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Slipstreme -> RE: Submission??? (1/14/2006 7:13:15 AM)
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It would seem that submission in and of itself is a personality trait. Either you are or you aren't submissive, in the same way that either you are or you aren't dominant. In the case of the Switch you are or aren't either at different times, provided you are interested D/s. What depends is the trigger.
Trust has a lot to do with whether or not someone earns the right to be able to share with you who and what you are. Lets take another example: I am a member of a furry board. When I joined, I was skittish, just as I am now, on this board, because I was new. I didnt know who everyone was, or whether I was welcome. Now, they have to deal with me being exactly who and what I am, because I know the board, and many of the people on it. I feel comfortable to be the silly, sometimes annoying, usually confusing thing I tend to be.
Such is the same with a new play partner. Although I will tell them upfront I am a furry and a sadomasochist, I will not initiate any real D/s or S/M until I get to know who they are. As such I tend to keep my play limited to good friends: one who I am dominant over, one I switch with and one who is for all intents and purposes, my flogging buddy. With these last two, I swear, we spend more time doubled over in laughter and immense sillyness than doing anything.
I know these people, and thus I feel like I can be who I am with them. Such I believe would be the same with most people: You never give someone yourself without knowing them, and thus never display your full abilities and comforts being a Dominant, submissive or Switch. Part of this also has to do with knowing how they will react to you, whether what you are is welcome or not. Growth takes time. And it seems that in the course of this time, people can give the depth of their dominance or submission, but whatever you are or aren't, is hardwired, set, and there. This seems to be the only way such people "earn" their place, but really it is the other person who "earns" this.
Sure, there are people who will go off and play with anyone, typically people more interested in S/M (I admit D/s can be a part of my life, or not, it doesn't matter, but I need my S/M). But even then, people interested in temporary things need to know who they are getting involved with: whether said person is safe or not, trustworthy etc. Not many I know will jump into the fire without knowing if the burn is worth it.
For example: I would not present my back to someone I don't feel comfortable with. In a way, they have to "earn" that right with me. Although, as a sadist I'm more likely to want to go ahead and cause pain to someone who is asking, still I will not press what I can until I know if they can handle it.
And I must say, interesting discourse thus far. I love the philosophical/ psychological discussions I see happening here.
I know I answered for all sides by my own experience. For that I apologize, but it seems to work both ways.
For those still reading and not yawning: Thank you for dealing with the rambling. I tend to do that. I'll shut up now.
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