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Newbie1sub -> when.... (1/14/2006 11:20:21 AM)
....just have a simple question. when do You know that someone is telling You the truth - especially when You start as online and have a long distance between. any way to find out or do i just have to trust my own intuition? any signs i am able to check about? thanks a lot every comment!

daredevil865 -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 12:31:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Newbie1sub ....just have a simple question. when do You know that someone is telling You the truth - especially when You start as online and have a long distance between. any way to find out or do i just have to trust my own intuition? any signs i am able to check about? thanks a lot every comment! Building trust is difficult enought when it is face to face and even more so when it is online with a distance to overcome...take things slow..ask questions...trust is something that takes time to build...listen to your gut..if they have posted here on the boards check out what they have said in their posts...and good luck...

krikket -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 12:48:17 PM)
i think some of us trust easily, some don't trust anything they can't see, touch, smell, etc., but most some where probably in the middle. i pretty much trust my instinct, but that's not to say that i ignore those things that are obviously out of sync. If a relationship is all on-line perhaps a cam would help each of you feel more secure about the other. In the past i have to admit that when i find myself in the position of questioning the actions of another too often or too much the relationship was probably over at that point. i've also learned to be honest enough to let the person i've been talking about that i don't see things progressing as we might have wanted. Just dropping off the face of the earth, while easy enough to do on-line, isn't a very nice thing to do. On-line or not, manners are important, just as trust is.. good luck...

veronicaofML -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 1:08:15 PM)
welllllllllllllllll????????????? do you have ANY means to check out if they are actually whom they CLAIM to be? phone address name etc etc etc anyone that denies giving me proper i.d. IS a fake AND hiding something. a LOT of sub males pretending to be dommes..to get kicks. SOME ( a rare few) dommes that play games..online..==though i have only found 2. do whatever you can, to verify everything told to you. there ARE ways.. good luck.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 1:17:19 PM)
Hmmm. A simple question, but not really a simple answer. For everyone, this is going to be different. I find that consistancy works for me along with gut instincts. This question, as you will see, will run the gambit in responces.

Focus50 -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 1:25:47 PM)
Instincts is an excellent guide but too many people don't give their own instincts due credit. If you feel like someone is jerking you around, they most probably are! Second is your own age. Forget about BDSM for a minute and consider your own dating experiences because life experience is still a valuable asset to fall back on. Ask yourself if you'd allow another vanilla to talk to or treat you in a manner many "doms" will. Be assured that many of these "doms" will specifically target newbie fem/subs because of their naivity so don't put up with anything that you wouldn't tolerate as an adult vanilla. There are arseholes in every form of life or lifestyle. And if you're not already, expect to get swamped in "kneel bitch" geek mail at all BDSM sites; it's "normal" - unfortunately.... Keep yourself open to multiple sources of information re bdsm; don't make any one dom your sole source of knowledge. Accessing sites such as CollarMe is an excellent online method of asking questions and getting unbiased answers. Welcome to the Boards, btw.... [:)] But most of all, it still comes back to instincts for everone. You don't need any BDSM experience at all to feel that someone is full of crap. If you get the urge to run from some dom, I'd strongly advise you to go with that urge. Focus.

ehlovindom -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 2:34:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Newbie1sub ....just have a simple question. when do You know that someone is telling You the truth - especially when You start as online and have a long distance between. any way to find out or do i just have to trust my own intuition? any signs i am able to check about? thanks a lot every comment! A simple question? Why not ask about splitting atoms, now that would be simple compared to what you are questioning! How do you know if someone is telling you the truth when you are living with them? How many people lie everyday to their significant other? Sorry, newbie1sub but you will never be able to know if that person is lying to you especially if you have a long distance between you. BUT, there are a few things that you could consider that will at least help you to decide and trust your gut instincts. Do you have home and work telephone numbers, addresses etc. Have you chatted by phone and by webcam? That is a start but unfortunately there are situations which willa rise that will cause you to doubt simply because you aren't there to see or experience them firsthand. That is, sadly, a part of having a long-distance relationship. There are a number of posts on here that discuss red flags and things you should look for so do a search for them and just go slow with your eyes and ears open. Just because you are submissive and new to this doesn't mean you DON'T have a right to question and if this person wishes you to cut off all ties to your family and friends and not talk with others, then start walking.

DelRey -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 4:34:36 PM)
you mean you have not gotten in to the "reverse Voodoo micro chip" yet ? sure you just tell your LD friend to implant it under their skin, when they lie to you, not only are you notified with an email but it automaticlly adds money to your visa check card account. what a deal....

FangsNfeet -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 5:02:58 PM)
Pics, web cam, and talking some on the phone or a voice chat are good ways to start confirming each others identity. As for everything else, you'll figure it out after you meet. Oh, that's if you actually do end up meeting. After all, when someone stands you up disapearing from the world and no longer has number or active e-mail address, you can say that you just called them out on a bluff. You can also go by the concept "If it sounds to good to be true then it normally is." Anyways, taking chances is one of our reasons for living.

fastlane -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 5:23:01 PM)
Trust no one..............................................................especially me! Liar, Liar pants on fire.........Hope you like fire play? Kevin

Newbie1sub -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 5:35:29 PM)
thanks a lot for all the wonderful post and comments so far.... and by the way - just cause it was mentioned - yes i did try to split atoms, but hey i did fail.... uuuhhhhhh - smile -

Arpig -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 6:12:16 PM)
when do you know...when you have the proof in front of you, until then you have to go with your gut I am afraid

justheather -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 6:34:25 PM)
I cant offer you an answer to "when", but I can maybe offer a glimpse into "how" which is, just as you already knew, listen to your intuition. Stay involved in things that ground you and keep you in tune with self, so that you know you can trust your inner voice. Be open to whatever the truth may be. Pay attention to small things that set off small alarms, like failing to be honest about seemingly inconsequential things, for example, because they are often times clues to bigger things lurking beneath the surface. Then again, dont be afraid of the possibility that this may be a chance to accept something wonderful from the universe. Stay healthy and take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual self. If you are in the habit of maintaining harmony in your life, anything that comes along and threatens your health will clang out like a loud gong by comparison. Have patience. Exhale. Good luck.

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 6:43:57 PM)
quote: Anyways, taking chances is one of our reasons for living. Amen....imagine where we would be right now if we had never taken a chance.

newflowers -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 10:05:44 PM)
I think you have already answered your own question. Trust your intuition. Trust yourself. Someone once told me that it is okay to be a little tricky and you must ask many, many, many questions - more than once for some questions - do you get the same or a more complete response each time or do things change a bit. Ask your questions and respond to the answers with more questions. Verify personal information given as much as possible. Did he volunteer the personal information or did you have to ask? Is the information as complete as possible, or was sketchy information given grudgingly? There is no sure fire way yo know if someone is being truthful, but, as a general rule, if you question it, there is a reason that you have done so. Follow your instincts - listen to yourself. Take care of yourself and stay involved in your own interests. newflowers

KatyLied -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 10:28:29 PM)
quote: when do You know that someone is telling You the truth You don't always know. At some point you have to take a chance. But there's this thing, called your "gut". When it starts to ache, that's the best sign that something is wrong.

Gideon147 -> RE: when.... (1/14/2006 10:34:09 PM)
Psychologically, instincts are a basic defense mechanism. In my own life I have had more problems stemming from not listening to my instincts than otherwise. The advice posted here is extremely sound and may be as good as it gets. If someone is lying, it shows. Unless they are a good liar... Then they might stumble if tricked into answering the same basic question two different ways... Unless they are a great liar...and so on and so on. If you're only defense is your gut, go with it. In situations like this I can assure you that even if he's a really really great liar, eventually his true colors will show. Nobody can lie about who they really are forever. But here I am focussing on the negative and making ass-umptions. If he turns out to be a good thing in your life then you are fortunate. Either way I wish you the very best. Gideon

fastlane -> RE: when.... (1/15/2006 12:29:45 PM)
You know, the more you talk the more you learn about one another. The more you know, the better the understanding of truth from fiction. Just ask Pinnochio..........LOL

MHOO314 -> RE: when.... (1/15/2006 1:52:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 Hmmm. A simple question, but not really a simple answer. For everyone, this is going to be different. I find that consistancy works for me along with gut instincts. This question, as you will see, will run the gambit in responces. These words are very very true--consistency, one thing I do is archive My emails amd IM's, I take time to go back and reread--I look for patterns and consistency or inconsistency--I watch for times they are on the computer versus working hours--do thay always want to call YOU and yet never share their numbers? quote: welllllllllllllllll????????????? do you have ANY means to check out if they are actually whom they CLAIM to be? phone address name etc etc etc anyone that denies giving me proper i.d. IS a fake AND hiding something. a LOT of sub males pretending to be dommes..to get kicks. SOME ( a rare few) dommes that play games..online..==though i have only found 2. do whatever you can, to verify everything told to you. there ARE ways.. good luck. Truer words never spoken The net (sorry the pun)--ask ask and ask again, don't feed information that will drive their response--and look for the vanilla side, someone who focuses on all the kink, may indeed just be that--- and do not hesitate to ask questions here, if the topic has been covered, MistressPassion and LuckyAlbatross are great researchers and can help guide you to past threads and of course we all stand ready to add our $.02 Best of luck and be careful.

MHOO314 -> RE: when.... (1/15/2006 1:55:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey you mean you have not gotten in to the "reverse Voodoo micro chip" yet ? sure you just tell your LD friend to implant it under their skin, when they lie to you, not only are you notified with an email but it automaticlly adds money to your visa check card account. what a deal.... OMG I am on the floor!

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