quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think that people who care about each other help their partners feel empowered enough to do their own healing and do not hinder then on that journey.

I don't think it is a dom or sub, owner or slave, top or bottom thing.

People on the Top side of the equation are not more together or healed or healthy than those on the bottom side of the equation. It's an unrealistic and untrue expectation.

That's said, I do have "white knight syndrome" and I've had to learn over the years that this is not healthy for me and my household.

Someone who is aware and who is working on any issue he/she has might be welcomed in our house but someone looking to be healed, we can't honestly help you. We aren't therapists or doctors or ministers and to pretend to be any of those might me harmful to us and to the person looking.

Hope that made sense to you, Underumam.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
I just wanted to ask you if you see your position as a Domme in the light of helping subs/others with healing. Speaking from the understanding that regardless of orientation, we are all here to help each other become better human beings, and this is simply doing your part according to what you've learned/experienced and have embraced as wisdom. Do you see  yourself as having a very important  role in helping others?
With regard to submissive with unhealed issues. People can and should offer support (who on earth would want to be in a relationship where the partner wasn't emotionally supportive) but removing the ability from the submissive to help themselves is doing them a great disservice and introduces a relationship of co-dependence.

Do you interpret a subbie such as myself to be "topping from the bottom" when I offer guidance or counsel to others? (I've lived a very full and blessed life in this regard, and have much to offer people no matter what their orientation might be.)
I personally don't. In our household Reality has freedom of voice to discuss any issue he needs to with me. I value his opinions and any suggestions he may make for often if we are too 'close' to an issue we become too emotional and lose perspective. What you have raised isn't exclusive to submissives and Reality calls me on any bullshit he thinks I may be engaging in. Now, if he were to engage in any kind of controlling behaviours I'd recognise it for what it is and nip it in the bud.

OR-Is this quite simply all about you, and the needs of others are irrelevant?
Never. it's a partnership based on an exchange of power.

Thaks in advance for your input!  :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I'm mostly the same as TammyJo, without the household -- but complete with the unhealthy white knight syndrome.  If someone is doing their work, or has done some of it... I'll consider them.  I do not however take someone on who has a lot of issues -- been there done that, got the heartache and craziness.  You get a bit wiser every time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
I just wanted to ask you if you see your position as a Domme in the light of helping subs/others with healing. Speaking from the understanding that regardless of orientation, we are all here to help each other become better human beings, and this is simply doing your part according to what you've learned/experienced and have embraced as wisdom. Do you see  yourself as having a very important  role in helping others?
With regard to submissive with unhealed issues. People can and should offer support (who on earth would want to be in a relationship where the partner wasn't emotionally supportive) but removing the ability from the submissive to help themselves is doing them a great disservice and introduces a relationship of co-dependence.

Do you interpret a subbie such as myself to be "topping from the bottom" when I offer guidance or counsel to others? (I've lived a very full and blessed life in this regard, and have much to offer people no matter what their orientation might be.)
I personally don't. In our household Reality has freedom of voice to discuss any issue he needs to with me. I value his opinions and any suggestions he may make for often if we are too 'close' to an issue we become too emotional and lose perspective. What you have raised isn't exclusive to submissives and Reality calls me on any bullshit he thinks I may be engaging in. Now, if he were to engage in any kind of controlling behaviours I'd recognise it for what it is and nip it in the bud.

OR-Is this quite simply all about you, and the needs of others are irrelevant?
Never. it's a partnership based on an exchange of power.

Thaks in advance for your input!  :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

I am a sub dealing with my own issues (trust, anger), I have my own methods of dealing with my issues. The music I write, listen to, play and sing is my therapy. Sometimes, I cant think of a better release then to throw on a Pantera CD and scream along. I think it helps you to know that others feel the same as you, that your not completely alone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I have lived my life helping people... but that doesn't mean I wanted a partner I needed to help.  I will help those I care about, in any way I can... but if they are broken... they need to be healed before I take them to be my mate.  Perfect... no... but at least not broken and/or holding on to that broken state.  If he cannot find his way to finding his healing, there is more wrong than I can handle waking up to each morning.  Good deeds, love and service to helping people find happiness is all well and fine and I am all there... but not someone I can do well with in my personal life.  If I have to build him to live with him... it is just too much damn work and my days of saving a man to have one are far over.  I am ready for the fun stuff.  As a friend I will help, but as a partner... I can't see that happening.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

The person should not represent a danger to the intending partner. If his/her issues present a danger to the health of another they shouldnt be considered. But people with low self esteem are usually not dangerous. They need our support
kevin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
Do you see  yourself as having a very important  role in helping others?

Do you interpret a subbie such as myself to be "topping from the bottom" when I offer guidance or counsel to others? (I've lived a very full and blessed life in this regard, and have much to offer people no matter what their orientation might be.)

OR-Is this quite simply all about you, and the needs of others are irrelevant?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
Do you see  yourself as having a very important  role in helping others?

Do you interpret a subbie such as myself to be "topping from the bottom" when I offer guidance or counsel to others? (I've lived a very full and blessed life in this regard, and have much to offer people no matter what their orientation might be.)

OR-Is this quite simply all about you, and the needs of others are irrelevant?

yes i do...in and outside the life, if u will. and i say outside the life when i have to deal with family or my children or someone close to them. W/we all have our place and bless/help/support others in many ways.

i dont understand u topping if u r just speaking in a forum. i think that term is more relevant in ur D/s relationship when stepping out of bounds. but here, a forum? no, i dont see that--this is a place for floating ideas and thoughts.

i hope ur last inquiry speaks to the title of this forum. i care for what i own/train/collar and the likes thereof...equally so does the sub/slave under my care. as D/s are seen by me as a consensual, a sub with issues that cannot be resolved or worked on in the process, should not enter into a D/s relationship.  there are many post repsonses from people with psychological issue that keep them from having a successful vanilla OR D/s relationships.  admitting this and seeking help is in the best interest of the individual...and if in a D/s, the Domme/Mistress as well.

my opinion

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Hi Ladies!

I just wanted to ask you if you see your position as a Domme in the light of helping subs/others with healing. Speaking from the understanding that regardless of orientation, we are all here to help each other become better human beings, and this is simply doing your part according to what you've learned/experienced and have embraced as wisdom. Do you see  yourself as having a very important  role in helping others?

Do you interpret a subbie such as myself to be "topping from the bottom" when I offer guidance or counsel to others? (I've lived a very full and blessed life in this regard, and have much to offer people no matter what their orientation might be.)

OR-Is this quite simply all about you, and the needs of others are irrelevant?

Thanks in advance for your input!  :)

Hello Underumam,

That's a great question laddie,
you're asking here. I see that as a big part,
and a great adoring part too, from D/s.

To help the sub grow, and yes I love it when My
sub is there for Me. In My previous relationship
with My exsub, I suffered depression, and he has
been sitting there many nights for Me, when I
felt down and out. And he was My loyal boy,
who supported Me, all the way he could.

I still love him for this.

And I can happily add that I don't suffer
depression any more, but support yes
It was more then welcome.

So yes, It's for Me the same as for My sub.
No one can be always Up, Wwe're also
down at times, and it's great to be held,
and supported, so No laddie.

For Me a relationship is about two people
or more, and the two of them, are as valuable,
No one is worth more then the other one,
cmon now !

We're on this earth all together,
and We need each other.

So lets enjoy that.

I wish you enough.

smooch

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am a rescuer, but I am getting better at keeping it in check.  I wait to be asked before I leap in to help now.    I know that I can't rescue everyone, but I am motivated by wanting others to have what I don't, not out of some idea that I am the best fixer of psyches ever. 

I think that partners should help each other, but the notion that a dominant is somehow more stable or capable than a submissive is claptrap.