When he has fetishes that you don't... (Full Version)

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rednicky -> When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:25:22 PM)

I found a Daddy for myself and we're going to meet this Sunday. If we click then we hope to go on even more dates and, in a few months time, hope to try some things in the bedroom. This man is perfect for me. At least physically [;)], occupationally (policemen are hot), intellectually...but sexually...? We'll see. I am uber excited. He is exactly what I fantasize about (older Daddy-like cop, taking advantage of me every now and again) and I'm really surprised I was able to find him so fast. We talk a lot and in one conversation, he told me all about his fetishes. Honestly, they don't interest me. I only like super light bondage and a few ass-taps here and there. Oh and, of course, I'd like to play Daddy's little girl in which daddy introduces sexuality to . Since I look very very young (which is actually why I have no pic. Trying to avoid confusion with the site) and I'm sexually inexperienced, this will be as real as real can be for me.

I don't have any other fetishes (if you can even call the things I just named fetishes). So what if I try his and end up not liking them? I considered doing them just to make him happy but I read somewhere that 'tolerating' someone's fetish is not the way to go. I mean, that's why so many people leave their vanilla partners in the first place. Their willingness to participate in kinkiness doesn't matter if their hearts aren't in it. But I know that everyone here who isn't single isn't *completely* compatible with their partner. So what do you do when She (or he) presents a fetish to you that you aren't really crazy about? This guy may be perfect for me (he likes everything I like and wants everything I want) but I may not be perfect for him (I don't like everything he likes or want everything he wants). Is this a doomed match or simply a work in progress?



T1981 -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:28:29 PM)

I say give it a whirl and take it from there. You'd be surprised what you find out you like - I never, in a thousand years, would have thought spanking would be a fetish that I'd like, and in fact used to laugh at people who liked it.

Well, one misdirected pizza peel and a few years later, yep, spanking is my number one fetish.

And even if you try a few things and don't like them, that only leaves 80 gazillion more things to try! It's great fun when you're in this place, where everything is so new....enjoy it! I'd see this as a work in progress, trying new things, and negotiating what it is that you do like....



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:29:55 PM)

Uh that's why they call it getting to know eachother.  If you aren't perfect, then it's over.  Why is that so bad?  You both deserve to find people who ARE perfect for you.  You haven't even had a first date and you're this worked up over whether you're perfect forever and ever and till the end of time ZOMG?



KatyLied -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:31:30 PM)

Why would you want to be with someone who is perfectly compatible?  For me that would be the height of boring and intolerable.  The answer:  try what you want, attempt some of it not for you, but for him, if you have absolutely no interest in something, let him know.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:33:08 PM)

I agree with LA on this one. Sometimes people just aren't compatible and thats ok.



rednicky -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:40:09 PM)

LuckyAlbatross, I've been meaning to say this for a while...

You look JUST like my "Gender in Film" professor and every time I see her, I can't help but think of her dressing up in leather after work and doing dirty things. Eye contact is tough. [&o]

Edit: I would have thought you WERE her had you not had super long hair.



DesFIP -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:44:48 PM)

Are they fetishes, meaning something he has to have every time or just things he enjoys? Because there's a difference. If he enjoys a variety of things, then as long as you also enjoy many of the same things there is no problem. If however he expects to do the things you don't enjoy every time, then you probably aren't compatible. You enjoy what you do like, and you do your best at the occasional others in order to give him enjoyment.

But you need to ask this of him in order to know if he's on the same page.



FRSguy -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:46:52 PM)

I'm not a sub but can definatly throw a comment or two.  Jump on it girl.  lol.
As a sub / slave do you really have to like 100% of everything done?
I mean if lets say he satisfies you 80% of the time as in you love what he does and lets say 20% of the time it dosnt really rock your world and you dont hate it either then should there be a problem?  You also said you are inexperienced, only like a tap and light bondage or something like that. If you can take it on the light side you might find your feelings change as you get really close to your partner... I mean you can never really tell if you are inexperienced, you could end up being a total pain puppy slut in five years... shit happens.



MistressAinCT -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:48:05 PM)

I hope his name isn't Drew Peterson....

I have had slaves who didn't share My fetishes or I didn't share theirs.  Sometimes a compromise was made especially if I got along with the slave in other ways (like you, if they're hot, why not?).  I did have hard limits on certain things i.e. I don't care to crossdress males so if they insisted, I knew the relationship wasn't going to work out. 

I am a staunch sadist and the slave I have now-and have had for 3+ years-who doesn't care for hard play.  We work it out, that's all, and when I feel the need for something more intense I find it.  That approach isn't for everyone. 

Win some, lose some.  Good luck on your date!



T1981 -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:49:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy
you could end up being a total pain puppy slut in five years... shit happens.


[sm=lol.gif]



rednicky -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:52:01 PM)

I'm not sure Desfip. He brought them up and seemed insistent about them. But only because I had an open mind when he talked out it. We already agreed that, when we decide to have sex, it would all be vanilla. No kink at all. And I suppose I'm just worried that I'll be happy with just that and not want to include anything more in our relationship. I'm afraid his kinks will be more of a distraction rather than a turn on. You know, you're in the groove then, all of the sudden, your Dom might do something that completely snaps you out of it. But I suppose T1 has the right idea. I'll try it first. If I don't like some things, then I'll seek more forum assistance.



myotherself -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:54:17 PM)

When I made my first foray into the bdsm world 5 years ago, I was sure I was a service sub/slave with no interest at all in pain play.

Five years on - pain play is a huge turn-on, and I've discovered I don't enjoy doing someone else's laundry or feeding them peeled grapes.

*shrugs*  I've come 180 degrees round and now have a better idea of what I need and what I want.  'Suck it and see' is probably the best philosophy here - give it a go, and you might just like it!




popeye1250 -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 12:54:46 PM)

A Cop?
Oh nice, wait till he sticks a loaded gun in your pussy.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 1:13:02 PM)

Email me her pic, she sounds hot.



DavanKael -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 1:14:14 PM)

This does seem to be a whole lot of amping yourself up in your own skull before the relationship even gets to the point where you're meeting.  Slow down. 
If you're dealing with actual fetishes, that could be a real issue.  I am guessing you're using the terms as its become popularized and are likely just talking about kinks and/or preferences.
I view things differently than a lot of folks but why not give most things that don't go against your moral/ethical code and/or go beyond what you glean to be acceptable in your own sense of RACK a try before summarily dismissing them? 
I've certainly done things that appealed more or less and, you know, I have found that even if that 'something' isn't terribly exciting to me upon contemplation, if I am doing it with someone I care about who is turned on by it, it generally becomes hot. 
  Davan



kiwisub12 -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 1:15:28 PM)

So  -  Popeye   -  how did it feel?   [:D]

and OP - when i met my Sir, i hadn't ever been spanked, whipped, tied up, restrained   ....   well, you get the idea.
now, my idea of a perfect evening is a really hard caning with a thick cane in the dungeon.
You don't really know what you like until you have experienced it more than one time.



Mercnbeth -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 1:37:16 PM)

quote:

...So what do you do when She (or he) presents a fetish to you that you aren't really crazy about?...


this slave has a fetish for submitting...so it works out really well that it doesn't matter if this slave is crazy about His particular fetishes or not.
 
it's a win-win.[:)]



agirl -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 2:04:25 PM)

You'll have a better idea when you've actually met him and spent some time with him. It's possible that he could turn out to be not quite what YOU want despite initally seeming *perfect*.

agirl





feydeplume -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 2:26:29 PM)

THIS WAS A FAST REPLY:
my brain is too slow to hit the right freakin' button today!


Sounds like you don't know what you like or don't like yet. Maybe, instead of hoping he is "the" one,  try thinking of him and the one you get to learn with right now. Take some of the pressure of your mind and your budding relationship. Get rid of some of the hidden agenda and unexpressed expectations and you will have a better time.



Andalusite -> RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... (2/3/2009 2:54:09 PM)

I was a Domme for almost 5 years before I tried bottoming, and at first, the things you mentioned were about the degree I was comfortable taking. I kept an open mind about it, and explored gradually, in a positive way. If you get more involved with him, the first few times he tries those things, you may want to have him explicitly ask you for feedback, so that you don't feel as if you are topping from the bottom. There are also things that I can enjoy if they are combined with D/s, but not on their own. There are lots of things I don't find appealing/interesting to fantasise or think about, but that I enjoy on various levels when I actually do them. :) Enjoy exploring and getting to know him, and take your time.



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