online relationships

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

online relationships

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> online relationships

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

online relationships - 2/12/2009 10:09:39 PM

johnsub9az

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/12/2009
Status: offline

Alright, I'll be the first to admit it, I'm a huge internet nerd. I tend to look for love online in all the wrong places, like yahoo chatrooms. Occassionally I get what I ask for (without being careful enough to realize exactly what I'm asking for) and I might meet someone I become really serious about. This has definitely happened at least once. I'll then proceed to become extremely depressed at being so far away from this Dominant Female, and basically lose interest in all life activities and basically want to die. I'm not saying this is like a regular occurance, but it's happened at least once.

What is everyone's opinion on online long distance Domme/sub relationships. I'm starting to wonder if this is even for me, or well... let's just say I'm really confused and don't know what to do. I'm currently thinking about what to do with a Woman that possibly ignores me a little more than I'd like, which I kind of think is understandable cause I can't really offer any of the usual submissive relationship things besides conversation. I end up extremely depressed because of this due to neither giving the submission that I have to give or receiving attention that I also love very much.

So my question is:
What are your experiences with online Domme/sub relationships where words like love start getting tossed around? What are your opinions on these sorts of long distance relationships?

< Message edited by johnsub9az -- 2/12/2009 11:09:12 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: online relationships - 2/12/2009 10:51:29 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

I think you're insecure, and you have intimacy issues.

Otherwise you'd get with someone who you had a reasonable expectation of actually getting to know in person, fairly quickly.

Getting involved with someone who is far away feels safer for you. Until you start to miss what you're um... missing. You fear intimacy, while at the same time you crave it like anyone else would.

We all have fears. The difference is in how we handle them.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to johnsub9az)

Post #: 2

RE: online relationships - 2/12/2009 11:26:35 PM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

john,

In the online world of "Second Life," I have a wonderful Mistress that I have only seen as an avatar and only spoken to through in-game IM and chat. We have been very cautious about taking our relationship into RL, although we often talk in game about our real life issues when we have a little quiet time. She has been so unbelievably thoughtful to me despite having several other subs in that world. Now, we only ever see each other when we are both playing, which is at most a couple of hour in the evening on the average, so what seems like all of our time together is really only a relatively small amount.

We have not revealed to each other actual names, photos, addresses but speak in great detail about ourselves to each other to the point that she is the most honest and open relationship that I have in my life. When we part, we do occasionally say " I love you" and I feel like I mean it when I do. One thing we have discussed is that we will never be the "real thing" for each other. She has been very supportive of me in my search for a real life partner. When the time comes, I think I'll have to give her up, but it will be difficult for certain.

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 3

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 4:03:42 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

I'm against long distance/on line relationships because to often than not, they never turn real time. If a person is actually serious about meeting and making things work, then that's one thing. But I don't want to waste my time with text or phone calls on a project that will never pan out. I, personally, could never do a d/s relationship on line. I've tried, it sucks for me. I'm not into taking orders from invisible people and I get bored too fast to give orders. "Don't jerk off for a week" "Put clothes pins on your balls" blah blah. What's in it for me? Nothing. I'd rather be in a romantic long distance relationship than a d/s one...but that's just me.

My point is, real time meeting would have to be a goal for me to consider the idea.

(in reply to YoursMistress)

Post #: 4

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 4:28:09 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

I believe there is a difference between an online relationship and a long distance relationship.

I am currently in a LDR, it is manifested, maintained and continued online--but he is more than a flat screen.

Online relationships for a myriad of reasons are the flat screen.

There are a thousand stories in the naked city--there are places for all types of relationships based on needs, desires, wants, limitations. One thing remains constant in all of them: know what you are getting into and if it isn't fulfilling get out or shut up.

For every story of success, there are thousands of failure, what is most annoying is someone who continues to go in to a relationship knowing the challenges, obstacles etc--keeps walking into it then is shocked or whines when it fails. Analyze it, define it, determine if that's where you want to be and deal with the highs and lows.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to johnsub9az)

Post #: 5

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 4:46:01 AM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline

I'm concerned about a couple of things you say (I don't know how to use the "quote" gizmo here so I'll just paraphrase)

I'll then proceed to become extremely depressed at being so far away from this Dominant Female, and basically lose interest in all life activities and basically want to die. I'm not saying this is like a regular occurance, but it's happened at least once.

you want to DIE? Isn't that a bit extreme over someone you never met and maybe never will? And if you lose interest in life and all activities, then being in BDSM or D/s isn't going to solve anything in fact, it may make it worse. The longing a slave has for his Mistress whether he live across the street or across the globe is a natural thing many actually get off on-absense makes the heart grow fonder. If you want to end your life each time a relationship goes awry, then you need more than we can give you here-you need professional guidance.

I end up extremely depressed because of this due to neither giving the submission that I have to give or receiving attention that I also love very much.

Neediness shouldn't be an excuse for wanting ANY relationship never mind a BDSM one. I for one don't have the patience or time for someone who wants Me to pay attention to them 24/7. And if you want attention, why are you seeking online-why not go RT? Do you think your Mistress will be online ALL THE TIME talking to you and giving you tasks, tasks you say you won't complete because you get bored? Why bother?

I agree with Cat-Long distance and online ARE different. you can have an online relationship with someone next door. I have had long distance relationships and online was what we used for communication but we had weekends of RT. But I have to admit that even that wasn't enough and eventually, these relationships fell apart.

Do what you feel is necessary to make you happy, but if you are looking for people to tell you its all right to have online or long distance, that isn't going to happen. What is right for some people might not be for others. However, I believe you need to do some more "you" searching before you try and start a relationship that is going to end in your suicide (which I doubt will happen-its another cry for attention). Ask yourself this: "WHY do I want to be a submissive?" and see what you come up with. Be honest with yourself because if you ever DO have RT, it might not be what you think.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 6

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 4:52:28 AM

LunaVenus

Posts: 161
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline

I MUST meet my online boyfriend regularly in person and make love . At least once a month or I will also be depressed. I am not a sadist so I have no need for putting clothes pins on his nipples or any of that. But I must be LOVED by him at least once a month and in person

< Message edited by LunaVenus -- 2/13/2009 4:55:46 AM >

_____________________________

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1jAuT5blcko

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 7

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 5:01:46 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

To a small extent i can understand how vexing the OP's problem is with depression.I have been depressed numerous times over the years but none of it had to do with Mistress.As stated,we are in a LDR and i am more than just a flat screen.We are in contact constantly and i am soothed daily by her voice which is in my heart and head,her smile,and her kindness.She once said that as her submissive,i was hitting the ball out of the park.Well,if that is true,she built the park.As a side note,and this is only advice,take up a hobby or go for a walk.Read a book..do something.Because wallowing will not help whatsoever.

(in reply to LunaVenus)

Post #: 8

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 5:09:21 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Nicely stated chezz.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to chezzy71)

Post #: 9

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 6:04:44 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

Thank you Mistress.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 10

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 6:11:54 AM

TwilightsKitten

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline

For me, the online aspect is a "get to know them" period, with the goal being to find someone compatible to start an in person relationship with. We all need time to get to know someone, and online is a safe way to do it, but ultimately, if you are serious about a relationship, the online aspect should just be a stop along the road, not the destination. Mew.

And shame on me for not paying attention to where this was posted, apologies.

< Message edited by TwilightsKitten -- 2/13/2009 6:14:42 AM >

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to chezzy71)

Post #: 11

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 6:44:51 AM

subtex

Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

I think you're insecure, and you have intimacy issues.

Otherwise you'd get with someone who you had a reasonable expectation of actually getting to know in person, fairly quickly.

That's easier said than done. I was in a LDR because I couldn't find anyone local. As you know there are lots of sub males and not a lot of dominant females. If you are online there is a greater chance of finding someone you mesh with but odds are they aren't going to live close by.

I've sworn off LDR's because they are just too hard. Once in a great while I'll get an email from some far away place that sounds tempting (not like the one I got from Dakar :) but I let them know upfront I won't do an LDR. Gosh, better single than LDR? I guess that's what I'm saying.

Bill

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 12

RE: online relationships - 2/13/2009 8:28:30 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5173
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

John lives in a state where there are two large BDSM organizations....APEX in Phoenix, and Desert Dominion in Tucson. The Southwest Leather Conference just took place in Phoenix a month ago. Even if he doesn't live in those cities he can do as we do...attend when we have a free weekend. We've been told by a friend in the area that there is a munch in the Phoenix area nearly every day of the week. Online is NOT the only option he has. So if online relationships make him feel depressed, perhaps John should try to find a real time one for a change.

(in reply to johnsub9az)

Post #: 13

RE: online relationships - 2/14/2009 1:23:09 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

The biggest single determining factor as to whether a relationship works out or not are the two people involved.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to johnsub9az)

Post #: 14

RE: online relationships - 2/14/2009 1:56:58 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

John,

In a few short days Pet and I will be celebrating two years together. In May, two years together as owner and pet. While we have met a handful of times (1-4 week meetings), it has been predominately online. I feel like the beacon of light for online relationships, the counter example and glimmer of hope. It can work... but it takes exactly that: work.

The hardest part is bridging the gap. Both members have to be willing to view it as a real and deep view of the relationship. It won't work when someone sees it as their online fling. Making it feel real is tough.. It's kind of like being in prison. Right now I'm looking at a Valentine's Day box that was sent to me =/.

My father keeps a much more simple view on life. His criticism is "she gets what she wants: attention, love, protection, support, and you... what do you get?" (With that tone suggesting 'not getting laid'). That is another difference, another gap to be bridged. Pet has gotten very good at making sounds. Her slavish willingness is exceeding the quality of most BDSM porn stars - a point of pride for me. Also, I get my sadistic jollies from hearing her squeal. Sadly... the system we have involves her following my commands... Striking herself, gagging herself, fucking herself... I admit, it's not the most ideal situation, but it can fulfill some people. Others would simply get bored and move on. The latter cannot handle the particular stresses of an online relationship.

Consider the future. Together. Together.

Take time together to discuss each other's goals and hopes. If one aims to keep it as a long distance relationship forever and the other wants to one day meet, there is discord. Discord is the first step toward anger. And as we all know, anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to pain, and pain leads to suffering HHRRRMMMM!!.

I'm a big dork. Pet and I met playing World of Warcraft =P.

In short, I don't like long distance relationships. They're terribly difficult, often fail, and require a different skillset of love. But there are exceptions... Like Pet.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to johnsub9az)

Post #: 15

RE: online relationships - 2/14/2009 2:05:31 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

HeavansKeeper wrote:
In a few short days Pet and I will be celebrating two years together. In May, two years together as owner and pet. While we have met a handful of times (1-4 week meetings), it has been predominately online. I feel like the beacon of light for online relationships, the counter example and glimmer of hope. It can work... but it takes exactly that: work.

Congratulations!

Kita and I will have been together for two years in mid-June, mainly online plus three two-week visits so far and another one being planned so we can spend our anniversary together. As you say, it takes work and commitment: pretty much like any relationship, really.

beeble.

_____________________________

Kita's owned slutpet.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 16

RE: online relationships - 2/15/2009 5:18:53 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I follow what is probably common practice among many people online; I won't get into an intimate BDSM-type relationship with someone who lives more than a certain distance away from me. Now, this doesn't mean I won't make friends with people in the lifestyle; my best friend, outside my husband and the other couple we are lovers with, lives nearly a thousand miles away, is a submissive, and we have never met face to face. But long distances, especially overseas....no. The internet is a good way to meet, and a good way to communicate, but it is no substitute at all for actually meeting and giving someone a good paddling.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 17

RE: online relationships - 2/15/2009 10:18:40 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming
I think you're insecure, and you have intimacy issues.

Otherwise you'd get with someone who you had a reasonable expectation of actually getting to know in person, fairly quickly.

Getting involved with someone who is far away feels safer for you. Until you start to miss what you're um... missing. You fear intimacy, while at the same time you crave it like anyone else would.

We all have fears. The difference is in how we handle them.

Ditto! M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 18

RE: online relationships - 2/15/2009 10:27:41 AM

Youresomine

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

I think online is good for the initial weeding out/meeting process. Beyond that, holding a "relationship" online is just a bad idea. You never know what kind of chemistry you have with a person until you meet. Meerly their natural scent can be a turn-off. It also lacks something when it's not in person.

(in reply to johnsub9az)

Post #: 19

RE: online relationships - 2/15/2009 11:44:53 AM

AngelicaGoddess

Posts: 61
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

I had several online relationships that were taken offline... I see online as just another way to meet people, but after a while I simply prefer to meet in real life

(in reply to Youresomine)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> online relationships

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125