RE: Bi or straight?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Bi or straight?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Bi or straight?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 4:26:23 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

Of course, I've been told that my gay card has been revoked when other gay men hear about *any* contact with women that I've had. Maybe my view is silly?

YES - your view is VERY silly!

On the other hand maybe it isn't. I consider myself straight. I have never wanted to have sex with a woman. But - when i watch bdsm sex movies, i want to watch women being hurt. I find it very ... stimulating.

I have no objection to my Sir ordering me to submit to a strap-on by a woman, or getting oral sex by a woman - i just wouldn't want to reciprocate. Does that make me bi? and does it really matter? or is it an arbitrary designation by people who want to catagorise the world? or is it just more comfortable for the world to have a label, so they can know from about where i am coming from? At the end of the day, i am who i am - and not you. or something.............

this message bought to you by Ramblesattheendoftheday.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 21

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 4:41:43 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

I think this was joking with me

If not, please elaborate, no one else has been able to

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 22

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 4:56:42 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Yes - i was kidding.

But in the long run - does it really matter? Are you going to lose a relationship because you slept with a woman? Will the designation of bi make you any less attractive to your prefered sex?

I don't think so.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 23

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 5:14:35 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

kiwisub,actually,there are a lot of gay men who will have a relationship with a gay man who has had sex with women before, or even one who "oops" got drunk and did so just the other day, but will turn a guy down if he identifies as bi. It almost seems like a political rather than sexual orientation thing, in some cases. It doesn't make much sense to me, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if Aravain has run into that attitude before.

VeryNastyDom, I dislike the "bicurious" label, since I feel it implies that I want to go out and try it. I've had a few people claim I can't be bisexual unless a) I like men and women equally well, b) have done specific sexual activities with women, c) have had a girlfriend, d) currently have *both* a boyfriend and a girlfriend, etc. (ironically, most of the people who have claimed this have been *gay* men, or heterosexual men, haven't run into it at all with women). For now, I just have decided to call myself "heteroflexible" instead. Everyone seems to understand what it means, and nobody *argues* with me about it.

MistressAinCT, I would strongly object to forced bi activity, but that is because I don't want casual sex with *anybody*, regardless of gender. If I'm not in or considering a relationship with someone, I generally don't think of them in a sexual way at all. If another woman wanted to be my girlfriend, and we seemed to be compatible, and I wasn't in a relationship that precluded it, I'd be willing to consider it. However, most women just don't make me feel *emotionally* the way I want to feel with my boyfriend, completely aside from attraction/being in love.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 2/7/2009 5:16:43 PM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 24

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 5:15:08 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Acts do not equal orientation.

I agree... I would also add that orientation doesn't dictate all Acts either.

Too often the acts don't fall in line with the orientation and vice vrs. This is what makes it so very complicated.... The motivation can be for a number of reasons for why we do what we do. Sometimes the Acts fall in line with the Orientation... sometimes it doesn't. We need to take a close look at what is motivating the acts before we just simply assume one is orientated that way just because they did X.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 25

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:05:30 PM

slaveboy291

Posts: 329
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline

I've noticed quite a few women on here call themselves bisexual but have zero interest in men(and even some have said that men who think a bi woman would be interested in a man are idiots)

Weird. I mean I'm not talking about someone who's looking for a lady and has a man but someone who has zero interest in men calling themselves bisexual. I've noticed this elsewhere as well.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 26

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:33:26 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

I've run into the exact opposite, Andalusite :(

Being gay (in the context that I don't like women sexually, or that I'm actually *openly* gay) makes me undatable to a good majority of guys here. They only want bisexual men, or straight men who are really just pretending to be straight normally, I suppose?

I dunno

Then the gay men think that the fact that I've *KISSED* a woman while not drunk makes me undatable (not to mention the other things).

So in general I'm just plain undatable in my present community, except by other men who feel the same way I do... or who don't care. Of course, they're all either twice my age, or too sexually similar (i.e. a relationship with two bottoms doesn't usually work well)... or just in general not someone I'd be interested in.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 27

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:53:35 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

slaveboy, a lot of the bisexual-but-not-looking-for-men women are already in a relationship with a man. They like men just fine, just aren't looking for another one. I *have* run into a couple of posters who have said that even though they are bisexual, they won't date bisexual men, which does seem a bit odd/hypocritical, but well, everyone has the right to set their personal standards for the people they'll date.

aravain, I'm definitely not an expert in that respect. I have several gay friends who I go dancing with occasionally, and some of the people at the gay bars or at parties we've attended have said that they won't date a guy who is bisexual, but will date a guy who has had sex with women. Their reasoning seemed to be that all bisexuals are greedy/promiscuous/etc., when I asked, but there are plenty of gay men who are that way, anyway.

I did BDSM play with a gay guy and a bicurious guy once, but there wasn't any genital play or overt sexual contact involved for any of us. I had them take turns holding each other's wrists down and otherwise doing some mild play together, and I wouldn't consider it to be "forced bi" for either the gay guy (with me) or the bicurious guy (with the gay guy).

I hope you find someone who is a good match for you - it must be frustrating, especially since if you were dishonest about it, you probably wouldn't have any shortage of partners. *sighs*

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 2/7/2009 6:55:28 PM >

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 28

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:59:56 PM

slaveboy291

Posts: 329
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

slaveboy, a lot of the bisexual-but-not-looking-for-men women are already in a relationship with a man.

Yes I know that and I mentioned in my message I wasn't referring to that, I was referring to women who say they are and not only have zero interest in men but even say that a bisexual woman wouldn't be interested in men. Which some have even going so far to call guys morons for approaching them.

quote:

I *have* run into a couple of posters who have said that even though they are bisexual, they won't date bisexual men, which does seem a bit odd/hypocritical, but well, everyone has the right to set their personal standards for the people they'll date.

It happens, guy wants to be 2 women. It's a man thing.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 29

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:03:43 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

slaveboy, I haven't run into that, so I certainly have no explanation. I'd think that if they were completely uninterested in men, that they'd identify as lesbian rather than bi.

On the second part, I meant bisexual women wouldn't date bisexual men., even in a monogamous relationship or one that was open only to other women, on general principle.

(in reply to slaveboy291)

Post #: 30

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:09:38 PM

slaveboy291

Posts: 329
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

slaveboy, I haven't run into that, so I certainly have no explanation. I'd think that if they were completely uninterested in men, that they'd identify as lesbian rather than bi.

I have, here and other places. And yeah that would be a lesbian but they refer to themselves as bisexual who leans to women only.

There was a time here at the end of 07 where there was a slew of ads from these women, all were very long and waited right until the very end to state gender preference and then screamed about guys messaging them even saying that as a bi woman they're not interested in men.

< Message edited by slaveboy291 -- 2/7/2009 7:11:44 PM >

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 31

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:18:01 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

~~FF~~ Most higher education classes (been out of high school way too long to know what they teach) that deal with sexuality seem to teach that you are born a homosexual, lesbian or a transgendered person, but bisexuality is on a continuum.
1 - 10 and all of us are at some degree on that continuum.
I know that Sir and I are. So we say we are straight cause we definitely are not attracted to the opposite sex like someone who enjoys both sexes equally.

I will edit to add my take a bit further~~ a homosexual is a man that loves/prefers men. A lesbian is a woman that loves/perfers women.

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 2/7/2009 7:21:11 PM >

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 32

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:19:42 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

My experience is that they teach multiple theories...

Nature
Nurture
and the 'continuum'

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 33

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:24:01 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

My experience is that they teach multiple theories...

Nature
Nurture
and the 'continuum'

Well that is the difference in the last 20-25 years since I finished~~~ too much note taking for this ole wench.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 34

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:32:47 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

too much note taking for me, too

If we don't know, lets just move on to something we *do* know.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 35

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 8:32:07 PM

Sfortzando

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/30/2009
Status: offline

Good freakin' lord - if I could definitively answer this question I'd go collect my Nobel Prize and spend the rest of my life sipping mojitos in the Virgin Islands.

Let's put it this way - I identify as a lesbian. I've never been with a man (and I can't even tell you how many men ask me that -_-), I don't want to be with a man, and the idea of sleeping with one turns me completely off. BUT, I find watching two men together really, really hot. Technically, that means I'm at least a slight bit attracted to men. I'm still not bi.

My mother, when she was younger, was in several long term sexual relationships with women. She then married my father, divorced him, and remarried. She considers herself heterosexual.

An aquaintence of mine, Stephen is a transgendered female to male who dates and sleeps with women exclusively. He hasn't had the sex change operation yet, and so he considers himself a lesbian.

Then there's my younger sister. She makes out with girls for fun, only dates guys, and completely buys in to the nuclear family with a mom, dad, two-poin-five kids, a white picket fence and a dog named Spot. She calls herself bisexual.

Kinsey said, in essence, that we're all bisexual - the real question being how bisexual we are. I think he almost had it. The real question, as far as I'm concerned, is what rings true for the individual. For me, it's that I'm gay. For someone else in my exact same situation, is could be something else.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 36

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 8:35:33 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

I... love your name. I'm becoming a fan of you just for that o.o

(in reply to Sfortzando)

Post #: 37

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/8/2009 2:45:52 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboy291

I've noticed quite a few women on here call themselves bisexual but have zero interest in men(and even some have said that men who think a bi woman would be interested in a man are idiots)

Well some days I fancy chips and other days I fancy salad, does that mean on the days that I fancy salad I have stopped liking chips?

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to slaveboy291)

Post #: 38

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/8/2009 8:23:07 AM

slaveboy291

Posts: 329
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboy291

I've noticed quite a few women on here call themselves bisexual but have zero interest in men(and even some have said that men who think a bi woman would be interested in a man are idiots)

Well some days I fancy chips and other days I fancy salad, does that mean on the days that I fancy salad I have stopped liking chips?

Well they don't fancy one day one and another the other day. They say right there, they have ZERO INTEREST. As one member said, they are in fact lesbians who for some reason call themselves bisexual. Either they don't know what bi means or who knows.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 39

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/8/2009 8:55:01 AM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

I am confounded by the desire of people to put everyone in a category. Race, religion, and sexual orientation seem to be the most popular. If I dreamed of nothing but penises penetrating me all day long but only ever had sex with women would I be more bisexual than if I alternated daily between sex with men and women and despised doing it with men but couldn't bear them not liking me? To me, the only thing that matters is what someone feels about themselves. That's what makes them bi, because they say it. Maybe they say it so they can get "Joe" or "Joanne", who says he is looking for a bisexual, will like them. Only they know the answer, and their answer is only good for them. (Please don't ask about "Joe" or "Joanne", they are made up people.)

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to slaveboy291)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Bi or straight?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094