RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (Full Version)

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kyraofMists -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 4:37:13 PM)

In our relationship it is never appropriate to tell a lie.  The other person may not like the answer, but they would feel even worse to know they were lied to.

Just a couple days ago he asked Alandra and I several questions about our sex life.  One was about what I like least and when I told him he laughed and said "yeah, I know; it's so fun to do that to you." 

Knight's Kyra



bamagirl4u -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 4:58:16 PM)

For whatever reason you were having an "off" day...while I might have not been so blunt, I think it is important to share your feelings openly and honestly.  I hope it all works out. 



kallisto -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 5:29:24 PM)

A lie is a lie, no matter how big or how small.   Not much else to add as it has all been said above me.  I agree that I think he must have felt something or he would not have asked the question.   I would have wanted to have offered an explanation ... if he didn't tell me to expand on my "no".    Although I wouldn't see the situation as to whether or not I enjoyed it.   I would see it as an opportunity for me to let him know, especially if he asked me. 



MyWorldCT -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 6:10:57 PM)

Honesty is important, but open communication in this case is even more important.  If he needs to be stroked after one occurence of negative feedback, then I am guessing that he is harboring greater issues than this.  Ask yourself, "Why would he even ask that?" 

I have a feeling there is much more to this question, and you need to ask yourself and him more questions about your relationship.   Yes, many dom men are insecure babies... some hide it better than others, and some do not. 

And, some are strong, secure, and stable who can handle this type of feedback with a thoughtful look, will hold both your hands, and will ask you to tell him more about why you said, "no".   He will take it like a man, listen, learn, apologize if needed, fix it, don't let it happen again, and get beyond it.



OmegaG -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 6:55:58 PM)

to all that said that I should have softened the blow or gone into more explanation, I was caught off guard with the question and still trying to shake off the encounter and there wasn't time or oppurtunity to have a private conversation then or has there been yet.



NuevaVida -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 8:07:16 PM)

There have been times my former owner wasn't enjoying what I was doing.  He would correct me along the way so that he did enjoy it. However, there were times I still wasn't really getting it.  His response to it would be to tell me he enjoyed and appreciated the effort even if it didn't work out, and now I had an opportunity to improve for him.

I think a straight forward "No" would have hurt, but if I asked the question directly then it was up to me to deal with the answer. To lie about the answer would have been more damaging, though, plus you don't want to encourage him to keep doing what you didn't like!  Sounds like there is a conversation to be had in your future. 



MasterFireMaam -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 9:12:52 PM)

The way you describe his reaction to his question makes me think the question was ego driven. Wanting to give a white lie seems to me to be saying you are worrying about his ego. There is, of course, nothing wrong with desiring your partner to enjoy the experience, but when your self worth if wrapped up in you performance, things get dicey. Perhaps that's something to look at.

If the basis of your relationship is honesty, especially if you are under a directive to be open, honest and transparent in your communication, telling a white lie, especially to placate his ego, is NOT appropriate, in my book.

Master Fire



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 9:42:19 PM)

Nueva- it might be fair to say that a straightforward anything except adoration was an annoyance to him ;)



HardToTame -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/1/2009 11:22:26 PM)

I think 'No' is the best thing you could of said.  If I were him I'd of said "well then do it yourself next time", then we'd of had a huge arguement, and the make up sex would of fast rectified the situation, THEN, I would of gotten into it and been like "look, your just shit.   I'm sorry, maybe you could do it like this next time?" and have a post sex compromise session to make it better for the next time.

YOU DON'T FUCK WITH SEX!  (get it?) [:D]

No but, really its something that all involved need to enjoy so, make sure you're enjoying as much as your partner.

Personally, I think the bluntness is fantastic.  If a women said it all, soft assed it would hurt even more.  



BondageBarbieX -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 1:20:18 AM)

I would never tell my Daddy that I did not enjoy him...I would never want to see him sad



Sundowner -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 4:14:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

to all that said that I should have softened the blow or gone into more explanation, I was caught off guard with the question and still trying to shake off the encounter and there wasn't time or oppurtunity to have a private conversation then or has there been yet.



If it's practical it's a good idea consciously to acquire a habit of putting a positive spin on negative stuff - with employees, friends, lovers whatever ("that wasn't as good as it could be ... I'm wondering what we could do to improve it").

But back to the point - I so think that honesty makes life simpler and better. Always a good route to take. (And I hope the follow-up chat works well).



slaveluci -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 6:06:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
plus you don't want to encourage him to keep doing what you didn't like! 

So true.  That's why I never understood why women would fake an orgasm.  You're encouraging your partner to keep up what DIDN'T work[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m22.gif[/image].............luci



slaveluci -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 6:10:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX

I would never tell my Daddy that I did not enjoy him...I would never want to see him sad

So would it make him happy to know you'd look him in the face and lie?  Seems like that would make him sadder than hearing the honest answer to a question he had asked.  I don't think the OP said she "did not enjoy him."  She gave an honest answer to a very specific question about whether or not she'd enjoyed an activity, not him as a whole.  Big difference[:)]................luci



MissMorrigan -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 6:51:16 AM)

This resonated with me. Through my relationship with Reality I've come to understand that he doesn't know any other way than to say what he really means without adding any cushioning. I know that if I ask him his opinion he'll give it straight from the hip and that sometimes has had me in tears. His intention is not to upset me, of course not and it crushes him to see me upset, it's to be absolutely honest and he doesn't know quite how to 'elaborate' on that. His honesty is almost childlike in a sense. Initially, I would feel hurt and take his comments personally, until I understood that I needed to listen more to what he was saying rather than reacting due to any emotive issues I may have.

I think that perhaps your respective other may have already felt that something was awry - it's not often, in my experience, that a person will ask that question to bolster narcissism. While it may have dented his ego initially, I am sure he appreciates the honesty you provided. In our case, Reality is learning to highlight the positives that we do and I am learning to accept constructive criticism. What I cannot do is turn any criticism I do receive into a personal slight and use that to diminish his confidence not only in me, but in himself also.
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
to all that said that I should have softened the blow or gone into more explanation, I was caught off guard with the question and still trying to shake off the encounter and there wasn't time or oppurtunity to have a private conversation then or has there been yet.



bamagirl4u -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 9:33:57 AM)

OmegaG...maybe just a nice long conversation with him will help to soothe things out...tell him you were caught off guard and ask him what made him ask to begin with.  I am a firm believer in if you don't really want to know--don't ask.  I am so sorry you are having this issue...afterall...honesty is best...and that is what you did.  I don't think the truth will hurt in the end...maybe just a little more as to why you didn't enjoy it.  Best of luck..[:)]



Mercnbeth -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 9:40:13 AM)

quote:

Do you think that in this scenario a white lie just might be appropriate?


no.
lies, of any color, are not appropriate...especially within an intimate relationship.



wisdom58 -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 9:53:18 AM)

quote:

I would never tell my Daddy that I did not enjoy him...I would never want to see him sad


For me, that is wrong on several levels.

First, if I ask, I want a truthful answer, just because.  Second, if I ask, I am trying to learn or confirm something.  By fudging the truth, you (the generic "you") deny me the feedback that I want/need.  You also might lock us into repeated behavior that ultimately causes bigger problems.  Feels to me like topping from the bottom. Third, something would be wrong with our dynamic if you thought that you had to "protect" my feelings in this way.  I don't want you to assume that responsibility.  That is my job.  When you relinquish control to me you also relinquish certain vanilla-type responsibilities for my feelings in this situation.



littleone35 -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 11:12:47 AM)

Master can tell when i am not enjoying because when i am i am VERY vocal.  If he asked me if i enjoued and it was not working for me i would say "i am sorry Master it just did not do it for me because______.  Master would not be hurt he would be glad i told him so he does not do whatever it was again.  That being said he usually plays my body like a piano.

Matt's littleone



DavanKael -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 12:26:12 PM)

Wouldn't lie.  That sort of placation is right up there with faking orgasms.  Nope, not in my realmof behaviors. 
I am a bit interested in the dynamic here as the way the hair playing is conceptualized has a feeling of abject vulnerability/neediness to it.  Perhaps there is more at work here than just what's stated? 
  Davan



LarabysLair -> RE: "Did you enjoy it?" (2/2/2009 3:19:45 PM)

Hi OP

The simple answer for me... I'm man enough to ask and accept the truth and still feel secure within myself. Also, my slave angel knows full well that lying is forbidden and should she engage in it, punishment will be swift and hard. Her only requirement or caviat is that she will address herself to me with respectful tones and with her usual obsequeousness.

Perhaps it should also be noted that I seldom have to ask how things went with angel. Her looks, words, utterances, moans, sighs, body language, and physical reactions tell me much about where she is at in our interactions and intercourse. If things do not proceed as expected or planned, the path is altered until the desired level of interplay is achieved.

Call me LL



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