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RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 12:36:14 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Didnt read through all the responses but here goes.
Obviously you will have to improve your communications with one another to a degree and have a discussion about what he was up to and lay down a foundation for what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship.  If you start searching through everything he has and keep doing that then you will get paranoid and jump at every little thing and that will just make you go mad.  You can purchase a key logger if his main internet access is at your home.  You might want to try meeting him half way on shit and searching the profiles and doing the CM stuff as a couple and not individually. If you start doing a lot of hunting around through his stuff and making him jump through hoops then you will loose him as far as viewing him as your Dom. So basically although you will hate this and I will probably get blasted but you might just have to suck it up and move on.... as in move on with your relationship.  You might want to read Fanny Hill ... you can download it for free online. It might offer a little tad of inspiration in your situation.

Based on what you have said you want to keep the relationship continuing and the only thing I can really think of is to just address the basics as far as what it is he said that made you feel badly about yourself then pat you on the head and say "Good girl, now suck it up and take it like a woman" (on her knees of course... lol). Trust will come back in time but talking about it wont change the facts of what happened and his reasons probably have nothing to do with you believe it or not. Ask yourself this... do you want to go to bed alone or with him? Going at it alone and finding another Mr. right is probably your best bet... however, judging by this site I would say that unless you want to spend a few years doing every guy with a dick and a whip your best bet is to repair the damage ... find out why he feels inadequate and work to resolve his issues.... they are not your issues... they are his.. he just forced on to you. If you make yourself and your feelings the center of attention it does nothing to actually solve the problem.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 12:41:10 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Once the foundation of a relationship (trust) is broken it is not easily repaired. You have some soul searching to do. Is this man really "the one" or could there be someone else out there that would not lie to you and make you feel like shit?

If he lies to you time after time, it is a behavior that he has gotten accustomed to getting away with. So ask yourself can you trust someone who lies to you? For me the answer would be no, for you....well that is your decision.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 4:45:54 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		This is why I say slavery as it pertains to the D/s lifestyle is only an extreme type of escapism. If you were a slave this thread would not exist because you would not have a choice. Yes slaves have feelings, but they don't have freedom. So running should be out of the question.

It's your life man follow the path that brings you the most peace. But perhaps you should rethink the label you have chosen to describe yourself. That may bring you more happiness in the long run.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 4:53:58 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		so running should be out of the question? no matter what form of slavery is being talked about, running is always an option. In consensual slavery it is still an option. and in the case she is presenting, she isn't trying to run away, she is trying to get back in her master's good graces where she feels safe. He is the one running away from her, not her from him. 

And where do you get the idea that your "should" comes into someone else's life?


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 4:58:57 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

This is why I say slavery as it pertains to the D/s lifestyle is only an extreme type of escapism. If you were a slave this thread would not exist because you would not have a choice. Yes slaves have feelings, but they don't have freedom. So running should be out of the question.

It's your life man follow the path that brings you the most peace. But perhaps you should rethink the label you have chosen to describe yourself. That may bring you more happiness in the long run.

You have never had a slave, have you?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 5:25:30 PM   
MasterMDOM


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		I would walk away. Some things are just too broke to be fixed.  We all fall into the trap of trying to change people but in the end, you find you can only change yourself.  Good luck and honor yourself.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 5:33:16 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OP, you can not make him be worthy of your trust. He has proven repeatedly that he is not. Its a lost cause.

IMHO, he doesn't deserve you. He sounds like a real jerk.

If it were me, I'd leave him and not look back. Why are you letting him jack you around? You're wasting your precious time, with him.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Cut your losses, while you still have your youth.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm very tired of sweetiepies like you letting yourselves be hurt again and again. Why are you letting this go on?
 
 


_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/10/2009 10:11:44 PM   
Sfortzando


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/30/2009
Status: offline 		Cliche or not - it stands true. Trust is like a glass - once it's broken, it can't ever be really fixed. You can glue the pieces back together, but it ain't gonna hold water.

So I'd drop him like third period French and find someone more worthwhile.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 9:36:01 AM   
sensura


Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
Status: offline 		In my eyes there are three requirements in a dom/sub realtionship  Love, Honesty, Respect and from what I read he is lacking all three. Why stay with someone who cant give you those basic characteristics to make a good relationship. Just because he is your Master does not give him the right to treat you that way. In my eyes he isnt a true Master. In the end its your choice and I wish you the best

Sensura

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 10:35:06 AM   
weleda


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

Hello Fellow Friends,

Alot of you helped me with my last problem, so I am here for a second round.

More recently, the trust between my Master and i has been estranged.  i do not trust Him in any sense of the way, right now.  W/we have a different kind of M/s relationship, but it is our relationship.  Anyways...He has done quite a few things behind my back and has even considered taking another slave, unbenounced to me.  Now, i know that a Master has pergogative, but in most of the M/s relationships i know, it is discussed first with all involved.  Plus, He has hurt my self-esteem and made me feel inadequate, unintentionally! 

With all the above and a few other things, He has cause me to have a total distrust in Him.  Now, i am not one who goes running away just because of a hiccup in a relationship, but i need help.

How can the trust be re-invented between a slave and Master once completely broken?  How can a slave feel safe again, even though she has reservations?  I just need to know that, this has a chance.

Thank you for your help!


Cut your losses and move on.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 5:38:45 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

i require complete trust, honesty, and loyalty in this lifestyle


then why are you still with him??? Do you not think you are worthy of better??? he is not the only dom out there .. not all are so selfish to think only of themselves
being a slave does not mean you have to be a doormat and accept all that is handed out if it is not what you want ... what you seek is not in this person to give


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 5:47:36 PM   
emtp1132


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/2/2004
Status: offline 		In all relationships, public as well as private there are corner stones to all relationships. These are communication, trust and respect. With out these, then there is nothing to build upon.
So you need to decide what is in your best fortune. If you are tired of being manipulated. Then you need to seek an alternetive choice. That will be in your best interest.
Good luck stay safe be well.

(in reply to weleda)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 6:19:04 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

i require complete trust, honesty, and loyalty in this lifestyle.  

No, you don't. That is the problem.

i have given Him opportunity after opportunity and chance after chance...

Yes, you have. See above.
 
To truly REQUIRE complete trust, honesty and loyalty, will mean that you leave him, because he has proven himself incapable and unworthy of it.

i cannot play this hand of poker anymore

Yes, you can. But will you? I hope not. How much longer will you go on like this?
 
When will you be brave enough to stop compromising your values? How badly will he have to hurt you, and for how much longer, until you finally stop letting him?



Remember the rule of the hole, Dear. When you're in one, stop digging!
 
If you desire a different outcome, you must change your actions.

You cannot make him want to change. And why should he? You've taught him by your responses, to continue acting the way he does.The relationship is poisoned. The sooner you realize this, and end it, the sooner you can begin to heal. While you remain with him, you will not be able to heal because he will continue to hurt you.

If you were standing in a burning house, would you just continue to stand there until you burnt to death?

Run for your life.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 7:21:59 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		I am humbled and overwhelmed by the amount of support!  I cannot thank everyone enough! 

Today was a better day for me emotionally.  I actually had a few moments to sit back and relax and think about my situation.  I have to agree that...I think it is time to run away.  I am afraid to run though, because i do not know how to handle being without a Master.  I lived without a Master my whole life, because i was afraid of being judged.  Now that I am finally with a Master, i do not want to go back to being vanilla.  I loathe vanilla, i feel like a freak being vanilla, because that is not who i am.

So, saying i leave Him...How can i deal with the aftermath...being without a Master and not be enslaved?  It is in my blood and i would hunger for it, much like i did before i finally broke down and found a Master.

Now, i go from one problem to the next...when will it end?  The madness!!!  I swear, my life is a soap opera and i am sick of it!

Thank you so much my kind friends!  i feel i have strength now. 

Hugs!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/11/2009 7:43:01 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		ENJOY being single. You won't have an asshole ruining your day. It will feel GREAT once you realize this, and begin to enjoy your new-found peace of mind.

Use the time to heal, and to do things that help you gain self esteem so that you will value yourself and your well-being too much to ever let it be compromised again.

You will not be vanilla. YOU will be your master. You will own yourself.
 
Be the kind of owner you deserve.
 
Then, when you go looking again, you'll be the kind of woman who will attract a great master. Because you won't settle for less.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/13/2009 10:32:56 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		It sounds like you think you *need* a master or you'll be this awful thing called ..*vanilla*. That's rot.

Get a grip.....lol. How do you think everone else manages when they don't have a master or sub?

They are just people looking for something specific. It's not an either/or thing simply because you do or don't have a partner.

You'll be the same *you* with this bloke as you are without him.

agirl




< Message edited by agirl -- 2/13/2009 10:33:44 AM >

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/16/2009 8:57:56 PM   
cuckboy67


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Why is it that some on this site are asking for tribute or some other type of payment ? If a pro needs to advertertize then they should use a pay site for the perpose, It is also against the rules on this for those type of people. I feel this site is for real people tring to find others in the same lifestyle not a place for employment.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/18/2009 8:43:58 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		I am totally confused by the last post.

Can someone explain to me, what on Earth the person above this response is saying?  I am a really smart girl and I cannot figure it out.

Thanks!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to cuckboy67)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/18/2009 8:51:20 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know whats going on with the OP
but as a general rule of thumb:
No trust=No relationship
In any way shape or form.
Trust is the root of everything
I cannot be friends with you if I don't trust you
I won't do business with you
I certainly won't let you in my house
Which means I ain't going to get in a relationship with someone I don't trust

Why is it in BDSM that people jump into the sack with folks they wouldn't have coffee with?
Sheesh

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/18/2009 8:56:48 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		I am the OP, and there is nothing wrong with me.  I just happened to love this man and care alot about him and believe in fixing things.  I believe in working on relationships, nit just passing them to the curb at the first sign of turbulance.  I look at marriage the same way. 

Plus, I would like to add...Why do you think sex is invloved?  BDSM does not have to include sex, they are two separate entities. 

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 60
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