How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humilation and degredation

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humilation and degredation

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humilation and degredation

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humilatio... - 2/3/2009 4:17:34 PM

Torvis

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Would like to hear about not only the outward reactions to humilation and degredation but the mental and emotional process a submissive goes through during it.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 4:21:38 PM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

I enjoy humiliation play, so the process for me may be a bit different than for someone who doesn't. There is the dread, the fear, the nervouseness, but there is also the excitement of being able to prove myself, no matter what is thrown at me. (Figuratively, since having things tossed at me isn't fun at all!).

Humiliation also provides me a really great chance to break down those internal walls of control and consent that I have inside of my mind. If I can let go of the control enough to give my husband control of my mind, of even my pride, then that is a very powerful thing indeed. So if there is a session where the likelyhood of humiliation play is going to happen, I try to remember that and it makes it easier to get through it bravely.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 2/3/2009 4:23:04 PM >

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 4:29:28 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

I am no longer slave, but I'd like to weigh in with my perspective:

I make a distinction between the two. So to me, you are asking two different questions. Humiliation is delicious and sweet (speaking from my experiences on both sides of the slash).... Degradation I don't do, because I don't think my slave or I would enjoy it.

The kind of humiliation I am interested in, is the opposite of degradation.

Degradation would be putting him down. I humiliate my slave to lift him up.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 4:31:42 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Torvis

Would like to hear about not only the outward reactions to humilation and degredation but the mental and emotional process a submissive goes through during it.

What brand of humilation are we talking about? There are certain kinds of humilation he knew I would never be all right with because they hurt too badly and reopen old wounds. Other kinds arouse me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 4:34:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't do either of them. The effects are bad on me and cause me to distrust him. We don't do stuff that would break the relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 4:39:57 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Seriously, it'd depend on the what and the how and the situation. I can have many reactions from being cross and frustrated to feeling very little and vunerable..........and from * I hate you* to * I'm grateful to be able to place my hands beneath your feet*. It totally varies.

agirl

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 4:44:32 PM

Torvis

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I purposely left the definition of humilation off as what is humiliating to one may not be at all for another.

for the purpose of this question, its how does one deal with it mentally and emotionally any time they feel humilated or degraded by the Dominant

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 5:03:59 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I don't deal with it ..........I just feel what I feel in the moment. If I feel vulnerable, I feel vulnerable , if I feel cross, I feel cross.

agirl

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 5:16:08 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Again, its two different questions.

Pick one.

How can we answer your question properly if you refuse to define your terms?

The question is ambiguous. Please clarify.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 6:15:55 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I deal with it however it comes to me. Like...if someone throws a ball at my face...maybe I'll duck...or maybe I won't be paying enough attention and it will smack me in the face. Maybe I'll cry. Maybe I'll be really angry. Maybe I'll be really turned on. I can't even promise I'd have the same reaction to the same exact thing two weeks apart. With emotions...and especially my emotions lol...it's hard to tell how I will feel.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 6:21:27 PM

Torvis

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

this came in my email from carmeldelite

Some doms like to humiliate their subbie/slaves, and make them cry. I had an experienced with a dom where as when he started to try to put me down and I rebelled and turned the tables on the dom, he started to cry. So tell me subbies/slaves how would you handle this matter. Could you still respect your dom? How would this reflect on your relationship?

(in reply to junecleaver)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 6:32:01 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Yeah, she did a whole thread on that topic.

She got flamed pretty bad here because she was acting all proud of herself, for making him cry.

Eeeww.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 7:25:27 PM

oSinfullySweeto

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Personally ... I don't handle either well. My Master does not humiliate me nor does he degrade me. There may be times in play that we have touched on both, but they are few and far between.

I do not consider myself to be a weak submissive, just a very sensitive submissive that has many quirks. It just depends, as somedays I can be brought to tears by very little, and other days I'm a little more tolerant and fiesty.

_____________________________

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
--Helen Keller

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 7:56:16 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Torvis

Would like to hear about not only the outward reactions to humilation and degredation but the mental and emotional process a submissive goes through during it.

It's all a mental and emotional upheaval for me.Sir accepts it as he does me.

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 8:11:21 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Humiliation and degradation are not part of our dynamic. Neither of us gets any kick out of those actions.

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 9:10:59 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I like some things that other people view as humiliation/degradation, but I didn't feel that way about them (ie. kneeling, puppy/kitty play, etc.). I'm not interested in verbal abuse, either as the Domme or as the submissive, but I am openminded that if it were presented with the right tone/in the right circumstances, it could be hot. In general, I tend to think of it as being in the "more trouble than it's worth, unless it's really important to my partner, in which case we can negotiate/try mild stuff" category.

(in reply to peppermint)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 10:28:24 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Torvis

for the purpose of this question, its how does one deal with it mentally and emotionally any time they feel humilated or degraded by the Dominant

That still isn't specific enough to answer your question. If he mocks my stutter in front of others, I leave. If he calls me his dirty whore, I drop to my knees.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/3/2009 11:40:09 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Like others here have said, humiliation is very individual to all of us. Sometimes I may find being told off and scolded like a child humiliating or the thought of displeasing him.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/4/2009 6:25:11 AM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

They are both hard limits for me

(in reply to Torvis)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: How do you as a Submissive or slave deal with humil... - 2/4/2009 7:24:50 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

There isn't any personal "humiliation & degradation" between us.

There are plenty of things that we do that are defined as 'humiliating' and 'degrading' by religions, woman's rights advocates, society, and other judgmental institutions and individuals; but that's their problem.

At the core, we are having fun. I enjoy creating scenarios, and sensations that beth enjoys receiving. We realize that we are both very fortunate to have found a partner whose 'kink', 'sick perversions' and fantasies are so compatible. Even if, in rare situations, the specific sensation or scenario isn't something beth personally would seek or enjoy outside our relationship, her joy in submitting to something, which I want to do and enjoy, is her pleasure.

I wouldn't, by textbook definition. humiliate beth because I would be, at the most base level, humiliating myself. Often there is a reference to a slave as a possession. Usually compared to another valuable possession, a house or a car. beth is much more valuable than any other possession, but using that concept - I wouldn't 'key' my own car or drive it off a cliff, I wouldn't trash my own house; nor would I allow anyone else to do so.

Yet, I do expose beth, use her in ways considered by others as 'humiliating'. To her if it's serving, it's something she enjoys and completes her. It's not about dealing with 'it' whatever 'it' is - it's about serving and submission. Maybe it identifies a demarcation point. Doing things you enjoy or don't find humiliating may still be on the receiving or submitting end of the flogger, but it's still about you. Doing something you don't enjoy or find humiliating and degrading because your partner likes it, or wants it done, is all about the other person. You have to ask yourself, can you serve and/or submit at that level, and put your mind and emotions in the right place to actually 'enjoy' the service, if not the activity?

That's how you "deal" with it, or not. It requires knowing yourself and your partner and being confident in yourself and that knowledge. Get there - and it doesn't matter how the specific act or activity is perceived or called by anyone else. To you and your partner - it will be called FUN.

Good luck!

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 2/4/2009 7:28:47 AM >

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

Profile

Post #: 20