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Knite064 -> RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle (2/3/2009 4:43:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SorryNoBS
I posted this in O/our journal but I think that it could benefit more people here.
I am often conflicted on a personal level, in regards to owning a slave. My job is to train her to be a better slave and look after her as my prized possession. I need to constantly keep in mind her needs, wants, and desires. People, with little knowledge of this lifestyle or who are just starting out, believe that the difficulties they face in the lifestyle will be physical in nature. They worry about whether or not they will be able to find someone to take as a slave. They are worried about their ability to properly restrain and punish a sub/slave. All of the things pale in comparrison to the difficulty one will face in doing what is right and best for their slave. The internal struggle to know that what you are doing is what you want and at the same time best for your slave. It is impossible, for a decent, human being, to act without regard to another person. I know that my slave wants and needs to be pushed and wants me to be as happy as I can be, but when is it too far? In an ideal situation, all of my wants and needs should be met by my slave and at the same time they are being met, she should have no negative feelings in regards to what is being done. In actuallity, every slave has feelings. At times, it is My job to disregard them and at other times I need to take them into consideration and adjust my actions as necessary. This is where the real struggle in owning a slave takes place. The fine balancing act of taking what I want and yet not pushing them over the edge. If I reward her too often, I run the risk of her feeling a sense of leniency and pushing the boundaries as she sees fit. If I push her to far and punish her too often, she looses a sense of self worth and becomes more motivated by fear than a sense of accomplishment in serving well. I know some people own through fear, but it just isn't me. I want my slave to be the best and believe that my ability to walk this fine line is what will propel her towards being the perfect slave. Owning a slave is not easy. Being a good owner can be just as demanding as being a good slave. The constant demand of having to keep someone else's well being in balance with your desires and wants is a grueling task and should not be taken on by those who have serious doubts in their abilities. It is common to thing that there are no consequences to owning a slave, but this simply isn't true. People, even slaves, are not robots. A good slave will always try to make their Owner happy, but the reality is that they do, and always will, have feelings and a soul. Abuse of the priviledge of owning a slave can ruin a slaves soul permanently and great care should always be taken when leading them through life.
I offer all of this up as a caution to potential owners and a notice to potential slaves. Nothing in this lifestyle is as easy as it seems. To gain a rewarding relationship, it will take sacrifice from both parties. Owners and slave alike, know that your stuggles may be unique, but they are equal in unequal ways. I value my slave above everyone else in my life, and would choose her over all others, but know that it doesn't make this life easy for me. In fact, it makes it that much harder. If you want to be a good owner know that if you struggle, you are probably doing something right.
Very interesting post and thankyou .
I worried about the very points you mentioned some years back and developed a little system based loosely around the workplace appraisal .(emmm very loosely [8|])
I split up the basics of what i viewed important yardsticks that make us tick along happily(eg sexuality. career development , her overall happiness etc ) and asked myself as to whether she was either just as happy as she was 3 months ago , is she still working towards career goals etc etc etc) and if i felt or indeed she commented on any specific area then action was required.(oversimplified but hopefully you get the gist)
Of course life cant be compartmentalised so easily but at least it was a yardstick to follow rather than assuming my basic gut instinct was always correct(a sub constantly saying how wonderful you are could all too easily cloud any thoughts of personal shortfalls.)
Plus i do plan on introducing the "appraisal" into scene/roleplay creation with a serious undercurrent of looking after her(when "she" appears ) properly but find the appraisal idea kinda hot also[;)]
Thanks again for posting such open thoughts
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