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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/5/2009 3:47:00 AM

clearlyme12

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This is something i am very much into....i enjoy that feeling of emotional pain.....i am not a physical maso, it does nothing for me. But knowing that everything i have ever told my Dom, could be used against me in a "scene" is a gorgeous feeling. Not because i like it per ce, but because it shows me my submission and his dominance.

But afterwards, i need to know that everything is still alright, aftercare is paramount. I need the hugs and love. The yin and yang of bdsm i suppose!!

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/5/2009 8:11:23 AM

MsDDom

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From: GA
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it is definitely not for everyone...and there are MANY who seek it and enjoy it (secretively or out in the open). there are many more who experience it in subtle forms...no matter if they recognize it or not. one should know their threshold for it and in the case of Dom/mes, they should know the limits. there must also be "something" in place to cope with the after affects... some people r not mentally capable or stable enough to handle their own desires...its as simple as that.

the lifestyle is highly emotional and psychological...

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/5/2009 8:31:49 AM

KataNykanen

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Joined: 2/4/2009
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I love it. Always did.
But I also always wait for a certain time before I start to bring mind fuck into the relationship, and I always start softly. I've been with my actual slave (who I also love) for nearly five years, and we just started doing "hard" mind fuck about one year ago. Mind fuck can be highly abusive and that's the reason why I first do everything to get trust and stability into the relationship. In fact it was him who had been urging me for some time to do it "harder" before I felt it was the right time to start, and did so.
Also, I wouldn't do it to someone who obviously isn't into it.

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/5/2009 12:52:52 PM

CreativeDominant

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I love mindfucks. But I view them in the same way as I do physical sadism...the first question I ask myself as I am planning out or thinking through emotional/mental play is "will this do harm? Is there a better-than-average chance that this will do mental/emotional harm of a serious nature down the road?" If the answer is "yes", then I either abandon the scene in my mind or I look for ways to modify it that ensure fear/humiliation/excitement but do not take away her base feelings of security/love/self-worth/self-image as a human being.

What neuva vida described...what the OP described...strike me as abusive because they are degrading and/or pointless cruelty (or at least a point not easily discerned nor, I suspect, defended).

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/6/2009 12:34:20 AM

DavanKael

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No favorite scenario/fantasy involving emotional sadism; I dislike being treated poorly on an emotional level. It is not, most definitely not, a shiny, happy mindf*ck, imo.
Davan

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/6/2009 8:32:39 AM

antipode

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quote:

emotional sadism

I too am unclear what you mean by that. I know what it means to me, and that I stay away from, as it can do long term damage, same reason I don't beat women. So I think maybe your definition is different than mine. It's gotta be either that, or you are really weird

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/7/2009 5:02:47 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyWorldCT
If your Domme was able to make you believe that she did not love you anymore and you believed it, then you have some "issue" which are unresolved in your relationship, or your realtionship is not as deep as you want to believe.

By no means. Words have power. If you believe your dominant, then when he/she says something that hurts/humiliates/degrades you, it is only too easy to keep believing afterwards that he/she does see you in this manner. After all, they've now said two things which are completely opposite. One of them must be a lie. So why is it axiomatic that the bad thing is the lie?

It is equally easy for someone who is emotionally fragile to believe that the bad things were the true ones and that they rarely were said since the partner wanted you around anyway and thus only let the truth slip out during intense moments.

And this is why we don't do humiliation because telling me during an intense moment that I'm a whore or a slut makes me believe that this is his true view of me. And saying afterwards "No, it was a lie. I don't truly think of you like that" doesn't change the wounds inflicted nor magically heal them. We've promised honesty with each other, so one of those things is dishonest, lying.

With my self esteem issues, I will believe that the bad things are the truth and the ones that claim he values me/that I am valuable and of worth are the true lies.

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/7/2009 7:11:00 AM

lateralist1

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Vanilla life is full of abuse.
All you have to do is care about the wrong person/people and you can have as much emotional abuse as you want/need.
The whole point for me of BDSM is that it isn't abuse.
To meet someone's deepest psychological, emotional and physical needs and to have them meet yours is the only really important thing in life.
That's why the word play or scene annoys me intensely.
So do the Dom/mes and sub/slaves who prey on the emotional needs of other people.
I have met some shit men in my life who fed off my emotional deprivation knowingly or not.
The lifestyle has taught me a great deal about life and people especially the ones to stay away from. Because I now understand my own needs I am far more capable of finding people to meet them and sorting out my ongoing relationships.
I'm glad your growing as well Michael.

< Message edited by lateralist1 -- 2/7/2009 7:20:46 AM >

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/7/2009 7:19:23 AM

T1981

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The term "emotional sadism" brings to mind the concept of someone using my insecurities against me, which would be a big no-no. Things such as my breast size or the fact that I'm intimidated by large stacks of paperwork (it's a wierd thing, but I am) or bringing up certain aspects of my past during play....if someone decided to slap me with cruel words about that stuff, I'd be out of there so fast that the handcuffs wouldn't even have time to hit the floor before I was gone.

But playing on fears (i.e - a good mindfuck) is something that I enjoy having done to me - I think what makes the difference, at least in part - is the level of aftercare given, and the trust built into the relationship. I would let my husband pull a mindfuck, I would not (as of yet) let our play partners do that. I simply don't have that level of trust built up that comes with years of being together.

It's a good topic, and one that I want to think on about the differences.....thank you for posting this.

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/7/2009 7:31:46 AM

kyraofMists

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He isn't really all that emotionally sadistic in that he doesn't seek to cause me emotional pain. He does actively try to annoy the fuck out of me and suceeds many times. It amuses him and it amuses him even more when I don't catch on until after I am annoyed. When I am feeling sadistic and figure out what he is doing, I change my response and that spoils his fun, which is very funny for me.

As for emotional pain, he does not want to inflict that. Life in general creates enough pain as it is, that he doesn't want to add to it. When I am hurting and start to cry, he will get turned on, but then again so do I. He gets turned on because he likes to see me cry. I get turned on because of the emotional vulnerability. It is a win-win since I love crying during sex.

As for the abuse aspect, one of the criteria that I use is if I am no longer in this relationship will I regret having done this with him. Often something is abusive because of how it causes us to feel about ourselves in the future. That isn't something easy to know ahead of time which is why I think many people get themselves stuck in abusive situations.... but that is a whole other thread.

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