RE: I want you, but want to change you (Full Version)

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MissSepphora1 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 6:50:19 PM)

I love the... "but you can sub for me" doms.  That's my favorite.
Oh, yeah, like that's no big deal.  I'll get right on that... NEVER!



frazzle121 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 6:56:57 PM)

We all know, toilet seat down and cap put on tooth paste is a pipe dream. They arent major changes.

Sorry Male folk, its a fact.

I have recently met someone who accepts my quirks, it was a general question that i hadnt seen asked before.

And yes i was curious. Each to there own.

This was aimed as a fun thread.




Maya2001 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 6:59:23 PM)

I know what you mean ..I ended up spending 2 months talking to a dom who is telling me I am what he is looking for and then starts telling how I can change to please him going the opposite of what we had discussed ....I state that I am straight and I do have not have the slightest  curiousity  about females, I get told I will learn to enjoy this is what he wants... I have medical problems that doctors recommend I don't drink ..but the dom tells me a couple a day is fine...he even wanted me to be able to smoke up at times to relax me.....but I have already told him it causes nausea  and dizziness therefore I stopped trying it years ago ...He went even as far as to tell which of my prescriptions meds I should not take... and that he want me to be very forward  sexually and take the lead and to be extroverted which is the opposite of who I naturally am.  he wants me to switch an have a personal female slave.. and that he wanted me to top him from time to time. finally after continually telling him no to this and that .. I told him to find someone else who is more compatible to what he seeks and suggested he should be honest about what he wants up front ....and that just maybe he would have more luck in his search  to do  but I am not for sale...I added that since he seemed to like reminding me on a continual basis that he was a a president of an international trading company and had a 7 cabin yacht , multiple homes, does not do manual labor himself and the bragging list went on and on.   ... and least I know now he is not getting turned down by others like he claims simply because he weighs a few extra pounds.<rolls eyes>



frazzle121 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 7:03:59 PM)

smiles            My best or worst, depending how you see it, was i want you to work. I run my own business from home. i was given 3 hours a day to deal with work. Yeah right.         he tapped his watch if a business call ran over my allotted business hours.



RealSub58 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 7:12:33 PM)

~~FF~~ I think I read more that the D type wants to make and mold an s or a maso type into what they want, rather than accepting the s type who and what they are.  Possibly and probably molding and making a doormat into what is compatable for them is easier than finding genuine compatability



oceanwynds -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 7:18:58 PM)

Well, you could offer them some good clay to mode, but that wouldnt work for me. I would have my hands on it and play with it. I love clay and play-dooh



jennifer819 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 7:39:46 PM)

Thats the make or break factor for me right there.I wouldnt pursue a relationship with someone who was trying to change me to fit an ideal they had in mind if it wasnt compatible with who i am or what i want for my life.Now a Dominant who can see me as a person,including my strenths,goals,flaws,dreams and help mold me into a better version of myself thats the hottest thing in the world.I think its a good thing to put expectations out there in the early stages of a relationship.To me a partner requiring me to seek to improve myself in everyday isnt unreasonable.I desire a partner with that same hunger.One of the most inspiring things ive heard said is "if youre not trying to be better you are letting yourself go" that may not be it exactly but it was along those lines.Now im certainly not perfect and never will be and i lose my way as we all do from time to time but having that philosophy reinforced helps me find my way back.



MarcEsadrian -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 9:42:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121

Why do so many say "I want to modify you"? Read the profiles, i know that takes time,  but if they don't match what you're looking for, move on. 



Agreed. Truly "modifying" someone to the extreme is a pretty tall order. I generally advise finding an individual who is naturally in the ballpark with your ideals. The conditioning and training that follows should be enjoyable and rewarding, not at all like renovating a dilapidated building from the 1930's.




MG4Apuppygirl -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 10:04:37 PM)

Wouldn't be much point wanting to be a puppygirl if you weren't prepared to have your behavioural characteristics modified to adopt the appropriate persona, your physical prescence modified or your personality adjusted and controlled to the very point of complete dependancy. Virtually any form of role play would constitute some form of modification, behavioural, physically or otherwise. 



OneMoreWaste -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 10:37:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121
I would love to lose weight, quit smoking, and if He could help me all well and good. 

Its He read my profile, liked what he saw and contacted me.  Then says well, i want to totally change you.          

As i said to start it doesnt upset me, I'm just confused as to why.

You either like me or you dont.


Maybe there are other examples that you're not detailing, but if somebody wants you to stop smoking or lose weight, they're not changing *you*. They're changing your appearance, or your behaviors... but you're more than the sum of those, are you not?

I'd be just fine with somebody who wanted to change me- let me tell ya, having everybody want you to become a completely different person *before* they'll even show any interest in you- is not so much of the picnic neither.



devotedinSD -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/7/2009 11:25:57 PM)

I see nothing wrong in changing a bit to please my master. Hopefully that would be me changing for the better. I would not force a relationship though where there is clearly a personality incompatibility.



StormsSlave -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 2:20:20 AM)

I've always read about how women are trying to always change men, but that hasn't been the case in my universe.  The men I have been with always seem to want me...only better..less sarcastic...more "subjective" to the relationship...less argumentative...or more of something...more domestic...more outgoing...more retiring...more wifely...more confident...blah blah blah

My Lord is the first man I have ever been with who seems to truly have the ability to let me be me.  Occasionally he will check on a behavior or an issue in our lives, but normally he allows me to just be.  It's refreshing and feels good.



myotherself -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 3:42:14 AM)

~FR~

It seems to be a common trait among some doms - the ones who can't find what they want, so they 'settle' for what they don't want and then try to crowbar that person into what they really want.

A few months ago I started chatting to a guy.  We talked for quite a while, and whatever my answer to his questions about appearance, weight, body type, hobbies, work etc, he would reply 'perfect'.

He asked my hard limits and I made it clear that these are carved in stone, never to be messed with limits.  These included: I don't share, I don't do bi, play/relationships can't interfere with work, my family is a priority (parents are both ill), and I'm working on losing weight (70lbs so far, and a little more to go) and want to reach my goal weight.  I also made it clear I'm a masochist, I'm a sub but definitely not a slave.  And I'm not going to play until I'm ready. Not a problem, he said.

And then we met.  He tells me that he wants to pay for liposuction and other similar surgeries.  He wants my boobs to be bigger so I'd have to have implants.  I wouldn't be allowed to wear any underwear, any time (including at work - I work in a school).  He'd expect to lend me to other doms to use, and that I'd have to 'get used' to having sex with other women and in groups.  Oh, and after I've been to the toilets to remove my underwear to hand over to him, I was to feed him peanuts like a good little slave girl.

Fortunately the exit door is near the ladies toilet...[:)]



Voodali -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 4:16:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121
I would love to lose weight, quit smoking, and if He could help me all well and good.

Its He read my profile, liked what he saw and contacted me. Then says well, i want to totally change you.

As i said to start it doesnt upset me, I'm just confused as to why.

You either like me or you dont.




It may be that like for me, molding someone is more of a kink for him, a pleasurable activity, like cultivating a bonsai, or chipping at an already beautiful block of marble to create a masterpiece.  When I look for a sub, I am hoping for someone I genuinely like as they are, but I get a fantastic power rush when I demand that they change something, and they change it. Narcissistic, perverse and wrong, I know, but that's why I'm here and not eHarmony.  For perversity and wrongness.



DesFIP -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 4:37:10 AM)

For some people, changing someone is the kink. After all, how much more control can you have than by changing someone in major ways?



feydeplume -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 4:40:12 AM)

I had one years and years ago that wanted to make me taller. Now losing weight or getting in better physical shape are possible, in many cases. But making someone taller by 4 inches is not. He wasn't talking about high heels or a slouch, I have very good posture, possible because i am short) but just by demanding it of me. I didn't even stay around to ask how he thought he was going to demand I get taller or why he thought i HAD to be taller, like it was a deal breaker on his side.





lateralist1 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 4:58:55 AM)

Thankyou all for sharing some of your insights and experiences.
I always knew there are some strange people out there lol.
Everyone compromises to a certain extent in a relationship.
Submissive people tend to compromise more than dominant people. 
I couldn't deal with a sub who was always giving me flack about my smoking.
Growth should be part of life and often a relationship helps one grow.
There are some things I mght have to change about my partner.
I don't believe that you can find a perfect match.



CatdeMedici -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 5:16:37 AM)

thought process:
 
< ok her pic looks good, I'm sure she has big boobs and a decent ass, so if I can get her to think I rock, I can change those silly ways of hers and make her devoted to me and 'herman"--after all that's all women really need---a food f*^%k on occasion--yeah I can do that--wow those lips would feel really nice around 'old herman'. She's just filled with those silly notions because she hasn't met a real man.>
 
the prosecution rests.
 
 
 
 



frazzle121 -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 5:18:06 AM)

Thanks to all.

My keyboard is the only thing bitching, coz i gave it a cola bath at some of the replies.

I suppose the height thing could be dealt with using a rack, but not sure we'd be abe to stand and show the results.

Yes im warped and happy being so.      And i still say ive never managed to change a man to extent he puts loo seat down.




feydeplume -> RE: I want you, but want to change you (2/8/2009 5:18:56 AM)

*snort*  Thanks for the incite (giggle).



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