which you put him.

Also remember, a good man, whether he is  dominant or vanilla, will be more drawn to a healthy, happy woman who is not needy or dependent...that is, a healthy man who will treat you with the respect that you deserve and not simply use you, then walk away without so much as an explanation.

Oh, and sing this song at least once a day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv6lHwWwO3w


< Message edited by cjan -- 2/1/2009 4:14:18 AM >

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(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/1/2009 4:21:45 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333

Ah,,but life is so empty without an owner and a collar!
what would you say/think if a friend said the vanilla version of this: Ah, but life is so empty without a husband and a wedding ring?

I know what i would say to her: she does not need a partner/ring to be fulfilled.


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(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/1/2009 4:30:25 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333
Ah,,but life is so empty without an owner and a collar!


You said that you kept up with your life...even if you did let some of your hobbies slip. If that is true then I can not understand that feeling. I have spent most of my life in long term relationships...however I also spent 5 years alone. I did that on purpose because I wanted some time to really get to know me. I can not think of even one moment though during that time that I felt like "life was empty". As a matter of fact, it took some doing to work someone into my life again because life was full. I think that you need to do whatever you need to do to erase that kind of thinking from your head.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/1/2009 1:12:34 PM   
Interesdom


Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333
I have Spent MONTHS in training to be his devoted slave.  My daily routine has been nothing but tasks and rituals to train this girls mind to becoming his property.

Now, what will I do? My mind is so fixed on this that I am hysterical on a spiritual level....

Every owner requires different service from their slave.  Nevertheless, a large proportion of what a beginner will learn in the first months is quite generic.  Probably about 70% of the changes made to you will be directly transferable to another owner.  You need to stop thinking about being <i>his</i> property and concentrate on simply being property that will be desired by - and useful to - an owner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333
...I am having trouble eating or sleeping...

That's understandable.  But also unacceptable.  You must be in good condition for an owner who will select you for his own.

Use some overnight cough/cold medication (I'm in the UK and don't know US brand names); it should be the type that warns not to use machinery.  Take a dose every other night (no more than that and only in the normal dose) to help you get some decent sleep.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333
My mind goes to my tasks constantly but he is not there.  I am foolish to do this and I can not stop.  Everything reminds me of my beloved Master who is now gone from me.

It is obvious that I have no one now.  I need to know what does a slave do when this happens  to her?
...
I need tasks rituals to replace the ones He gave me in order to get over this...

This is much the same of anyone who has lost a love and I'm surprised if you have reached your age without experiencing it before.  You just have to continue with those little things to go from one day to the next.  Eat, wash dishes, do the shopping, clean the laundry and the house, sleep.  Oh, and look for a job - anything will do, for now.

You have chosen to dedicate yourself to the man you thought was starting to own you and that makes things harder.  Don't stop working on yourself, however: you will one day be owned and you will have to give your all, so work at improving who and what you are for your owner to enjoy.  Forget rituals - they are just a plaything.  Look at yourself objectively and determine your main assets and main failings.  Work at enhancing those assets (be they sexy dancing, cooking, administration or anything else) and, if possible, try to minimise your drawbacks with study and thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333
My mind wanders back to service, how could it not?

I see you have a very positive and upbeat advertisement, which is good.
I am surprised that you insist your next master is local to you - while that helps in meeting and getting to know someone, the man who is best at owning you may come from several states away, or even in another country.
You talk about love a lot, here and in your profile.  Have a think about whether it is more important that your master is in love with you, or is it more important that your master is good at owning you?  (In my experience, a dutiful slave comes to love her owner and an owner who is well-served comes to love his slave.)


My best wishes to you.

(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/1/2009 3:49:05 PM   
OpenWideNow


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline 		This lady smells of fake to me.

(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/1/2009 5:47:08 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		OpenWideNow, and you know this because of? It would be dabatable to me to call her a fake. It doesn't matter though because this is not the first time I have heard of this type of situation. At the very worse, if she is a fake, it brings this topic to life. It is good  for people to realize these situations exist.

(in reply to OpenWideNow)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/2/2009 3:37:14 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333

Ah,,but life is so empty without an owner and a collar!

You may not have a collar, but you do have an owner.

If you were released, ownership reverts to your former owner - yourself.  You may well want to find a new owner, but in the meantime, it's your responsibility to take care of your property - and her heart is sore bruised.  Be gentle with her, and help her heal - you have an obligation to her.

Give her new tasks and rituals to keep her occupied.  Find a new hobby for her - a new source of fun.  Insist that she take a spa night - long soak, trim and polish everything, see that she looks well cared for. 

Both owning and being owned take lots of time, attention, and energy.  Being proactive about doing both at the same time will keep that energy flowing, and the healing will go a bit faster, a tad easier.

Midnight Writer, who gives better advice than he takes..


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(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/2/2009 11:19:07 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Certainly, I believe we are meant to be with others; we are not made solitary creatures. 
That having been said, when circumstances arise that are contrary to what feels natural for us, we have the opportunity to rise to the occasion.  Conceptualize it however you need to, be it: 1)Valuing yourself and thus doing what needs to be done,
2) Defying the feelings of lack of worth/defying him and doing well in spite of these, 3)Preparing yourself via doing what you need to do in the day-to-day for the next person who comes along who can be a worthy Master to you, etc. 
Sometimes when we are emptionally traumatized, it is a sheer force of will to do what we need to do to get through the day: you have that strength in you and it is an asset to your ability to serve. 
  Davan

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(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/2/2009 3:41:37 PM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		I know the pain of your heartache...the only thing that helps is time.  Pamper yourself, create some new dreams to aspire to...start immediately looking for work to keep your mind busy.  I basically released myself from my last Dom.  I loved and adored Him but he lied to me.  I waited for two years for "us" to be together.  When it finally hit me that it was not to be, it felt like a death.  I have only recently met a new Dom/Daddy in person but I still have my armor somewhat in place.  An ending hurts, no matter what the reason, especially for you because you didn't see it coming.  Just know that there are good men/Doms out there--in time you will find the one that makes you want to try again.  Best of luck to you..

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(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/2/2009 3:44:24 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: emdoub

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilah333

Ah,,but life is so empty without an owner and a collar!

You may not have a collar, but you do have an owner.

If you were released, ownership reverts to your former owner - yourself.  You may well want to find a new owner, but in the meantime, it's your responsibility to take care of your property - and her heart is sore bruised.  Be gentle with her, and help her heal - you have an obligation to her.

Give her new tasks and rituals to keep her occupied.  Find a new hobby for her - a new source of fun.  Insist that she take a spa night - long soak, trim and polish everything, see that she looks well cared for. 

Both owning and being owned take lots of time, attention, and energy.  Being proactive about doing both at the same time will keep that energy flowing, and the healing will go a bit faster, a tad easier.

Midnight Writer, who gives better advice than he takes..





(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/2/2009 8:01:31 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		its hard I know..but they are right..and so are you..pick yourself up and take it one mintue,one hour.one day at a time..time heals all...or at least makes seem as if it happened a long time ago...Huntertn{James}

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/6/2009 5:05:58 PM   
truesubinsearch


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for that post.  i too am going through, what i can only describe as a withdrawal.  i have been in an on again, off again relationship with one Master for 15 years!  For many reasons i have decided it was time to end it, however, even though it is mutual, and i know in my head it is for the best in the long run, i feel so sad all i want to do is cry.  He was the only person i could tell just anything to without ever being judged, and i am going through so many things in my life right now and don't feel comfortable enough to go to him any more, nor dump on anyone else.  Please know you are not alone.  For me, right now, i just want to try to make friends, find out if i can ever trust on that level again.

Please do not write any negative posts, but thank you to those with positive advice.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/6/2009 5:38:25 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OpenWideNow

This lady smells of fake to me.


And if shes not fake?how on gods green earth you establish that based on the post defeats me.

(in reply to OpenWideNow)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/6/2009 5:49:30 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline 		Hello lilah
What your describing is something i went through some years ago with someone i felt i would spend my life with.
Ok in my circumstances it was  simple case of us both having very real commitments whilst living some distance apart that made our positions untenable and so we parted very amicably and very sadly .

For the first few days after i was in a daze because as you mention you miss the protocol and tasks given to you wherebye i missed giving out the tasks and protocols and the constant desire to care for her.
Trust me it does get easier over time , you will move on and he will just become part of what makes you stronger.

A very important point im not sure has been picked up on yet!!!id strongly advise against turning to online contact(as you briefly mention in your original post) with a dom to satisfy the needs you describe and go as far as saying to take anyone that writes to you privately just now witha very large pinch of salt(as someone else commented the sharks smell blood)...take time to heal and follow the advice your getting above posters and you ll soon be up and running again.

Be well


< Message edited by Knite064 -- 2/6/2009 6:15:57 PM >

(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/6/2009 8:57:36 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Ah. No profile. One way traffic.

(in reply to lilah333)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: a little bird in a blizzard - 2/7/2009 2:09:15 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Ah. No profile. One way traffic.


I apologise to the OP for going off topic and ranting for a minute.....


Antipode, anyone that has been on the forums more than a minute knows that you do not believe in taking the time to write detailed answers when people either have no profile or have chosen to switch it off.  We get that ok.  Are you so interested in upping your post count that you must write comments like the one above EVERY time?

end of rant

edited for grammatical flow



< Message edited by wandersalone -- 2/7/2009 2:10:14 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 40
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