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When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 9:34:31 AM

Anastasia25

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
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In a long-distance D/s relationship or when your Master is out of town.

How do you remain submissive?
Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 9:47:17 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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I remain submissive because that's what I am. I do not pretend to be submissive. I do not role play submissive. Being a submissive is being me.

First, I would not be with a Dominant who felt the need to micromanage my life. If it were a long distance relationship, how would he be able to give approval to people and places since he would not know enough about them to make a determination? If he were just out of town, then it comes back to micromanaging. If he can't trust me to have good friends and go to appropriate places, then we don't have enough trust between us to have a relationship of any kind.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 9:53:32 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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Okay I'm a Domme but... You should bring it to the attention of your Dom, If you need more direction while you are apart.

I orchestrate my slave's life. When we are apart, I have to allow him a lot of leeway to make his own choices because I am busy at work, etc. But his life has a framework dictated by me. Everything he does must go according to my plan. He has rituals, and orders he must carry out daily. Some have set times. Its a framework we hang his life around. A structure- see?

To my slave and I, the whole arrangement is very deeply gratifying and fulfilling.

Talk to you Dom.

Edited to answer your questions:

No I don't restrict where he goes or the people he sees, when we're apart. There's no need for that. Wherever he goes and whomever he interacts with, whatever he does at all, ever... He knows he's my owned property and he behaves as such.

He is always wearing, holding, or doing (or not doing, wearing or holding, etc.) something on my behalf. There is never a time, day or night, when he is not serving me.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 1/31/2009 10:12:40 AM >

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 10:10:18 AM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
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To put on a happy face

When I did have a long distance relationship I had tasks that I accomplish everyday. I am suppose write in my journal recounting what I had done that day before bedtime at 10:30 and I would send a copy to him. He would call, even for just a few minutes, to make sure I did my "homework" and to say good night.

We'd create goals for me and I kept to them (or at least really, really try to keep to them). I remember once I wanted to start getting use to eating things that he did (he had special eating requirements) and so for a few months I made grocery lists and recipes, went over them with him and then went shopping.

As for him letting me see certain friends....he only knew of a few friends of mine, which he actually disapproved of because they saw our relationship as being bad. He voiced his opinions about them and there were certain things I wasn't allowed to do with them, like clubbing because he felt I would somehow be put into danger because of their actions, but there was nothing he really forbid me to do. Because personally I keep a pretty normal routine.

Now I didn't and still don't see any of this as micromanaging. It was getting me into the habit. Like going to bed at a reasonable hour rather than keeping vampire hours with a 12 hour a day job that rarely let me get much sleep all ready. It was what I needed at the time....

I also had a Gorean friend who suggested wearing Gorean slave bells. They were the first thing i remember from my childhood that made me feel submissive when I wore them.

Hope this helps! Feel free to CM me.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 10:18:35 AM

oceanwynds

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Sir has certain expectations of me that i meet daily. He does not check in on me daily, because he expects me to be following through. I do not know when he is going to ask to see my bank records, my bills etc, but when he does I know he expects everything to be in order. He expects me to take care of myself, exercise and not be reminded of having to do these things. Sir does not micromanage me, so I am friends with whoever I decide. He knows I am on these boards, but he has never commented one way or another on when and if I can reply. I know what ever I type is a reflection on him. That is always at the forefront of my mind, I am a reflection of him. That is how i serve him daily.

Blessings
oceanwynds

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 10:34:29 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anastasia25
How do you remain submissive? Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

I "remain" submissive the same way I remain bisexual, the same way I remain outspoken, the same way I remain a mother... it's who I am, it's not a role that I play. If you were married and your husband was away (say on a long-term work assignment or deployed overseas), would you suddenly no longer be married or no longer act married? No longer be monogamous (if that's what your relationship consists of)? Of course not.

If you are having a hard time feeling a connection to him, then work on how you can accomplish that when he is not there.

Cali

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 10:57:12 AM

junecleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: clearlightblack

I also had a Gorean friend who suggested wearing Gorean slave bells. They were the first thing i remember from my childhood that made me feel submissive when I wore them.

Are you talking about the anklet with little bells on it? If so I had a pair when I was a child that I played with until I broke them. I loveeee those things.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 1:25:45 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
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From: The Land of Voodoo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anastasia25

In a long-distance D/s relationship or when your Master is out of town.

How do you remain submissive?
Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

I am in a long distance relationship right now and it's very easy to stay submissive because it's who I am at heart. The fact that Mistress is far away doesn't impact my level of submissiveness. I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want. She asks very little of me, so when her only restriction is no playing with other dommes, I see no problem obeying her. She has in no way, shape, or form told me I cannot go to certain places or see people only she approves of. She knows what I do for fun and relaxation and she knows my habits. Because she knows me so well, she trusts me completely, so there's no need to impose restrictions on locations I can go to or people I can visit.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 1:33:26 PM

clearlightblack

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Joined: 3/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

Are you talking about the anklet with little bells on it? If so I had a pair when I was a child that I played with until I broke them. I loveeee those things.

Sure am! My friend really loves them and is great about the "encouragement" to get them. I just haven't had the time. I keep thinking about them and since I am thinking about them right I think I am going to order them

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 1:45:00 PM

clearlightblack

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I wanted to make a comment on everyone touching on the OP's comment "remaining submissive."

When I read the post, I thought she meant what things one can do to always have that small reminder of your submission. Am I wrong OP?

My submissiveness is a deep part of who I am, but I am also a very competitive, dominate and aggressive person at work and sometimes my switch gets stuck in that mode. Doesn't happen so much now, but still I've always felt it comforting to know that there is something I can do or have that is that small reminder (the W-D 40 of my brain if you will) that brings it all back.

Just a thought......I know some people say their collar is something that reminds them, being someone who has never had one the things I mentioned in my first post were things that always helped.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 1:56:16 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anastasia25

How do you remain submissive?

That's kinda like asking if I remain 5'4". Of course I do. It's part of who I am that I can't change.

quote:

Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

When we were apart... no, not really. He has never the need to hand-select my friends or where I was allowed to spend time. At one point I associated with someone that Val actively disliked because the person was a friend. They aren't anymore but he would have never considered forbidding me to be friends with the person. When he moved in, he said that the person couldn't come into his home but that's it.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 2:51:57 PM

NCNutCase

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Joined: 2/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anastasia25
Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

I like what was said above about not agreeing with micromanagement... Most Dom/mes I know have other things in life to focus on than every detail of the submissive in their life... at least I hope they do... I'm fond of the idea of a well rounded balanced life as well as a healthy D/s relationship.

I do think that in a healthy relationship there is a moral understanding between both parties invovled that allow them to both know what is okay and what is not okay. Provided you carry yourself in a way that is acceptible within the pamameters of your particular relationship, and keep yourself safe, you should be able to decide where to go and how to act without compromising or challenging him or your relationship with him.

Provided you have been honest with him (and vise versa)... and provided you have the integrity to do what you believe is right (and vise versa)... the only problem in this should be missing each other. From what I hear "absence makes the heart from fonder"...

Best of luck...

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 3:23:44 PM

littlewonder

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I don't...meaning I"m not submissive all the time, I'm not submissive to anyone else. I'm only submissive to him and thus when he calls, when I write to him, when we're together I surrender to his authority.

When we're not together I do as he wishes still but since he doesn't have a lot of rules or protocols for me then it's not that hard. I live by my morals, I raise my family, I work, I hang out with my friends and basically I'm just me, the person who he likes. If I tried to be something or someone else I'm sure he wouldn't want me for very long.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 1/31/2009 7:57:12 PM

kyraofMists

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I remain submissive to him no matter where he is and I don't do anything unless I have his permission to do it.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 2/1/2009 4:03:40 AM

MRandme

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Our relationshp is long-distance... He lives an hour dirve away so we get to see each other once a week. At points in our relationship, we have gone as long as 6 weeks at a time between meetings. It can be difficult to feel as though you are serving your Dom when you are not with Him for whatever reason (i think this is what you were trying to say?)

There are few restrictions on where i may go or who i may spend time with, the only one i can think of is that i cannot go meet with Dominants without permission. i act, always, as if He were watching me, so Him being gone would change nothing.

He has given me tasks to give me a sense of serving, even when a great deal of time must go by before i am able to serve Him in person again. i go to the gym twice a week, at His command. i wear my Collar and cuffs to bed nightly. At one point, i was to find a way to serve Him during the week, in my daily routine (researching something for Him, writing a story or poem, doing a task with Him in mind).

Now, serving Him is so entwined in my daily life that i feel His presence all the time.

Hope this helps.

g

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 2/1/2009 4:36:01 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anastasia25

In a long-distance D/s relationship or when your Master is out of town.

How do you remain submissive?
Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

Whether Himself is here or not, I don't do things that I know he wouldn't allow and it doesn't matter whether he would ever know or not, either.. I would know and it would make me less than I am capable of being in my own eyes which would pretty much suck. There are some rare occasions where folks don't understand that, but I set them straight PDQ.

I had a dom write to me that wanted some side action while Himself was out of town for a few weeks. He made it clear that the Himself wouldn't have to find out (some words along the line of .. what he doesn't know won't hurt him) and, truthfully, I found it pretty insulting that he thinks that it's Michael's mere presence which is the sum total of my slavery to him. It's not.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 2/1/2009 5:17:49 AM

LaTigresse

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Good grief Celeste, that is just really fucked up. What is really amazing is that they would think you wouldn't tell him about their generous offer, even if they didn't think you would actually follow through.

I've always thought that if a submissive/slave cannot remain so to me, regardless of distance, then there were not really submissive to be to begin with.

However, I have a sneaking hunch that the OP wasn't necessarily about being submissive with distance but keeping that "feel" alive and at the fore front with distance. That is when some sort of regular task, or symbol seems to help many, keep the feel of that connection.

I would also imagine that the age of the relationship might play a part in the need for something like this.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 2/1/2009 9:55:42 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anastasia25

In a long-distance D/s relationship or when your Master is out of town.

How do you remain submissive?
Do you go places only he allows or see people he approves of?

I'm not submissive, but in the context of your post....I answer to M for what I do whether he's here or not and whether I like it or not. Within the confines of day to day life, I know what he'd be *ok* with and what he wouldn't.

There are certain things I can't do and people I can't see without his express permission.

That's all very well if you don't WANT to.....but sometimes I jolly well do......so it's not always nice and comfy. Sometimes it's a bloody nuisance.

agirl

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 2/1/2009 12:31:36 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I can't imagine doing anything that he would disapprove of, except staying online too late.

Anyway when he's away, I have to write him several emails a day. He likes getting texts but my phone is so ancient that half the time it doesn't send them. But I do get to eat stuff he doesn't like so I buy peas or make french toast and bacon for dinner. He doesn't approve of breakfast at dinner time.

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RE: When Your Master Is Away... - 2/1/2009 1:49:02 PM

agirl

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I can easily imagine doing things he wouldn't approve of..and I sometimes do them too. I don't make a career out of it but there are times when I am going my way, whatever the consequences.

agirl

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