Cyberstalking and BDSM (Full Version)

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chamberqueen -> Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 6:08:35 AM)

Over the past few months a cyberstalker got involved in my relationship and has done quite a bit of damage.  I would like to put this here as a warning in case something similar happens to another.

I did research on it, and some of these people are true sociopaths.  They are looking for attention and can be extremely clever - using different screen names, comparing profiles and insulting one person in a poly relationship by pointing out the differences between their profile and the profile of the other, enlisting others to help them by pretending friendship and then twisting information found out, and even going so far as to fake Yahoo chats in order to regurgitate material with enough truth to look real but couched in lies.  This person went so far as to say that I would proclaim innocence, which of course I did because I was innocent.

The best way to handle cyberstalkers is to ignore them.  Don't fight back against insults, or questions framed in a way to make you feel that there might be something wrong with your relationship.  Don't ask people to blast them.  They don't care if the attention that they get is negative - they simply want attention.  If you feel you are attacked by one, look up articles on cyberstalking and you can see just how frightening the description of a person like this can be.  They become expert chameleons.  One "Master" went to my Master, pretending to be a sub, to get my regular email address after I removed myself from CM after his attacks.  (I was a slave who my Master sometimes chose to have Domme a sub since I was previously a Domme.)  The man was so impressed with my skills as a Domme in our emails back and forth that he used this to torture my Master and his slave further, saying that no doubt I would one day turn on my Master and punish him. (I don't even enjoy punishment; I enjoy allowing someone to live out their fantasy.)

I ended up being released because this evil person was so convincing that I had no way to prove my innocence.  Don't let someone frighten you and break down your life and/or lifestyle.  Be smart and ignore them, block, delete.  Don't feed into their cruel fantasy world.



marie2 -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 6:17:45 AM)

I've always wanted a stalker.  But then, I'm sick like that.



KatyLied -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 6:38:44 AM)

Trust me, it's not something that you want.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 6:57:09 AM)

quote:

I ended up being released because this evil person was so convincing that I had no way to prove my innocence. 


I know this must have hurt, however do you really want someone who believes the screen thieves over a real person?
 
My grandmother used to say, believe none of what you hear/read and half of what you see. It holds even more true today, IMHO.



came4U -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 7:03:35 AM)

quote:

If you feel you are attacked by one,....


I would like to see one try.

The entire effort would last mere minutes and after that I would hound them down like a shitmonkey on crack.

Via any program they use, any where, any country.

and if I had a man that weak, I'd be glad someone took him off my hands.  Any shit-disturbers that can crack a couple that easily did y'all a favour.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 7:30:25 AM)

I know a person who is a cyber disaster area, and the people who are making her miserable... this is truly a nightmare situation.

I have to agree with Cat, a person who will take the word of strangers over me is not a good choice in the long run.  I wish you all the best in your new situation!



happypervert -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 8:02:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

I've always wanted a stalker.  But then, I'm sick like that.


How do you know you don't already have one?

heh heh heh



gumshoe -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 8:33:31 AM)

Some people are truly pathetic!

Some people want to bring others down because they are losers.



LaTigresse -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 8:37:11 AM)

It's been my experience that stalkers of all sorts tend to look for more vulnerable people. Something that is always smart to remember when dealing with people either online or off.



KatyLied -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 8:38:06 AM)

quote:

It's been my experience that stalkers of all sorts tend to look for more vulnerable people.


Or they can't handle a break up!



LaTigresse -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 8:39:04 AM)

Yes, there are those also.

Which now reminds me of my exhusband.........geee thanks![:D]

I just outstalked him, scared him half to death, and ran him out of the state. But then I am mean like that.



marie2 -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 8:53:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

I've always wanted a stalker.  But then, I'm sick like that.


How do you know you don't already have one?

heh heh heh



hmmm....What are the signs one should be looking out for?



MissMorrigan -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 10:21:59 AM)

I wouldn't call you 'sick', just 'uninformed', Marie. It's unpleasant, malevolent, and just about every other negative adjective you could use. It's no fun when someone with a great deal of computer/internet knowledge decides to make you a target and if you think it cute, do some research as to the degree with which this can extend to your personal life (regardless of how careful we are, we always leave a trail and it is this trail that these pricks latch on to) and the common misconception is that people assume it'll never happen to them - until it does.
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2
I've always wanted a stalker.  But then, I'm sick like that.



Lockit -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 10:26:32 AM)

If they know computer's... how to do the bad stuff... anyone can be vulnerable. lol



MsDDom -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 10:56:34 AM)

i have been on the net a long time, i've been working on computers (IT person) longer.
i have had my share of cyberstalkers...the first  (back in the early 90s) scared me; in later yrs i learned that people use the net as there way to escape the realities of life...on the net they can be and do thing they couldn't even attempt in real life. in some places, cyberstalking (bullying/threatening) is a crime...that is, if you report it to local police.  hence the emergence of cyber forensics...law enforcement is no long talking it as a joke.

u have to come to the net leary of everyone...sorry to say, but it is true.



Lockit -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 11:09:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDDom

i have been on the net a long time, i've been working on computers (IT person) longer.
i have had my share of cyberstalkers...the first  (back in the early 90s) scared me; in later yrs i learned that people use the net as there way to escape the realities of life...on the net they can be and do thing they couldn't even attempt in real life. in some places, cyberstalking (bullying/threatening) is a crime...that is, if you report it to local police.  hence the emergence of cyber forensics...law enforcement is no long talking it as a joke.

u have to come to the net leary of everyone...sorry to say, but it is true.



This depends on where you are and the local police agencies.  I reported to the police... they told me to go to Circut City and trace who it was and prove it and then bring the info to them and they would help me.  I called the local FBI... they considered it an old case seeing as though he hadn't threatened me verbally in three months and didn't care how many computer's of mine and other's the guy currently ruined.

Domestic abuse laws and governing things was the same.  Now it is better handled... just about everywhere... but cyber stuff still has a way to go in my opinion.



MsDDom -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 12:20:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDDom

i have been on the net a long time, i've been working on computers (IT person) longer.
i have had my share of cyberstalkers...the first  (back in the early 90s) scared me; in later yrs i learned that people use the net as there way to escape the realities of life...on the net they can be and do thing they couldn't even attempt in real life. in some places, cyberstalking (bullying/threatening) is a crime...that is, if you report it to local police.  hence the emergence of cyber forensics...law enforcement is no long talking it as a joke.

u have to come to the net leary of everyone...sorry to say, but it is true.



This depends on where you are and the local police agencies.  I reported to the police... they told me to go to Circut City and trace who it was and prove it and then bring the info to them and they would help me.  I called the local FBI... they considered it an old case seeing as though he hadn't threatened me verbally in three months and didn't care how many computer's of mine and other's the guy currently ruined.

Domestic abuse laws and governing things was the same.  Now it is better handled... just about everywhere... but cyber stuff still has a way to go in my opinion.


i agree w/ u last sentence...there is still headway that needs to be made...  but as above, only a few cities/states take cyber crimes serious. cyber forensics is up and coming, so while it will takes time, trust me...whatever we do on the net is logged and tracked.

be safe people and ask lots of questions...



SmokingGoddess -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 3:53:05 PM)

I have been cyber-stalked for about 4 months by one person. They pretend to be a friend of mine from another BDSM site. They impersonate "internet police" :rolls eyes:  and attempt to use  all sorts of tactics to ensnare me into giving them private information. Basically this is a Dominant that wants me to sub (online and perhaps real time).


*ugh* pathetic



DavanKael -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 9:30:58 PM)

I had an ex-partner who's on this very site fabricate a second screen name, set his wife on a thread I started (To create drama between us), then followed me around threads.  I'm an observant girl (so I noticed this right away) and he's an obvious male creature (I think 'Man' isn't a designation he's worthy of any longer) who made the screen name relevant to his heritage and to a story I'd shared (Or perhaps to the malignancy of his actions); he claimed not to know the definition of the term.  Anyway, I tracked him, had an IT pal (Or several) track the address, then confronted him in person.  He attempted to lie.  I stood my ground.  He admitted it when there was nothing else he could do; very Dom-like, eh?  He acted like a doofus.  I hope he is ashamed of his behaviors, lots of them. 
I'm sorry that you went through the whole cyber stalker thing but, as several people have noted, if the person you were with was so gullible as to allow such an individual to come between you and him, then he's not worthy of your time and attentions anyway.  I know that is little comfort.  Sometimes, the more distance we gain from relationships, the more we see people for the disappointing asshats they are. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Cyberstalking and BDSM (2/16/2009 9:51:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I have to agree with Cat, a person who will take the word of strangers over me is not a good choice in the long run.  I wish you all the best in your new situation!
I agree with this, though still hurtful if you enjoy the person you're with.   M



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