A simple question....

A simple question.... (Full Version)

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TwilightsKitten -> A simple question.... (2/12/2009 11:37:28 PM)
I am still a bit new to the lifestyle, and when I started, my Mistress found me. Later on, after being on my own, a pet found me as well. The pet had heard things about me and my personality and shyly approached me about it. The question is, as I am still new, how common is it for a pet to approach a dom that they find interesting? My thinking is that, having known some confident subs, that some would, and some wouldn't. And, is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? And I guess I should mention that I am thinking more along the lines of a pet type submissive.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: A simple question.... (2/12/2009 11:58:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten The question is, as I am still new, how common is it for a pet to approach a dom that they find interesting? My thinking is that, having known some confident subs, that some would, and some wouldn't. I do it all the time, or at least any time I meet someone who interests me... which admittedly happens very rarely, but still, I would never hesitate to approach someone to whom I'm attracted. Why not do it? If you want something, go and get it. quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten And, is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? No, not at all - assuming they do so in a reasonably polite and civilized manner. It's just two adult human beings getting to know one another, same as any other setting.

TwilightsKitten -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 12:05:00 AM)
Thank you for the reply. Being a switch, I just wanted to make sure it would be acceptable to approach a dom if I found one that interested me, or if a pet took an interest in me, if they would approach me. As I said, I'm still new, but always looking to learn more. Once again, thank you. Mew!

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 12:09:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten Thank you for the reply. Being a switch, I just wanted to make sure it would be acceptable to approach a dom if I found one that interested me, or if a pet took an interest in me, if they would approach me. As I said, I'm still new, but always looking to learn more. Once again, thank you. Mew! Yep - go get 'em! It's possible you may run into some dom someday who does take some offense, but if they do, they've just taught you something very valuable about how seriously they take themselves. Good luck, and welcome to the forums!

StrangerThan -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 2:48:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten Thank you for the reply. Being a switch, I just wanted to make sure it would be acceptable to approach a dom if I found one that interested me, or if a pet took an interest in me, if they would approach me. As I said, I'm still new, but always looking to learn more. Once again, thank you. Mew! Go for it. And quit worrying about what's acceptable. Someone here once said they didn't step outside of boundaries society has set for what's normal and acceptable just to let another group of people start defining those things for them. It's good advice.

TwilightsKitten -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 2:56:19 AM)
You have a very good point, I appreciate the reply. You're right, if I can't be me here, where can I be?

chainedgirl -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 3:23:56 AM)
The rules will change depending on what group you hang out with. I've been in a large city that had 2 or 3 main groups, each with their own take on how things should be done. I'm not in another place where the scene is much more laid back. At the end of the day, as long as you are respectful (should be with people anyway is my take), then approach whomever you want. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say. If that person has an issue with it, then its their issue.

DesFIP -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 3:27:50 AM)
Someone always has to make the first approach. But once that's done, both people have to feel good enough to continue. We choose each other or we don't have a relationship. If you're uncomfortable with women approaching you, then someone who does this wouldn't be compatible with you. Since you were fine with being approached, then for you it doesn't matter. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters; our individual relationship.

QuixoticErrant -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 3:42:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten I am still a bit new to the lifestyle, and when I started, my Mistress found me. Later on, after being on my own, a pet found me as well. The pet had heard things about me and my personality and shyly approached me about it. The question is, as I am still new, how common is it for a pet to approach a dom that they find interesting? My thinking is that, having known some confident subs, that some would, and some wouldn't. And, is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? And I guess I should mention that I am thinking more along the lines of a pet type submissive. Most of the submissive partners I have had contacted me. They have a radar for Dom types and they know what they like. The second part is not so different from the vanilla world. Usually the woman says "I want that one." Now there are a ton of things that you can do to improve your chances of having her think that way, but that is another discussion. Unless you think there is something obnoxious about her, you should enjoy your good fortune.

MG4Apuppygirl -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 3:47:28 AM)
Depends on the dom you are approaching if you are a pet. I stay away from kittens though, there is an old saying, Dogs have masters, cats have staff. Not much point contacting an inexperienced dom either. In fact, good pets are extremely difficult to find, as are good "masters" so if you find a dom that suits then you would be absolutely mindless if you didn't initiate contact. The master/pet dynamic is quite traditional so it would be up to you to "apply" for a position as a pet.

TwilightsKitten -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 4:00:34 AM)
I did enjoy my good fortune for awhile, but it ended, and now I'm here after some time away from relationships in general to try and find someone new. As to Dom radar, I sometimes worry I don't really come off as the Dom type, partly because of personality, and partly because of how some people feel over switches. I've accepted being a switch, as well as my kitten-like personality, it just seems a lot of people seek someone...for lack of a better word....harsher then I am. It makes me wonder if people associate the two or something. Personally, I think a Dom can be caring and loving with a sub that is more pet like. After all, a pet is still owned and told what to do, they are just also loved and appreciated. But, perhaps this is a discussion for another time and another thread. In any event, I appreciate all the replies. Mew!

TwilightsKitten -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 4:18:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MG4Apuppygirl Depends on the dom you are approaching if you are a pet. I stay away from kittens though, there is an old saying, Dogs have masters, cats have staff. Not much point contacting an inexperienced dom either. In fact, good pets are extremely difficult to find, as are good "masters" so if you find a dom that suits then you would be absolutely mindless if you didn't initiate contact. The master/pet dynamic is quite traditional so it would be up to you to "apply" for a position as a pet. The kitten I knew was very submissive. She just had a few boundaries that were respected, and wanted to be loved. Perhaps not all kittens are the same, and perhaps, defining myself as a kitten has made life harder on me. A Dom I trust and was trained by for awhile is how I realized I was kitten-like, and for her, it was something she loved about me. As to being an inexperienced Dom, since I am one, I find it disheartening that people can feel there is no point in bothering with us. I've been a Dom before, I can't say I've done it for years and years, but me and my pet were happy and learning together. And a good pet is honestly in the eyes of the beholder so to speak. What one may consider a good pet, another might not. It comes down to personal preference. When I was a pet, my Dom told me I was a good one, not so much in the compliment kind of way as much as the "You are one and don't argue the point" kind of way, but that doesn't mean everyone will feel the same about me. But at the same time, you are right, finding someone that fits what you want is difficult. But, to each their own opinion. I've come to terms with who I am, and if someone isn't understanding and open-minded about it, they probably wouldn't fit me anyway. Mew!

CatdeMedici -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 4:47:08 AM)
...until hell freezes over can be a very very long time--we are people here, not animals in a shelter waiting for adoption--until there is an agreement as to who is what and how that "what" is going to work---you are still people trying to find a mate.

TwilightsKitten -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 5:04:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici ...until hell freezes over can be a very very long time--we are people here, not animals in a shelter waiting for adoption--until there is an agreement as to who is what and how that "what" is going to work---you are still people trying to find a mate. If that is directed toward me, I apologize if I came across sounding like I think people here are animals in a shelter. I merely describe myself as a kitten, and know of others that do as well. I was in no way trying to imply everyone is that way. And yes, until its been agreed on, we are just people here looking for someone. My use of kitten is more a personality descriptor then anything else. When I use kitten, I think of someone that is cute, cuddly, and affectionate. I don't picture an animal waiting for someone to take them home. My fault again for not explaining my use of certain words that can be taken in a variety of ways. The short of it is this...whether I am a dom or a sub, I am a cuddly, affectionate and loving person, kinks aside, and I want the same in a dom or sub. And my use of pet merely denotes a sub that is loved and cared for. It was just how I learned to describe it, and myself. That is all I meant, and if I came across offensive in some way, I apologize.

CatdeMedici -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 5:37:58 AM)
No offense taken at all, My point was simply that until proclivities are defined, we are still people seeking a relationship and should feel free to do what it takes. [;)]

MG4Apuppygirl -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 6:29:16 AM)
Woops. I didn't realise you were a straight male switch who identifies as a kitten. What was I thinking? Now I'm totally confused.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 6:49:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten Is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? Hi Twilight, No and no. Many in fact prefer you approach them.

LaTigresse -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 6:56:45 AM)
I have never been upset by anyone approaching me in a polite manner. Even when they miss the important parts.....dominant and lesbian. Sometimes it's flattering. If they have been polite, there is a very high probability I am polite in return. I've even made a few good friends that way.

TwilightsKitten -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 7:12:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MG4Apuppygirl Woops. I didn't realize you were a straight male switch who identifies as a kitten. What was I thinking? Now I'm totally confused. No worries, I know I am an odd one. I've come to terms with my kitty boyness and often feminine personality. No offense taken, and none intended by my response. Mew! On a side note, I sometimes wonder if I am too nice for my own good. I've already received a mail about how I can't possibly be dominant with my personality. shrug I'm me, not a whole lot I can do about that. Thanks for the responses. Mew.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: A simple question.... (2/13/2009 8:12:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? It's perfectly acceptible for a s-type to approach a d-type. In some circles, the sub is expected to petition the dominant in much the same way one sends out a resume for a job. Then the dominant conducts an interview and things proceed, or not, from there. In my case, I rarely approach subs. I don't require a formal petition, but I have found it's a much better use of my time to wait for them to come to me.

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