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submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 2:54:47 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		There is a vast difference in submissive and subservient. Anyone care to elaborate?

I speak to those who say they are shy and introverted around their Dom. Doesn't that qualify as being subservient?

And...does anyone care to elaborate on how their submissiveness builds confidence.
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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 2:57:54 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I've always had a lot of confidence so I don't feel the need to build it.  In fact, I have plenty to spare.  As far as submissive and subservient goes...well, subservient means excessively submissive, but that sounds subjective to me.

(in reply to Anastasia25)
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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:14:03 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		nothing wrong with excessively submissive...that qualifies as slave and is an honorable title to be earned...which doesn't mean you are your Master's doormat in the negative sense of the word.
there's a difference between Slavery and Slavehood. One is consensual, the other is not.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:20:07 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I didn't say there was.  I only mentioned that I think the term "excessively submissive" is subjective.  What I might think is excessive, someone else might think was just the right amount.  I don't get into labels much.  I think anyone can call him or herself whatever s/he wants.  If both parties agree and it makes them happy, it's all good.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:25:51 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I wonder if I should contribute something, or if this whole thread is going to get yanked anyway...

IMO, just as "domineering" and "dominant" both describe who is in charge, the words "subservient" and "submissive" both describe who is following.  In both cases, the first term describes a situation by force; the second term describes a situation by choice.  IMO.


Cali


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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:28:16 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks Cali.  I was starting to get weirded out. :)

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:30:03 PM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps the topic can be salvaged.....though I can't answer for the submissive v.s subservient thing (I do imagine there is a difference. I haven't the slightest clue of what that might be.)

As for submissiveness and confidence? For me, being submissive can be a challenge at times. I'm talkative to a fault, so being quiet can be quite difficult. Anytime I manage that is a boon to my confidence, knowing that I did something that doesn't come to me easily. The same goes for enduring particular humiliations - it breaks down yet another wall of self-held control in my own soul, and the fact that I not only endured but got through it and pleased my husband also helps my confidence. That sort of thing.

EDIT: I'm wondering if this thread will get yanked, too...hmm.....


< Message edited by T1981 -- 2/2/2009 3:31:46 PM >

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:31:08 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, wasn't sure about posting either here. I do agree with Califchick explanation.


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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:34:43 PM   
Sundance879


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Cheyenne, WY.
Status: offline 		Hey! I'm learning a o lot about this new adventure... U have a hell of a lot of smarts, knowledge from where U speak. Thank U, John. Sundance...

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:36:45 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I was talking to a friend of mine a couple week back about my submissiveness. She mentioned how it can be empowering. I not sure in my case if was about confidence, but more of a peaceful feeling within me. I am at peace in serving most of the time. From that point, I feel very strong. It is from this point that I am able to serve others be it Sir or be it through my work. The best way to descibe what I feel is an overflowing cup of being me, which embarks on gratitude.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:37:41 PM   
ALAstella


Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps the OP would care to elaborate first and reveal to all us desperate subbies another morsel of One Twue Wayism.

However I'm not holding my breath, seeing as the OP would rather insult others than elaborate.

I came into WIITWD to be myself. If I wanted to come up with one size fits all definitions and piss other people off, I would have become a parking enforcement officer.

However...

stella

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:39:54 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Anastasia
By the way thank you for starting this post.:)

oceanwynds

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:42:53 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		No problem. I don't say much, because I would rather know how you think. The question is open to your personal interpretation.
As Buddha said "to those who always speak, they only learn what they already know."

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:46:15 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		However, I will agree that submissiveness is empowering, namely that you are in a state of complete trust of self and another to be able to substitute your will with their own. And to be completely trusting, you have to have a certain degree of inner confidence.
Subservient would be that you are doing things for the other person because you have to, not because you get to.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:47:05 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		And...does anyone care to elaborate on how their submissiveness builds confidence.

Well for one thing, I only have to worry about the opinion of one person so i don't get bogged down in worry about "will they like me or accept me" That makes for a kind of confidence.


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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 3:59:43 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		How does submissiveness build confidence?
Lets see...
You are washing the floors, thinking..."will he notice? does he like it? omg, he doesn't notice...he doesn't care about me...I'm doomed etc. etc." = The submissive is focused on self and on gratification, where if I do A, I will get B.
so if the Master does not notice, the submissive's confidence in self will decrease. You can call that subservient.
Or

The other scenario would be, the submissive is washing the floors thinking, "Master will have a clean house and he will not have to wash the floors himself, so he has more time to relax." In the latter scenario, you are not focused on your own gratification, so you are not disappointed if he does not notice your work. And if he does, that will add to the confidence you already have.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 4:11:22 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		subservient:
compliant and obedient to authority
implemental: serving or acting as a means or aid
slavish: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant

Submissive:
inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination
one who submits; Meekly obedient or passive
slavish: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant

I think the first definition of each gives more room for discussion. there is a marked difference between "inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others" and "compliant and obedient to authority". 


Wait is this another way of having the doormat debate?



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Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 4:12:20 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Subservient would be that you are doing things for the other person because you have to, not because you get to.


it is in having to do x, y and z , that empowerment enters the picture. It is the purest form of doing. I am doing not because i get to, or i want to, or i dont want to, none of these play in to it. I am just doing.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 4:13:06 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		Maybe..I haven't read that one.

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RE: submissive or subservient - 2/2/2009 4:15:12 PM   
Anastasia25


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		But you are doing with the well-being of the other in mind. And because he/she allows you to do those things for them, you get to do them.

(in reply to oceanwynds)
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