RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 7:55:47 PM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I just looked at your profile slaveontheshore, and notice that you listed your income under interests. That would SEEM to indicate that you have some interest in financial domination, or at least providing money to a partner. I can certainly see why some people might get the impression that you're open to that type of interaction.

You might want to reconsider listing that, if it's not a real interest. Or if it is, but only under certain circumstances, then perhaps some clarification in your profile might be worthwhile.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to slaveontheshore)

Post #: 21

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 8:11:24 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveontheshore

All im saying is that we should all take the time to get to know each other before we delve into the practice of providing financial support.

For a very long time now there has been a gentleman who occasionally contacts me to see if he can buy me a tank of gas. Other than meeting this guy at the occasional gas station I don't know a thing about him. I don't know his name, phone number, nothing other than his email address. We don't chat beyond "how are things?"

I've never contacted him. Ever. He always contacts me. He doesn't WANT any more than to occasionally buy me a tank of gas. He always leaves the gas station smiling, as do I.

But I don't know the first thing about him, other than he makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

It seems to work for both of us.

I agree, asking for money before someone will speak to you is simply in poor taste. It seems to be a trend with some "pros" as well, asking for an 'interview fee.' To my mind it speaks to the professional's inability to separate the wheat from the chaffe. If she's not willing to do what she needs to do to see a player coming, is it wise to trust her judgment in the dungeon?

A dominant who initiates an inquiry and then asks for money is...well...you get what you pay for.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to slaveontheshore)

Post #: 22

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 8:15:19 PM

elena

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/14/2004
Status: offline

Personally I think a monetary tribute is silly.

my Master takes care of me, not vice versa.

We met online, then in real life a few days later. We are now married.

I've become a bit cynical, but I do think that this "tribute" thing will wear off. If all subs were so rich, we'd merely hire our doms or something as ridicoulous.

I've met several friends through munches as well as through the internet.. and i really think the internet is the new "bar". Can i buy you a drink has morphed into Can I IM you?

(in reply to SherriA)

Post #: 23

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 8:21:57 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

I just looked at your profile slaveontheshore, and notice that you listed your income under interests.

Some men consider a statement of their income or net worth to be more a statement of "I am financially stable" and "I am driven and successful in my endeavors" than they do "this is a carrot."

Granted, if you think in terms of their goals, to find a woman, then they are in essence selling themself. So it's still a carrot of sorts.

I agree with Sherri, if you're not interested in being approached by women who are 'interested' in financial domination you might be better served to remove the reference to your income and allow that point to be something that is uncovered in the 'getting to know you' process. At the least it will cut down a bit on the trolls, at best it will not make a 'here's a dangling carrot' statement to a woman who may not give a damn about your income but might otherwise be interested in you.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to SherriA)

Post #: 24

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 8:59:34 PM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

Hi Sheri,

My problem with it is the same as my problem with the scenario between MasterBob and subbyJane. The scenario isn't dangerous all the time, and probably not even most of the time. It's potentially dangerous, but far more often, just exploitative. That is why we say it's wrong of the dom, and foolish of the sub, to do something like that. The potential for abuse and exploitation is high. It's always there when there is a power differential involved.

With MasterBob and subbyJane, she's likely going to get scammed out of some pussy by a married guy or at the very least, a guy who has no intention of following through on the promises that he has made or hinted at. Just simple exploitation. It's wrong because MasterBob has established some dominance over subbyJane, and so some desire on her part to please him that might blind her to the obvious.

For subbyTim and DominaBuck$, the potential is high for simple exploitation too. DominaBuck$ is never going to follow through with that 24/7 personal service collar that she holds out there like a golden carrot if he pays just a little more tribute. This situation is wrong for the same reason that MasterBob's actions were wrong. DominaBuck$ has established some dominance over subbyTim, and so built the desire to please her that blinds him to the obvious.

The situation with MasterBob can get dangerous, but far less often than it being just a fraud. The situation with DominaBuck$ can go dreadfully wrong too, just like the one with MasterBob can. subbyTim can get that humilliating midnight call that tells him to get his bitch ass out of bed and over to the ATM unless he wants some pictures sent to his boss. A rare situation, but probably not much less likely than that MasterBob is going to turn out to be another Ted Bundy.

Simply, I think that "tribute" as a condition set by the Domme for initiating or continuing a relationship should be just as frowned upon as MasterBob trying to lure a woman who knows nothing about him to a hotel room, and for exactly the same reason.

Something to ponder.

PS: Nobody better take a poloroid of me standing here arguing for the male submissives *grin*.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/12/2004 9:29:20 PM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to SherriA)

Post #: 25

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 10:57:33 PM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I have never asked for a tribute for a meeting or for services renendered.. its just not who I am.. but I have spent countless hours of impossible boredom waiting on jim, ed, bob, barry, micheal and so on to show the hell up for a date, for an interview for a what the hell ever. So from time to time I have pondered the tribute. Recently it occurred to me.. money is money and why does the tribute have to be for me.. 50.00 bucks to my favorite charity with a reciept before I agree to give you my time.. At least that way I feel would feel like my time was not being wasted and if I was sat stuck awaiting at least it would be productive for something.. a cure for breast cancer, a local youth center, a hospice... This is a recent thought and still brewing so to speak.. currently I tell them.. five pm if your not there by 5.15 without a call for the reason why dont expect me to sit waiting. But still there is the process of getting ready, driving, those fifteen minutes of waiting blah blah blah..

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 26

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 11:40:15 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Here in Los Angeles, we have a problem with people who are killed when they try to beat a subway train across the tracks. It happens quite often, even though signs, and common sense should prevent it. We are all adults here. If you don't get it, it doesn't matter how big the sign is. Some people get hit by trains.

(in reply to slaveontheshore)

Post #: 27

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/12/2004 11:59:55 PM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

Right on to Estring and Sherri,

I think you both hit the nail on the head. It almost seems like people are under the assumption that just because someone identifies as being submissive. . .all of a sudden they are no longer rational adults that *actually* are able to function day to day without a whole bunch of "Dominant types" )or even one) stepping in to micro manage down to the minutae. Common sense gets most of us pretty far. . . dominant, submissive, slave, master, kinky. . .or whatever you choose to identify as.

*BUT* it will go on ad infinitum ad nauseum. "Do slaves need to be protected in chat?" "Do they need chaperones on a first meet?" "Should we start a council of dominants to reprimand other bad dominants?""How can we prevent the poor, defenseless, naive slaves from abuse from predators?" Blah blah blah.

I'm being totally facetious here. . .but I'm sure you get the point.

Cheers!

~Jules~

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 28

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 2:19:56 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How about meeting for the first time at a “munch” or similar social event?

My nearest munch is in Pawtucket, RI. (Don't ask me to start one. I am in the closet and have better things to do than sit alone in a restaurant.

[OK, thered be a female sub or two hundred.

])

That is about a 40 minute drive if traffic is kind. [or if my car learns to fly as the crow.

]

There are those not in megaopolises not as fortunate and staring at a three hour drive to a munch.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to slaveontheshore)

Post #: 29

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 5:21:19 AM

slaveontheshore

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline

Sherri....Thats a fair enough point.

Though in the vanilla world if were looking though personal ads, expressing income is commonly accepted. Demonstrating that I could be a good provider is not the sme thing as being a money slave or into financial domination. If I was into that I would have put it in my profile.

Its unfortunate that nobody seems to see the difference between providing for someone you love and admire and tolerating those in the lifestyle that would take advantage of people.

I started this post to answer a question. I think that the posts have been very honest and forthright and I think my question has been answered. Unfortunately, not the answer I had hoped for, but thats that way it goes.

Thank you to every one that has responded thus far.

(in reply to SherriA)

Post #: 30

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 6:35:25 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

So that what I am saying is absolutely clear for those who are saying that we shouldn't be Maternal/Paternal about subs, I am not arguing that we should be at all. Some practices in our community are thought of as being benign, others are considered dangerous, or just simply not cool things to do. Bad behavior. Bad actors.

Nobody here is going to try to take subbyJane by the hand and "protect" her from going to meet MasterBob, but if she asks the opinion of the group, she isn't going to get "do what you want. If an anonymous meeting isn't for you, don't do it, but there is nothing wrong with it", she's going to hear "that's not cool, subbyJane. The chance of you being exploited or worse by MasterBob is just too high, and MasterBob should know better than to even ask you to do that". I think that the general attitude and tone about "tribute" should be similar. The chances of exploitation are just too high, and it should come out of the "different strokes" category, and go into the "that ain't cool" category.

Just one opinion.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/13/2004 6:43:03 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to SherriA)

Post #: 31

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 6:48:18 AM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

Leonidas,
i agree with Your thoughts on this topic completely. i have also even seen Tributes used as a measure of someone's commitment to a relationship.

_____________________________

"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 32

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 6:52:24 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

I have seen it too. It is common with pimps. The whore being exploited is measured, and taught to measure herself, by the amount of money she is willing to hustle for her "man".

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/13/2004 6:56:56 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 33

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 8:53:04 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

So instead of tolerating this behavior, what should we do, kill the offenders? Tolerating something doesn't mean you agree with it. We all have expressed our displeasure at what some of these people do, but do you really think that makes any difference to someone who wants to give money to one of these Dommes? They will do it anyway.

(in reply to slaveontheshore)

Post #: 34

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 8:58:36 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

No, I don't think it will stop them, anymore than what we might say would stop subbyJane if she really wants to go meet MasterBob. I meant pretty much what I said; I'd like to see it in the "that ain't cool" category when the question is asked, especially by a newbie, instead of in the "live and let live" category. Just my opinion for someone who asked. Community attitudes about these things change over time. I'm just stating the direction in which I would personally like to see it change.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/13/2004 9:01:31 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 35

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 11:42:49 AM

dixiedumpling

Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline

Leonidas,
I don't think SherriA is saying tributes are moral or good or fair... insert your own word. She's saying to walk away. If you don't want to, then don't get into that situation. Good advice, I'd say.

I also see Your point about being put almost in a blackmail situation by ever starting it. Another reason to walk away.

Paying a tribute struck me as odd at first. However, you meet someone at a hotel, one of you pays. Most often the Dom. He sees it as His duty to pay for the room. Most are uncomfortable with the sub paying or even paying for half. I have sprung for the room when the Dom was having cash flow problems. Of course my smart mouth wouldn't be still. I had to ask how He felt about being paid for His services.

_____________________________

Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 36

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 1:55:35 PM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveontheshore
Though in the vanilla world if were looking though personal ads, expressing income is commonly accepted. Demonstrating that I could be a good provider is not the sme thing as being a money slave or into financial domination. If I was into that I would have put it in my profile.

I've never looked at vanilla personal ads, so I can only take your word for this. But, in the vanilla personal ads, do they list their income as an "interest"? Here on collarme, it's an interest, just like the rest of the fetishes (needles, collars/cuffs, singletail whips, etc). It's not part of the personal description. Do you see how listing it as an "interest" comes across as you possibly being interested in financial domination?

I think that if you want to state that you're a "good provider", then the place for that would be in the description, not under "interests". That's just my view, however.

quote:

Its unfortunate that nobody seems to see the difference between providing for someone you love and admire and tolerating those in the lifestyle that would take advantage of people.

The thing is, no one is being taken advantage of that I can see. If someone asks for tribute and you don't want to give it then you don't. Block the email if you don't want to hear from that person. How are you being taken advantage of simply by receiving an email that says the person sending it wants tribute in order to go further?

Even offline I don't see how someone can be taken advantage of by being asked for tribute. Again, you simply say no, and disengage if you're not into that. In that regard, it's no different from any other fetish. Don't like needles? Then don't hook up with someone who insists on needleplay as part of a scene.

I see a lot of people who look like they're being taken advantage of, or used, or whatever. But you know what? If they're happy in that situation, then who am I to say that their relationship shouldn't be tolerated? I simply choose not to engage in that type of interaction for myself. That's really all I can do (and all that I *should* do, from my perspective).

< Message edited by SherriA -- 8/13/2004 1:57:59 PM >

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to slaveontheshore)

Post #: 37

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 1:59:39 PM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules
I think you both hit the nail on the head. It almost seems like people are under the assumption that just because someone identifies as being submissive. . .all of a sudden they are no longer rational adults that *actually* are able to function day to day without a whole bunch of "Dominant types" )or even one) stepping in to micro manage down to the minutae. Common sense gets most of us pretty far. . . dominant, submissive, slave, master, kinky. . .or whatever you choose to identify as.

Personal responsibility is something I'm a big proponent of. Unfortunately, I don't see nearly enough of it, from either side of the slash. Fortunately, I'm able to choose who I associate with, and can pretty much keep those who lack this trait out of my immediate circle.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 38

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 2:03:45 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

The horse has to be thirsty.

It is important to not drown the horse. Of course, if your into dominant bestial necrophelia you could beat the dead horse.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 8/13/2004 2:08:04 PM >

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

Post #: 39

RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics? - 8/13/2004 2:03:57 PM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
Simply, I think that "tribute" as a condition set by the Domme for initiating or continuing a relationship should be just as frowned upon as MasterBob trying to lure a woman who knows nothing about him to a hotel room, and for exactly the same reason.

I can see your point, but it really doesn't resonate for me. If financial domination is someone's fetish why should we invalidate it? *IF* it's a fetish, then it's not the same thing as luring someone into a hotel room, at least as seen through my filters.

Could people abuse it? Of course. But people can turn anything into a negative. There are people who harm others by improperly using canes too. So should we warn everyone away from tops who like to cane?

Just like the people in the "bad" example you provide, people engaging in financial domination are adults, and they get to make their own mistakes (and hopefully learn from them.)

FWIW, if someone asked ME if she should go meet someone in a hotel room, I'd pretty much tell her that was her decision to make, her risk/reward analysis to do. I might point out the potential pitfalls, but I wouldn't suggest she shouldn't do it.

There goes that personal responsibility thing again.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Tributes and Fakers – Have we all become cynics?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094