Too much info

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torturedmuse -> Too much info (2/1/2009 6:39:06 AM)
I have this issue with my M, which is slightly unusual for us. I love rape scenes, I love watching them, being in them, the total package. I know that M is very aware of what this does to me, or atleast has some idea. I have talked to him about this and the whole idea turns him on very much also. The problem is as we are starting the scene, he always says something like "do you want me to rape you?", or "I might rape you, what do you think about that?"..almost asking permission in ways. He also tells me things as he is going to do them or before such as, "I am going to rape that ass of mine." or something along that line. Well, this totally shuts down my engine and I try not talking hoping he will just do it, but he keeps saying it. I have said before that it's not quite rape honey if you tell me as you are doing it and finding out if it's ok..lol. Yet when we are doing it again, he does the same thing. I want to be surprised, blindfolded, perhaps tied up, used, abused..etc. by him during this scene. I want to kick, push him away, and have him take over everything and put me in my place. Now, don't get me wrong..I think it's good he wants to make sure it's what I want and all. I think though after 3 yrs together it's time for him to just do the thing without us talking about it. I don't like to have any control in our play at all, yet it seems like that control is given to me. I am really not sure where to go with this now. Should I just let it go and get from it what I can? Is there another way for me to approach him about it? At this point I am usually pretty good about this stuff, but I admit I am stumped over this whole thing. (btw, I was raped for real and the scenes don't give me flashbacks or anything (only movies or books about it)..and I also know this isn't everyone's kink, and that's fine.)

colouredin -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 6:41:02 AM)
Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.

feydeplume -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 6:47:00 AM)
Does he have a "thing" for hearing you agree to or ask for "naughty" things? If he does, he might just be caught up in the moment and getting his jollies. What ever your communication methods are, they aren't working on this one point so try a different method of communication. Maybe ask him WHY he doesn't follow through on this one point instead of telling him how much you would like to try it. Worst case? Put a gag on him. (j/k mods!)

Viking777 -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:01:00 AM)
As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit. If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????

JustDarkness -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:03:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Viking777 As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit. If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave?????? we live in a real world...a slave doesn't have to do anything...she choses to do so.

feydeplume -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:18:40 AM)
Yanno what? An unhappy or unfulfilled slave becomes and anxious slave. As the anxiety grows, it makes room for resentment and dissatisfaction. The trust/faith/submission starts to fail and negative expectations start to override positive expectations. By posting here, she is showing that she is already in a not so happy place. It isn't just about getting one fantasy fulfilled. It is about a tremble in the trust/dynamic/relationship between them because her M isn't being what she needs/wants. That is actually rather serious when you think about it huh?

torturedmuse -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:22:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feydeplume Does he have a "thing" for hearing you agree to or ask for "naughty" things? If he does, he might just be caught up in the moment and getting his jollies. What ever your communication methods are, they aren't working on this one point so try a different method of communication. Maybe ask him WHY he doesn't follow through on this one point instead of telling him how much you would like to try it. Worst case? Put a gag on him. (j/k mods!) Hmm..I do think this has something to do with it. He for sure likes dirty talk while we are playing, I am not much for it myself. He asks me things and talks to me..etc. This might be the key to the whole thing I suppose.

torturedmuse -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:24:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustDarkness quote: ORIGINAL: Viking777 As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit. If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave?????? we live in a real world...a slave doesn't have to do anything...she choses to do so. Yeah, what he said. [:D] I wonder if maybe he wants to make sure it doesn't bother me because of my past rape, but then again I think by now he knows it doesn't as we have talked about rape play since the beginning. I do wonder if it's the talking part that turns him on. Now, it's finding how to take care of his desires in that, along with the "rape" part I desire so much from him.

T1981 -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:26:52 AM)
I was originally going to say "If he's your Master and he wants to talk it out, then by god, talk it out" until I saw that you two had been together for 3 years. It's very frustrating to feel like you're not being pushed or challenged, and Fey brings up a marvelous point about an unhappy slave is an anxious one. So I'm going with the first poster's advice, that what you wrote here was very clear and consise and perhaps you should share this with him.

feydeplume -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:29:31 AM)
Morrning T! Nice to see you on. OP: Isn't funny how a few words can change the whole mood?

torturedmuse -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:30:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feydeplume Yanno what? An unhappy or unfulfilled slave becomes and anxious slave. As the anxiety grows, it makes room for resentment and dissatisfaction. The trust/faith/submission starts to fail and negative expectations start to override positive expectations. By posting here, she is showing that she is already in a not so happy place. It isn't just about getting one fantasy fulfilled. It is about a tremble in the trust/dynamic/relationship between them because her M isn't being what she needs/wants. That is actually rather serious when you think about it huh? Actually, I am pretty happy. This is one scene out of 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year for the last three years or so. He and I have been talking a lot about things. I was unhappy in my slave role for awhile and he allowed me to take a break even though it's what he always wanted. It had nothing to do with him, it was taking care of some past things so I wasn't in a "victim" mentality. Now that I have dealt with those things, it's like a whole new dynamic is opening up. We are exploring the type of control, rules, protocol and all of those things that make up our home. I love that my M is so very caring and careful of me. He doesn't want to ever hurt me or damage me in a non-bdsm way (so to speak).

T1981 -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:31:01 AM)
LOL - indeed! Good morning Feydeplume! ((hugs))) Yeah, I remember one of the most frustrating things about my husband and I in the beginning was that he didn't push hard enough, and it made us both feel like we were failures on some part. Once we got that taken care of, things went much smoother, so I can really relate to that aspect of the OP's post!

torturedmuse -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:32:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me. I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right. Maybe after the superbowl, and not during [;)]

JustDarkness -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:33:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: torturedmuse quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me. I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right. Maybe after the superbowl, and not during [;)] that sounds smart...lol

gypsygrl -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:34:43 AM)
quote: I don't like to have any control in our play at all, yet it seems like that control is given to me. There's a logical problem here, one I've tripped over for years. I finally just let it go. :) Here's how it works for me: when I first started with this stuff several years ago, I didn't want any control, yet control was always given to me no matter how much I resisted. I was constantly being asked what I wanted and when I was asked that question, I would, like you, shut down. What I wanted was not to have to want anything. I wanted to be told what I wanted. And that want was always being denied. And, in the moment of that denial, in the moment I was 'forced' to state my wants, I gave up control. Because I wasn't getting what I wanted which was to not have to say what I wanted. See? As I've said, just let it go. Answer the question and see what happens. :) Just because you say you want to be raped, doesn't mean he's going to do it and if you want it deep down inside, even if you don't say so, its not really rape anyway. So, the pretense goes both ways. And, its a good thing that it does.

colouredin -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:35:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: torturedmuse quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me. I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right. Maybe after the superbowl, and not during [;)] Good for you, I reckon he is just nervous about pushing you too far. Im sure that he needs to be reassured. Ignore the rubbish about real true masters thats just crap, its your relationship and you need to get the best out of it. I do think try and say just what you said here, there is no blame or insult or anything. Frank open conversation can be so liberating

cjan -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:38:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: torturedmuse quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me. I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right. Maybe after the superbowl, and not during [;)] Yes, talk to him. Everyone is different, of course. Some people, whether dominant, submissive or vanilla, are just more sensitive to cues and such. Others don't expect to be mind-readers, although I think that you have been clear in communicating what you want. You can't ever lose by communicating, although the reverse may be true.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:40:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Viking777 As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit. If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave?????? Good luck with that.

feydeplume -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:40:32 AM)
I am really glad to hear that you are happy. I just brought up the point of unmet needs to show that one "little" sexual difference isn't necessarily the whole picture and to ignore your (the general your) feelings and needs will, in time, undermine the whole relationship. Yeah interrupting the Superbowl to complain that he doesn't "do ya" the right way is such a bad idea. Funny, but waaay bad. Talk about angry sex.

torturedmuse -> RE: Too much info (2/1/2009 7:41:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: T1981 LOL - indeed! Good morning Feydeplume! ((hugs))) Yeah, I remember one of the most frustrating things about my husband and I in the beginning was that he didn't push hard enough, and it made us both feel like we were failures on some part. Once we got that taken care of, things went much smoother, so I can really relate to that aspect of the OP's post! I will agree with you, this has been a bit of an issue. I had health issues last year where I couldn't play or anything hardly at all. Now that all of that is better, I think we have so much to explore. I think he knows I want nothing more than to please him. I long for more control and we talked about this last night. He said he wanted to make sure it was something I wanted, he did give me that lil break a bit ago. I am grateful he let me do that and grateful he has stood by me thru it all. I know that I now have much more to offer him in my devotion. I honestly couldn't ask for someone with a better heart. I just want him to "rape" me, dang it.[;)]

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